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  1. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Suddenly i feel shame!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by GuardianWynn, Sep 20, 2015.

    Not sure if I am just being two hard on myself.


    See the scene, has a girl calling people looking for someone. A psychic. She exhausts all the names in her little black book and as she proclaims "Where am I gonna find a psychic by tomorrow morning," a knock at the door happens. You see where this is going.

    Should I feel shame? To be exact. This isn't a random encounter. It is a friend. Yes she has a psychic friend not in her little black book. This is well established too. The point is that she is going on a mission and wanted someone more "warrior-like". Her little black book giving her no names is a strong reason why she accepts her friends offer.

    Is it still shameful to have these moments so next to each other? Like I said. The psychic being a character was established. For a long time now. So it isn't like I invented one for this moment.

    Oh perhaps I should have given more context.

    The psychic was not knocking in response to the need. They were friends and they had a movie night planned. The girl in question didn't originally ask either. While she was grabbing drinks the psychic noticed her black book out and a bunch on names in it. She recognized them as fellow psychics, as she knew many of them. So she proceeds to question her friend on that. Leading to the position for the psychic to offer her help.

    @rainy_summerday
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2015
  2. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    If it's presented as a coincidence then I would find it 'cheap' as a reader. But since there are psychics involved, why don't you just make it so the physic friend sensed that your character needed her? That way it's not a coincidence; it's a result of your characters' actions.
     
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  3. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh perhaps I should have given more context.

    The psychic was not knocking in response to the need. They were friends and they had a movie night planned. The girl in question didn't originally ask either. While she was grabbing drinks the psychic noticed her black book out and a bunch on names in it. She recognized them as fellow psychics, as she knew many of them. So she proceeds to question her friend on that. Leading to the position for the psychic to offer her help.

    Side note I didn't capitalize the I in the topic! I feel more shame!!!!
     
  4. dreamersky1212
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    dreamersky1212 Active Member

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    Why don't you have the girl actually consider her psychic friend before she makes all of these calls, then toss out the idea for whatever reason. Then, frustrated when her friend arrives, she starts looking at her like....well, she IS psychic....and I do need her....maybe I can put away my qualms and ask her.
     
  5. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I'm not sure I understand your question. I thought you were worried that it was too much of a coincidence that a psychic knocks on the door just as your character needs one, but it sounds like that isn't your issue?
     
  6. rainy_summerday
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    rainy_summerday Active Member

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    I think it could work, but only if you turn this into something less deus-ex-machina. Maybe that character is a really bad psychic, and the very last person your MC would like to have as a companion. But then she has to accept her friend's offer!

    Make it somehow into something that is not the best thing that could have happened to your MC.
    Or maybe they have been fighting over something for the last couple of weeks/months/years. And this leads to further complications.
    This psychic-turns-up-when-she-needs-one development should not be convenient for the progress of the story but rather complicate things.
     
  7. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    That might help. Except the qualm in this case is that she is afraid her friend isn't strong enough! Oh right! Come to think of it. My scene does show that the psychic in question had gained a liscense making them official in the league needed. That is like putting away the qualm?

    Kind of. I think I had enough things making it not too bad but I just still felt bad. Because yes the scene still is pretty much, problem pops up, solution knocks on the door the next line.

    That sort of is what I did. Being that the psychic in question is not that strong. Being why she wasn't on the list.
    It currently is just a convient moment but it does have problems. Being that she brought a friend that is kind of under qualified to a war zone. Wow. Saying it like that. This girl is kind of mean! lol
     
  8. rainy_summerday
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    rainy_summerday Active Member

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    Not strong is still too strong. What I mean is: Aim to make it into a hilarious moment. Your MC desperately needs a good psychic. And then she is saddled with somebody who basically trips over their own feet all the time. That doesn't mean that your psychic needs to be useless from the beginning to the end. These characters are malleable.

    If you dislike doing that, I still recommend going for some comedy element. That often compensates for deus-ex-machina developments. Like aid suddenly arriving when it is most needed.
     
  9. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    lol. Well, I wasn't as much asking for a fix but rather asking if I was being to harsh on myself for the pacing in the moment. lol. A comedic tone wouldn't work here though, it is a serious moment and heck I think the girl is mean for recruiting someone just barely under qualified. She is a complete curse word if she recruited soemone completely unqualified, not to mention stupid.
     
  10. rainy_summerday
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    rainy_summerday Active Member

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    Well, then I think your pacing is not good. It's too convenient that these things happen following one another. You probably hate me for repeating this once again (refering to our conversations!): That's a coincidence that devalues the story. I am sorry for being harsh on this point. Maybe other people like your idea. It's just not my style :(
     
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  11. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    :cry:

    Now I feel bad. Not cuz of this but because well I guess the answer was kind of obvious. So I guess I feel bad for asking. Actually I think a lot of my current work suffers with bad pacing but my goal is to still get it all on paper and then smooth the pacing out later.

    Thanks for your advice.
     
  12. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't fully understand the reason for the scene, but you could eliminate the coincidence if you address Jane being a psychic all along. A very rough set of thoughts:

    "Well, Jane's the obvious choice, but, no, she's not powerful enough. I'd better get these calls over with before she comes over; she'd be offended I'm not asking her."

    "Joe? Nah, he's too unpredictable."

    "Fred? Oh, right, he's gone until June."

    "Wilbur? Oh. No. He hates me since the incident."

    "Now, who can I...oh, bleep, doorbell. Is it five o'clock already? OK, maybe it's a Sign that I should use Jane after all."
     
  13. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Actually let me explain some context.
    Book wise the Psychic is first seen in chapter 03.

    The moment of recruiting her happens in chapter 15. So it isn't a random out of the blue psychic. She is established as a psychic since then too. I just felt bad that I had literaly wrote a line with banging her head against the table wondering what to do when a psychic then knocks on her door.

    Plot wise they work together. So I sort of need it to happen then. The searching for other psychics and not finding one is sort of meant to explain why she is working with someone under qualified. So at face glace it seems like it works. Right? I just still felt bad for the pacing.

    Does this pacing sound like it needs fixing?
     

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