1. stanislav
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    stanislav Member

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    The expectant

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by stanislav, Apr 28, 2014.

    Dear all,

    my book is written, and also is the query letter. I would like to know what you think about the letter, is it composed correctly, is its content appealing to you?
    Thank you

    Dear...

    The death of the fired worker might not have stirred the stalling town, but demoted Ministry of interior officer Leonid Kosturski hopes of salvaging his good name and reclaiming his society resurrects when leads connecting the mutilated body with Leonid`s father-in-law firm and country`s number one tycoon shows up. Grabbing the opportunity to ”get even with the life”, he neglects by welcoming the risk lurking out of the information that the big crime is a part of the plan made by a powerful minister eager to take over the government.

    “The expectant” is a 155.000 words political thriller set in the time of Macedonian transition from socialism to market economy, the process also known as the crime of the century. A character-driven story about the man spending the most of his life under the back-cracking burdenof his uncle, a political émigré. Coming across a case of a crime caused by a corporative lust combined with a politician power struggle, Kosturski faces one dilemma - should he take his revenge if it means stigmatizing his only child.

    One of the subplots is based on a true story.
     
  2. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I read only one paragraph of your letter. If your English here is any indication of how you've written your novel, I can tell you now - you're NOT ready. Your level of English is not good enough to be published as it stands. You'll need a translator, or else a proofreader and editor who will fix all your English mistakes for you.

    To give an example:
    He neglects what?

    "The" risk sounds weird - usually there're "risks". "The" risk renders it a singular risk - in which case, you better specify.

    "lurking out of" - this sounds weird.

    "the information" - no article needed.

    And then you have sentence structure to tackle. What you're writing - if Polish is anything like Czech - reads like a direct translation from your own language. I'd believe that perhaps you copied and pasted direct from Google Translate, in fact. Your grasp of English sentence structure is poor.

    None of this says anything about your story - maybe your story is great. But if your English looks like this, no agent/publisher will touch it. Get yourself an editor/proofreader/translator, or else publish it in Polish.
     
  3. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    sorry, stanislav, but mckk is right... the entire letter is rife with grammar goofs and other glitches, making it incoherent at best... which doesn't mean you don't have a good story to tell, but only need help to tell it in readable/publishable form...

    if the ms is similar in quality, it will take much more than an editor or proofreader to bring it up to publishing minimums... it will need to be completely rewritten by a competent writing services provider who can capture your 'voice' while correcting all the mistakes and upgrading the overall quality...

    i wish you all the best in finding such a person, but be aware that it would cost you much more than you're likely to make on sales of the book, to hire someone who's able to do a good enough job... and no matter how good the rewrite provider may be, there is no guarantee the book will ever be accepted by a paying publisher, so you may end up out thousands of dollars euros[?] and still not have a published novel...

    love and consoling hugs, maia
     
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  4. stanislav
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    stanislav Member

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    I forgot to add that my book is due to be published here, soon, so I am now waging other options. Pity that essence of what I have written here is so incomprehensible.
    Thank you for advices, anyway.
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    is it being published in english, or in polish?

    and is it being published by a traditional [= paying] publisher, or a subsidy/self-publishing company?
     
  6. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If it's due to be published, what're you doing writing a query...? Any international sales and translation rights should be handled by your (presumably Polish) agent.

    And if you mean it's due to be self-published or through some other vanity press... seriously, listen to us - DON'T DO THIS. Yes you'll have a product out there - and given that it's in English, all the English speakers will read it, a large portion probably native speakers, and... I dunno how to say this without just being mean. You get the idea...

    Good luck anyway.
     
  7. Alix465
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    Alix465 Banned

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    Poor cover letters. As much as we despise them, they are a chance to make a case, to cover everything we can’t express in our resumes – which is a lot – and come across as real people to potential employers.
     

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