1. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico

    The day after...

    Discussion in 'Erotica' started by Wreybies, Feb 26, 2014.

    My boys are in the first flush of love. Not the solid, steady, resolute love of years together, one knowing the other, flaws and all. No, not that. This is the heady, silly, slightly stupid love of "could he be the one?" and "Have you ever seen anyone so dreamy in all your life?" and "I could live within his smile".

    That love.

    The night before was magical and passionate and the first links have taken and held, tenuous and gossamer as spider's silk.

    And for the life of me I can't make conversation happen between them!!!! I am every kind of stuck between getting them from Brena's house, into town, and off to see the ship upon which Devin works, the Northern Wave. This is where Carl, Petla's brother sees the two of them together and where Petla sees Devin as the prize in her plans, so Carl now sees Brena as the prize in his.

    But, ffs, I can't get them from point House to point Ship!!!

    I'm not really asking a question I guess, I'm just whinging. Maybe hoping someone else runs into trouble "the day after awesome sex" in their stories... You can bring me cookies or chocolate if you want and we'll share. :oops:
     
  2. Bryan Romer
    Offline

    Bryan Romer Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2014
    Messages:
    891
    Likes Received:
    381
    Probably be incredibly awkward and cautious. Lots of single word sentences :)
     
  3. erebh
    Offline

    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,618
    Likes Received:
    464
    Location:
    Sacramento
    What did they do after the act? Did they fall asleep ? Wake up hungover? Embarrassed? Blaming alcohol? Did they ly in each others arm talking all night? Kissing touching sobre without a care in the world?
     
  4. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    Devin spent the night at the great house, as the denizens of Far Landings are wont to call it, which is where Brena lives. There was no drink. Devin made sure they were sober because the first time was a very drunken romp indeed. The sex scene ends with Devin looking at Brena and seeing him differently, seeing the someone inside the physical shell and he feels the first pull of caring, not just lusting. The next scene opens with Amila coming into the room, getting the toiletries set up for Devin, making her assessment of him (she's the housemaid and Brena's secret best friend) and then leaving, getting some food, stopping to deliver tea to Lady Petla who is having a talk with Brena about her plans for Devin. She returns to the room, gives Devin his breaky and meets Brena on his way back from his unpleasant meeting with mother of which Amila hears the better part. They exchange words, she tells him stiff upper lip wot, wot and she takes her leave.

    From here I'm trying to get the boys over to the ship and show a little of their burgeoning romance. I don't just want to drop them onboard the Northern Wave because what happens there has less to do with them and more to do with Uncle Carl and William, Devin's brother, the radio. I'm trying to use the previously mentioned ruined vest from earlier in the story to have them stop in to the town tailor and some clothes shopping to give them a little space to be handsy and touchy and all the silly things you do in those first breathy moments of love and I just feel like it's not working. It feels cliché and frankly, a little too stereotypical, if you get my meaning. :(
     
  5. obsidian_cicatrix
    Offline

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,711
    Likes Received:
    1,453
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    Predictable too, perhaps? The first throes, while they feel unique enough to the people experiencing them, hardly appear that way from the outside. Do you think this might account for why you feel as you do?

    A change in perspective is required, maybe?
     
  6. Sonne Lore
    Offline

    Sonne Lore Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2014
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    Brisbane
    I can't write good 'morning afters' either so I tend to write/ramble for a while and erase everything between the sex and the point at which the story feels comfortable again, and go from there.
     
  7. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    Hmmm..... Remember Victoria from the opening scene at Meg's, ravishing brunette with sapphire eyes and epic boobiage? She's only had a cameo so far in that scene and I've been trying to work in other elements of the story that have to do with the support systems for these families of power and influence for which I got some great ideas and feedback in this thread (posts 3 - 6 especially). My plan for Victoria is that she's part of Carl's sphere of influence, perhaps even his lover, or at least his favored lady of the evening. Maybe a switch of POV to her for this scene, as the boys are flitting their way through town, her perspective on their gushy-gushy banter and sparkle-sparkle smiles, which then takes her directly back to the Northern Wave, reporting to Carl on the goings-on she's just witnessed, Carl cleaving to the prospect of swinging Brena into his world, lots of room to really start fleshing Victoria out, her place in Carl's slice of the cosa nostra, and indeed an intro to the fact that there is a cosa nostra, that it's not just a monolithic realm where Petla rules all that the sun touches.

    You continue to sparkle, my dear, gem that you are. :)
     
    obsidian_cicatrix likes this.
  8. obsidian_cicatrix
    Offline

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,711
    Likes Received:
    1,453
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    Ta for pointing me toward that thread, I'd somehow managed to miss it.

    Since Victoria needs to be elaborated upon at any rate, how she perceives the boys' reactions could give the reader a good impression of her character with out having to labour the issue, even in the differences between how she sees their interaction and how she chooses to report it.

    This definitely seems to be a profitable way of ridding yourself of the heady, cloying aspects of the first throes without having your readers reach for the sick bucket. :D
     
  9. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    You and I share a commonality of mind when it comes to this. I think that too often writers are unwilling to view certain periods of their writing as warm-up or muddle-through, unwilling to espouse the idea that certain parts are written with the express purpose of throwing them away. It's the advice I always give in the perennial I don't know where to start my story! threads. I tell them to just start writing and Page 1 will make itself known in the fullness of time. :)
     
  10. Bjørnar Munkerud
    Offline

    Bjørnar Munkerud Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    140
    Location:
    Oslo, Norway
    I find that what feels natural to the writer in the situation is what is natural for the characters. Every real and fictional character and love is different, and so are writers. You can't really get accused of being unrealistic too easily, but of course the keeping it interesting part is up to you. If you don't feel like a conversation, however short, doesn't feel right, just let them have a really awkward silence, perhaps with silly facial expressions and hand gestured thrown in instead; people in an emotional state like the one you described don't tend to behave normally, anyway. Also consider skipping the morning after scene entirely and let the readers make up their own mind or just recap the events to them. The night out, meeting, fight or loss of a loved one or whatever happens later that day may be more interesting and important than them getting out of bed, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, easting breakfast, chatting and heading off to work anyway. Write what you write best, and centre your story and intended audience around that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  11. Sonne Lore
    Offline

    Sonne Lore Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2014
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    Brisbane
    @Wreybies For me it was just common sense. You have to get to know a story, even one you yourself are developing, and you can't do that unless you go through a certain amount of useless information.
     

Share This Page