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  1. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    Suggestions and help with plot and storyline.. PLEASE!!!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by assassins creed, Aug 30, 2008.

    I considering writing a story about a new york cop named Franco Gonzalez who is moon lighting as a body guard on his days off.

    He has two teenage twin sons Franco and Fernando. On of these sons are following in his fathers footsteps while the other wants a career in the marines. During a hostage situation the military are also called in to assist with the situation.

    Anyhow shots are fired from inside the building and all the outside forces return fire. During this barrage of firing, five hostages have been killed. One of these hostages is Franco senior who was on bodyguard duty, protecting his VIP client.

    Both sons are blaming themselves for their fathers death. As both had him in their sights, his back turned towards them. He raised his hand in the air with his service revolver in it, pointing at what appeared to be two hostages smoke coming from his gun.

    When the shots were fired and the sons seeing this action automatically responded.


    I am trying to come up with some plot or back ground theme, where there grandfather was a hired hitman for the Russian mafia. Also on this theme I am
    trying to link up both, Franco senior and Fernando as being involved with a mafia family along the way.


    That is all I can come up with at the moment any suggestions?

    Assassins Creed :):)
     
  2. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Just to make sure I understand correctly: Franco senior is held hostage and his sons suspect him of killing the 2 hostages? I didn't really understand that part.

    Also, for a hostage situation, it is more likely that the SWAT be called in instead of the military unless someone very, very important is held hostage. So, make sure you stress the importance and value of the VIP.
     
  3. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    Sounds solid and there is a great amount of stuff to work with.

    Since I know nothing about Russian mafia, I do not have anything I can offer you to help give you direction in this.

    But it looks like a great plot with lots of twists and turns.

    All in all, good stuff.
     
  4. Scattercat
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    Scattercat Active Member

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    Are the sons supposed to be innocents or actual Mafia members?

    It's worth noting that, from what I've read of organized crime families, there are quite a few relatively "casual" low-end affiliates who aren't part of the mafia itself, but who occasionally provide various services to them, either in return for bribes or for not having their homes burned down. Depending on the business the sons are in, they could easily be providing favors to the Mafia.

    Perhaps you could set up a contrast, in which one brother is a willing participant who gets paid (all in the name of supporting his family and keeping them comfortable, of course) and the other is either being blackmailed for some youthful indiscretion or is being outright threatened.
     
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    Thirdwind, Franco senior is working as Bodyguard this day and he is being held hostage along with about twenty other people. The VIP that he is protecting just happens to be, the Governor of California. As the governor has put himself forwards for the presidential elections, and is the favourite to become the next American President.

    As the two sons can't see the face of the person holding the gun, their training comes into play hence firing first time.

    Scattercat, as for either or both of them being involved with the mafia, I am trying to work out something for that. One other thing I am trying to do is create a scene where the two brothers turn on each other, blaming the other for their fathers death. While this is going on, behind the scenes orchestrating this deep set anger is a former partner of their fathers. Could it be possible that he had a hand in his partners death?

    Hope this is a little bit more helpful!

    Assassins Creed
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    first of all, hispanics wouldn't be part of the mafia [sicilian, or russian]... and neither organization would 'hire' an 'outside' hitman who couldn't be trusted to have their best/worst interests as his top priority...

    next, regardless of the vip status of the hostage, the military would not be called in!... it would only be the fbi, along with the nypd and, if the guy's an actual candidate for pres, the secret service...

    and, btw, 'moonlighting' and 'bodyguard' are both single words, not two...
     
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    assassins creed Banned

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    Thanks maia for that. I am thinking of implying links with the Russian mafia through deep set roots from their grandfather. Along that line at least one family has to give service to the family. As this has been always the way with their family when they were living in slums and on the poverty line. They always had to have inherited a family member via loyalty from what the don has done to get their family away from the poverty lines and into better accommodation.

    Also maia I agree with what you said about the C.I.A. being involved instead of the military. That's why I may make a career change for Fernando and put him into the C.I.A.

    Anything else you may be able to assist would be very helpful. Thanks again maia.

    Assassins Creed
     
  8. Acglaphotis
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    Acglaphotis Contributing Member

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    She said FBI, just pointing it out.
     
  9. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Maybe the grandfather is an immigrant and finds a job with the mafia. The job starts out as being simple, say a delivery boy or a waiter at a restaurant run by the mafia. He then gets dragged into the business somehow.

    Years later, Franco Sr. investigates into the mafia and finds his father was a part of it. However, the investigation is left unfinished when Franco Sr. decides to start being a bodyguard. One of his sons picks it up and finds the truth. The mafia finds out he knows and then bribes him to work for them. This is the first idea I thought of.

    Also, maia is right. Either make the mafia a Mexican gang or else make your characters Italian or Russian. Hope this helps.
     
  10. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    Acglaphotis thanks for that. I know she said FBI. But as the person is up for the presidency, she said that would include the secret service - which i think is the C.I.A.

    Assassins Creed
     
  11. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    Thirdwind thanks for your comments. As I am only just coming up with these initial ideas, I only temporarily named them as is. This is so I can have a clearer picture of the characters that I am trying to create, with that, I am also trying to give them occupations which would have interesting knock backs with their career paths.

    This way while working on it I hopefully will be able to come up with some plausible conflicts, from there I also hope to be able to strengthen their characters by introducing jealously, hatred, admiration and whatever else comes to mind.

    Its good having these conversations as it helps me develop my own ideas, as well as getting added ideas which I hope to incorporate into the plot. Its also useful as I can create background scenes or get information on areas for locations - kind of like having an assistant search for the information :) and giving excellent feedback.:)
     
  12. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    Thirdwind thanks for your comments. As I am only just coming up with these initial ideas, I only temporarily named them as is. This is so I can have a clearer picture of the characters that I am trying to create, with that, I am also trying to give them occupations which would have interesting knock backs with their career paths.

    This way while working on it I hopefully will be able to come up with some plausible conflicts, from there I also hope to be able to strengthen their characters by introducing jealously, hatred, admiration and whatever else comes to mind.

    Its good having these conversations as it helps me develop my own ideas, as well as getting added ideas which I hope to incorporate into the plot. Its also useful as I can create background scenes or get information on areas for locations - kind of like having an assistant search for the information :) and giving excellent feedback.:)
     
  13. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    How on earth am I sending two posts!!This is so annoying!!!!
     
  14. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    no, the cia and the secret service have no connection to each other... plus, the cia can't operate within the us and does not provide bodyguards or swat teams...

    you need to get your facts straight regarding the mafia [russian or italian], too... you seem to have a romantic view of them, gleaned perhaps from movies and tv, rather than doing the requisite research into the actual activities and makeup of these criminal organizations...

    i happen to have a lot of inside info on the sicilian mob, having known some in my vegas years, as well as having had grandparents who had to deal with the old 'black hand' as it was called back in the early 1900s, and some of your ideas won't make much sense to anyone with any knowledge of what really goes on...

    and, as for the russian 'mafiya' [note the correct spelling], they are beyond ruthless and totally russian-loyal, not admitting non-russians... and if they wanted someone to work for them, they wouldn't waste money bribing them... they'd merely cut off the finger of a loved one back home and send it to them, the implicit message being quickly 'gotten'...
     
  15. NaCl
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    NaCl Contributing Member Contributor

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    Excellent perspectives from mammamaia. Sounds like you have a lot of research to do before your complete this story. Maia is not the only person with first-hand experience in the clandestine world. Know the difference between the FBI, CIA, Secret Service, state police, local police, military special forces and mercenaries. Don't write about the gangs . . . Sicilian, Russian, Vietnamese, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, Columbian . . . until you have a good idea how to make them sound authentic.

    Very short story: A good Sicilian friend of mine (Luigi) opened a small restaurant in this area. Although my wife and I ate there frequently, I never saw many customers. All his "employees" were "old friends" of his family from "back east". He made a lot of money in his perpetually empty restaurant and was very generous. One Christmas at his home, I commented about how good his champagne was. The next week, a delivery truck dropped off a whole case of imported Italian Asti Spumante at my home. Once, he told me about the importance in his culture of "returning favors", and I didn't want to "owe" him anything, so I insisted on paying him for the wine. When he refused, I lied . . . told him I was Jewish and it was against my religion to receive alcohol as a gift. He looked puzzled. He never knew this about Jews. (I was counting on him not knowing anything about Judaism!) I went on to say I would never ask him to violate his Catholic beliefs and I hoped he'd accept my money - or return of the champagne. He bought it, (thank God!), and I didn't "owe" him anything. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was laundering money sent from his home in Providence, Rhode Island. After about two years, he closed the restaurant and opened a new one on the other side of town. All his "family friends" changed at the same time. This pattern went on for twelve years before he mysteriously disappeared. Haven't seen him since.
     
  16. assassins creed
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    assassins creed Banned

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    maia, thanks for correcting me on that point and I probably do have a romantic view from tv and movies.

    Assassins Creed
     
  17. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    salty... same thing goes on here, re a supposed 'hotel/resort/casino' that never has more than a handful of guests and those are sure not 'high-roller' types!

    glad it helped, ac... i'd say you need to get those stars out of your eyes and do some serious research, before you go any further... hugs, m
     
  18. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Providence does have a reputation...
     
  19. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    in our case, it's chinese mob money that's being laundered... one aspect of communist china that the gummint there doesn't like to admit exists... but the tongs were doing their thing long before mao and will continue doing it long after today's leaders are dust...
     

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