1. glaceon
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    glaceon New Member

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    Stuck with words....

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by glaceon, Jan 8, 2010.

    I'm working on a piece where the character is suppose to be giving off a creepy... unnerving.... feeling as the character checks out the second character that just walked in.

    The first character is a very dark crazy-pyscho... murderous character and he just came face to face with a petit girl that he just found was the one sending him letters about knowing what he did.


    The boy-17
    The girl-16

    So, like I said, I'm stuck with words as I can't seem to get that creepy-dark piece of him across that he's dangerous and that girl shouldn't have come out to meet him at midnight alone.
     
  2. Dante Dases
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    Dante Dases Contributing Member Contributor

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    This is a matter of 'show, not tell'. The best way of showing is through the girl's discomfort towards what may be advances or otherwise coming from the lad. Have the boy not take his eyes off her. Be subtle, not obvious, and build the scene slowly. The boy should say things which are relatively normal, but with an underlying menace to them, perhaps through his actions. Describe his body language. Describe her reactions to what's taking place.
     
  3. fantasy girl
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    fantasy girl Contributing Member

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    ^^ this.

    Off topic: love your Avatar BTW Dante
     
  4. glaceon
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    glaceon New Member

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    Cool! Thanks for the advice. :-D I over looked the whole body language.
     
  5. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Also, you can show a lot in other people's reaction to him. Body language helps there too.
     
  6. DragonGrim
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    DragonGrim Contributing Member

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    And don’t forget dramatic irony. It is effective at creating that creepiness. You may be able to make the reader know what this guy may be about, but keep her in the dark about it.
     
  7. writewizard
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    writewizard Contributing Member

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    Don't think about words. Picture it happening in real life, and write everything down.
     

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