The not happy thread

I'm not happy because I spent a good 12 hours or more studying for my science exam and I felt like I didn't do as well as I hoped. I still think I did alright, but it just didn't feel right to know I'd wasted so much time and all of the stuff that was on it I either knew completely or had no idea about.

 

Exactly like me. Except I didn't do alright either.

 

Third. Except they were my macroeconomics and math exams.
I'm a writer, darnit; I dont understand numbers and lines!

My 'boyfriend' isnt even talking to me at the moment after last night's drama, and my parents have decided to go ahead with the divorce, and I woke up really early today to go vomit --but I couldnt, because I cant because I screwed my body up long ago.
And I just ran out of my sleeping tablets when I'd most love to sleep more than anything, and I wont be able to get them refilled until Tuesday. I guess I'll just take a page from Modest Mouse's book and "drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away"...

I'm whining at this point... I'm so glad there's a place to put this where no one will judge me, right?

 

Blech. My facebook won't let me log in and I'm out of soap to do the mountain of laundry I have.

 

I am not happy cause I miss putrid bellymoth. He is my finch and so cute! But he is living with my parents in their bird cage with their finches.

 

Is brain dead an emotion? if so, that's me.

EDIT: oh, and my dad is leaving in the morning and will be gone to Cali for two months. Dunno how I feel about that really. Not exactly a positive emotion, at least.

 

I am going to an audition in 20 minutes, and I am terrified about singing in front of everyone.

 

In that area I'm one emotional dude...

 

Ugh!!! My fracking debit card got swallowed by the ATM when it decided to have a fit and shut down. The (annoyingly American) woman on the phone was very helpful cancelling it for me, but that doesn't change the fact that it's gonna be another 4-6 days before the replacement arrives, and it'll be sent to my home, rather than my uni address. Ugh! Fracking banks!

 

I HATE MY COURSE! I want to drop it sooooo badly. And before you say it, I AM sure of this, this is NOT just a spur of the moment thing, and I AM confident that I've made the right choice.

 

I am a little sad because I found a stray Maltese yesterday. She is very skinny and her coat is in an abominable condition. My sister said she would take her, but last night the dog chased her cats, so now we have to find a rescue group to take her.

 

I keep grinding my teeth in my sleep so because of this my mouth aches. Constantly. I have a very real urge just to pull my teeth out, as strange as that sounds.

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow for the first of two sessions which should sort it out. Which is good. It's gonna cost £198 though... which is bad. Especially seeing as I'm between jobs at the moment. I can afford it though as I have an overdraft... which is either good or bad depending on the way you look at it.

 

I've decided to not join the military.

Which seems an odd thing to be angry about, but it's been a dream of mine since I was very young, and now that I'm finally old enough to join up, I find myself unwilling due to my relationship with my girlfriend.

She would support me no matter what, I know this, but I don't want to put the strain of being boyfriend to a military man on her already stressful life.

So really, a whole bag of mixed feelings. Not totally pleasant, but hey, what can ya do?

 

I'm not happy because I don't seem to be doing a very good job and I am starting to believe I never will either...

 

I'm feeling extremely unhappy right now...

 

You can solve your nocturnal teeth grinding problem for a few dollars. Simply purchase an over-the-counter "mouth guard" like football players wear during sports. They are soft rubber with a breathing hole through the center. My wife discovered this little gem of knowledge after her dentist charged her $500 for a custom fit mouth guard. The dog got hold of it...thought it was neat chew toy...and instead of buying a replacement mouthpiece for another $500, she bought the sports edition for about $15. It worked every bit as well to protect her teeth from night-grinding.

 

My parents are getting a divorce.

 

damn... I'm really sorry JaM1221... I don't know what else to say.... I'm really, really sorry.

I'm not really sure how I feel today... I've be swept away by Tsunami of memories and it has left me feeling... lost? distraught? hurt? I really don't know... I feel like I've been picked up by a twister and just spinning around inside being beaten by everything else that was picked up as it came along....

 

I'm irritated because my head is fuzzy and I can't focus today.

 

I'm hurting because I miss Bubby. He's been gone for 3 years now and though it is easier to deal with, the intensity of the pain never lessens at all...

 

The loss will always be there, and it will always ache. But you carry him lovingly in your heart, and that will will grow stronger as the pain slowly subsides.

Peace, my friend.

 

thank you Cogito!

 

I'm mad at myself. I try, but... I can't feel sorry for other people. Like... I'm literally losing my empathy, which is something I've always been glad to have. I've been through a lot, and there are many people with whom I can relate. But I can't do it anymore. My mind just automatically thinks to them: So? That's ONE bad thing. For example, my friend's parents are getting divorced. Do I feel sorry for her? No. And I should relate because my mother's been divorced twice, but I can't. All I think is what's the big deal? It's just divorce. At least you get to see both your parents. My dad's dead. I never get see him again. Why are you complaining? Get over it.

I never say these things out loud. I make myself be comforting. But in my head, I feel like a terrible person. But there's so much that's happened to me, and I realize why it isn't getting easier. I had no time in between to get over any of it. I always had something else mess me up within a year of whatever happened to me. And it was never a little thing. Always a huge thing. Within two years, I lost the four most important people in the world to me. Just like that. And I'm so confused because time is supposed to heal all wounds, except I didn't have time, so... Now it feels like I lost four people at once, and that's a huge burden to bear.

I'm sorry. I'm ranting and probably sound like a crazy person.

 

I woke up with a terrible headache and in spite of taking something, it isn't going away.

 

Struck a chord with me. I'm always being accused of being unemotional in my writing, though, which isn't so good for a writer.
It's like a person gets hardened when they've suffered rather than empathising with someone who's sufferering.
I guess the trick is to remember back to how we felt AT THE TIME in order to empathise. I mean, maybe my first impulse is to go, e.g. "So? He's cheated on you, has he? All men do that" but when I put myself back in time to when it happened to me and almost wrecked my family, the pain was nearly unbearable...