1. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    The Driving force behind my story help is grealy needed

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by kcasteel2004, Dec 28, 2007.

    Im at the point in my story to write the chapter that propels the story to the end.

    Hani (My Main Character) losses both his mother, father and thought his sister right infront of his eyes during an attack on his villege.

    I know what I want to happen but am not sure how to write it.

    Im trying to capture emotion, and the moment so it is not forgotten through out the story.

    Well here is the part of the story I'm working on please take a look:

    Hani, The Last Guardian
    Chapter 3- Living Without You

    What would be the best way to write something like this?

    Do I need alot of diaglog?

    Should I not have anything diaglog at all and let the scene tell it self?

    Or is there anything you would suggest?

    Sorry if these are noobish questions but this is the most important scene in the story and would really like to hit a homerun with it.

    Any help you can offer would be great.

    Thanks alot:)
     
  2. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hehe, don't worry about asking a "noodbish" suestion, everyone asks questions like this.

    As for the question about how to write the scene, that is completely up to you. If you are really not sure you might like to do what I do an try writing it in a few different styles and see which sounds best. Try one way with lots of dialoge, one way without any, from different perspectives, that sort of thing.

    By the way you have decribed it, the scene sounds very emotinal so I would try and include detail of daft things, uninportant things really, that Hanni might remeber in later years, hautning him in nightmares maybe. Something that ties the chapter with the end of the book, so that people realise it is important. spend a while on this chapter; if it shapes the entire novel then you need to make sure people realise that this is important, not just some random scene.

    I know this isn't much help but I hope it offers you some help
    Heather
     
  3. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    I once wrote a story where I wanted to show my character's intense emotions for his parents' death. I mainly used two things: touchy sentences and past memories. I would suggest showing the character's feelings for those people who have passed, their simple moments we tend to forget (e.g. fighting with his sister and shouting out, wishing she were dead) which prick us a lot at these times. I hope I helped.
     
  4. Roxie
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    Roxie Active Member

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    Like Heather already mentionned try it out in different styles and see which ones grabs you the most. Don't be afraid to share your drafts with us. Also, you may want to keep it simple if you over embellish the emotions you are trying to portrait could be lost. Good luck!
     
  5. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    thank you all very much, I got alot of ideas. I will try to get a very rough draft up really soon.

    I would love to post the first chapter of my story but don't have promition to do so yet......cry

    Thanks again for the help, any thing else bad or good you can add would be great after all, "One can't grow as an artist if they don't know what they are doing wrong".
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    if your posts are typical of your writing, i strongly suggest you work on your grammar and spelling, first and foremost... i'm guessing from what i see here that engish is not your main language, so you'll need to study american [or british] style and usage...

    the best way to do that and to also learn the ways you can write your story is to read constantly... read and study the best work of the best authors of the type of story you want to write and you'll see there are many ways to hit that 'homerun'... if you want one-on-one help with this, feel free to drop me a line any time, as i work with many aspiring writers from all parts of the world...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  7. missupernatural
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    missupernatural Member

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    Oh these kind of chapters are fantastic.

    I'm guessing this is written in 3rd person?

    Try to get into the emotion of the scene - that's what you really have to tap into to make it effective.

    Put yourself in your MC's shoes - not everyone would react to the situation the same way:

    Some people would burst into tears and hide in a hole forever, some wouldn't say a word, some wouldn't show any change on the outside (but literally die on the inside), and then some would seek pure bloody revenge.

    You know your MC, we don't.

    So I spose before (and during) writing out your chapter, get into your characters thoughts, even if it is third person.
     
  8. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    You will probably need to review a few other peoples work first. In order to stop people from joining, posting their work then going, we ask that people review at least three peices of work before they post their own, to keep things fair and make sure everyone gets a review.

    Heather
     
  9. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    Three? I thought it was two?
     
  10. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    It was two. Is two. But can't say anything for tomorrow.
     
  11. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    As requested here is the chapter I'm working on just got finished typing and the beginning will most likly be changed. The style has been improved from the first chapter and I hope it captures the heart of the moment far better.

    Well here it is hope you enjoy.

    Hani, The Last Guardian
    Chapter 3- Living Without You

    For reference here is the story starter-

    It was almost 260 years after mankind left this world. Their cities returning to the earth in which they where formed. But the greatest threat to our survival is no longer humans but our own. The Honovian’s (strong deer) are great thinkers and teaches but few are brave enough to protect the villages and families spread through out our homeland Awenasa. Only a few where chosen by the spirits to protect our way of life. They where given the name Guardians and entrusted with the knowledge of combat. These first guardians pasted down their knowledge to the first born child of their family male or female it mattered not. The first step in becoming a guardian is to undergo the Great Trials when the first born reaches the age of Essen chant 16.

    I was a young buck full of drive, spirit, and thought I could take on the world itself. My father was going to take me to train for the trials I would soon take (I wish I had known that at the time). But little did I know what the spirits have in store for me, and my roll in the future of Gaia (Earth) was going to be.

    This is the story of how I became a Guardian, how much it hurts to loss what you have, how I over came that loss and won the love of the girl that was there for me all along…

    Thanks alot for all your post so far I got alot of ideas and hope you enjoy this part of my story. :)
     
  12. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    as i'd thought, on seeing your first post, and noted in my post above, though you write better than most i see on forums, you will have to work some on your english, before your work will be good enough to submit to us or uk publishers... things like 'where' for 'were' and 'loss' for 'lose' and 'pasted' for 'passed' jump out right away, and other more subtle problems in sentence structure and so on also need to be addressed...

    i won't be able to help you with this, since it seems it will have violent content, but i'm sure others here will be glad to do so... or, if you want help with something that is violence-free, just drop me a line any time...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  13. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    I'm sorry if this chapter seems abit dark but that is what I was going for. This is the part of the story where Hani my main character lost his family, his home, and himself.

    This is the darkest moment of his life, was trying to cature the moment as best I could and also honor his father with a heroic fight to protect his family.

    The story is about the battle between the darkness and the light, there will be blood shead, but that is only reality. In a war people are lost, good and bad, it's not something I can avoide.

    But thru it all I want to show that only through the darkness can a hero step into the light. If there where no darkness the light can't shine.

    If you are interest here is the last part of my story so you can see where I'm going with this.

    The End of Hani, The Last Guardian
     
  14. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    in the real world, one can't avoid it, but one can avoid using violence to entertain... and if writers choose not to, then i can't help them with that particular work...
     
  15. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    I'm truely sorry if I offened you in anyway by my writing that was not my intention. This chapter is just one chapter most contain no violence at all. This story started out as just being a love story between Hani, and Yamka. But no one read it, after I added this chapter everyone started to read. This story is also not aimed to children but for those age 15+, a child would never understand the emotion, the passion, or the heart I put into the characters, or setting.

    I hate violence as much as the next person I would never hurt another. But please know the violence in my story is only a very small part of my story itself.

    Again I'm very sorry if I offened you in anyway.
     
  16. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    not to worry, casteel!.. i'm not personally 'offended' by violence in writing, just won't help anyone write it, is all... and, small part or not, if anyone's fiction work has any violence in it at all, then i can't help them with it, as i've taken a vow to not aid and abet the use of violence in entertainment...

    and you haven't offended me in any way... love and hugs, maia
     
  17. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    What would be your position if the story condemns the violence rather than glorifying it?

    Just a point of curiosity.
     
  18. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    Cogito is there anychance you would reveiw this part of my story?

    It seem you have alot of experiance in this matter and the more veiws and opinions on the story will only help make it better, and better.

    mammamaia- I admire you for taking such a vow.

    Alot of people in the past few days have asked me the question:

    Why do you write and draw animals why not people?

    Here is my answer:

    I have always loved animals mostly deer. I'm formerly leader of a group that help protect a herd of deer near my home town for almost 6 years. If you got to know these creatures as I have, you would see all kinds of things not many other have seen. Each one has a story, their own way of doing things and families. But sadly we where told to stop protecting the herd by the park service and the next year hunters went in and killed most of them. Out of 25 only 4 where still alive. The sad thing about it is that the hunters didn't remove the bodies, or used them as food they just killed them. Out of the living there was one little fawn that had lost her mother, she became Yamka, Elu the main character in a story I'm writing and she is the reason I write and draw these creatures.

    Here is a picture of the fawn that I'm referring to (picture taken by me Saturday, May 06, 2006)
    The Real Yamka

    I felt so sorry for her, this little fawn lost her entire world, I never felt so much pain that day seeing the fear and pain in her eyes. But she knew me, she trusted me not to ever hurt her, I cared for her off and on through the rest of that year until she was ready to face the world on her own.

    I still see her from time to time, she is not afraid of me and knows I will never hurt her. She will run from anyone else so am very happy she can still tell friend from enemy.

    I want people to see these creatures as I do. They are not animals to me they are as much apart of this world as I am and have every right to live in it.

    My main goal is to show people the true spirit of these creatures and maybe influence others to see deer and other animals as something more and if I can save the life of even one this would all be worth it.
    ____________________________

    Sorry for the long answer but I felt this issue needed to be addressed.
     
  19. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    no change in position, cog... sad thing is, people don't read such stuff for the 'message' as much as they do for the violence itself... using violence to entertain is to me, a terrible wrongness that only leads to the further glorification and acceptance of violence in the real world...

    hugs, m
     
  20. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    So it's perfectly fine to have characters dealing with the effects of violence... as long as it's not actually portrayed in the work, correct? What if it's only threatened or hinted towards?
     

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