*siiigh* Adamant, you're doing it again. You may very well be in the right, but those with positions of power shouldn't abuse them. Don't talk down to people. Alright, so how about we all just stop talking about who's right and wrong, period, okay? From now on, please keep your posts solely to the topic of improving Schrodinger's plot, as they were before it got derailed. plzkthxbai.
Okay, on point then: I like the idea of thought becoming manifest in reality. It's been used a few times in literature and film. Very well actually. There was a story by a Hispanic author. I want to say Jorge Luis Borges, but I could be wrong about that. Anyway, it's about a man who tries to dream into existence another man before Spoiler coming to realize that he himself is the product of someone else's dream. Then there's David Cronenberg's film "Brood", where a woman's strong negative emotions become manifest first in these horrible growths and later in homicidal "children." The idea probably goes back a lot further than that though. I think the interesting part is going to be negotiating your way through the romance. Incest aside for a minute (because I honestly don't know how to tackle that one), the transition from loving someone to killing them is going to be important. Gradual maybe, like in the full version of Stephen King's "The Shining." (The Kubrick film version doesn't seem that gradual to me. Great flick. But Jack Nicholson looks insane right from the get go to me.) I guess there's also a variation on that theme in the new Star Wars movies (though Padme's death seems a bit more accidental in that movie, if I'm remembering it right.) I think you're probably going to want to start subtly setting the stage for that transition pretty early on. Stuart
Hiya people, its been a while since I was last on here, as I had to sort alot of stuff out. One thing I am having trouble with regarding to the goddess, is that I am not to sure why she should manifest after the first attack fails. As I feel, there should be at least one major loss for Aren, partly to do with his friend weyland. But according to my friends mythology, her being a goddess of knowledge, she should not even lose if this is the case, due to her intelect. But I still would like to have a slow buildup with the voices in his head, as I feel it could create some interesting situations. Though one thing you did touch on Ivan, which is somthing which I may try to make more apparant when I get further along, there are a few more in the pantheon then her. One idea, which me and my mate are messing around with in a future story a long time down the line. She is killed, and her soul collected by the other gods. When they ask her why she did these things, she does not answer, cannot answer, and then cracks, relising for all the things she knew, she did not know what she was doing herself, the gods then leave her screaming in the abyss of her own personal hell. Which leads to enemy which is talked about in an unrelated story, a kind of pupper master, who controlled the puppet master which in the knowledge goddess (think crimson king in insomia, but only truely talked about in dark tower, with the enemy being the only link).
an interesting plot i must say, it sounds very intriquing. as far as the plot goes, it seems well planned out and thought-threw, which is good. however, i think you should go ahead and write it, before asking properlly what people think. sometimes the plot doesn't sound very good but the actual story and writing is amazing. other times vice-versa. i would love to see how you write this, so please, once you have wrote some of it post it up for us to take a look. Heather
Thankee Sai for your review. =) I have posted a segment up, but it needs major rewriting, due to many many errors =P.
First off, I think it's got style. I like that. Blood, revenge, murder, incest and rape. Nothing like some good Old Testament style action to make a spicy story. Having said that, I think that you need to hone up on some of the plot holes adamant noted that if you want to elevate it beyond low level fantasy. Sure, most of them could be hand waved away. I've definitely read commercial books with similar plot holes. But why be sub-standard? I'm concerned about why he kills his sister after he's banging her. Bear in mind that in Othello it takes the whole book just to get Othello to the point where he's willing to kill Desdemona. Making the guy kill his only source of poontang will require careful writing if it's to be believable. And you must avoid copping out too much with the "voice in the head", or it just becomes an excuse to have your character do out of character things. And as for his escape: Yeah, adamant's spotted something there. Look, you could tweak it - he gets thrown in the river, he runs away and gets hit by an arrow, the circus are kind hearted folk who enter the town to look for survivors (after the army has safely pushed off, of course). But, to be honest, if he's stabbing a soldier in the nuts he's going to get ended. No occupying soldiers worth their salt are going to content themselves with just a knife in the belly. Other options: He doesn't get all brave (maybe he hides), or he gets gang raped, or something more survivable, like a capture and a brief stint of slavery. Bear in mind, the occupying-soldiers-wipe-out-the-village-leaving-the-hero-to-grow-strong idea is as old as Conan, and probably older
