On a less selfish note than my last post on here, I would like to add my concern for my friend Mikail who is having cancer surgery today. This is his fourth go around on this. They are removing two spots from his lung. Prayers are welcome.
Baywriter, Please don't tear yourself up over what you think you should feel. People just aren't wired that way. Sometimes you will feel very intensely, other times you will just feel empty. It's normal. It doesn't mean you're turning cold or insensitive. It just means there are other things going on. Your emotions may need a respite, or something else may be taking up your mental or emotional energy. I've seen your heart though your writings, You are very sensitive, and you are complicated. You don't see things in black and white. Divorce carries plenty of baggage too, and that includes other family members. The feelings will come, and sometimes you'll wonder why the hell you ever wished for more feelings. The divorce is not on your head, even if by some chance someone is implying that it is. And anger IS a normal reaction in your position, too. If you can talk to your friends about what you're dealing with, that's great. If not, look into hotlines. Nearby hospital community centers should be able to give you some numbers. Sometimes just ranting to a stranger is the best thing in the world.
Baywriter - There is nothing wrong not "feeling" sympathetic for your friend's problems. From your own experiences, you know it could be a lot worse. What now? How do you protect yourself from more pain and suffering? It sounds like you're trying to harden yourself against "feeling" for your friends because you've reached your own limit. I've been where you are...most of us have at one time or another. Cog offers sound advice. If your emotional burden is so severe as to strip you of your "empathy", then it's time to find an effective outlet. It might be as simple as venting with friends, or even blowing off steam in a place like this with strangers who are willing to lend an ear. If the pressure becomes too much for such outlets, then it's time for more professional support. The point is, we care! And, we want you to feel better. So, vent all you need...talk, talk, talk...to someone, because it's obvious you need to work out some of those bad feelings. By the way, I respect that despite your internal lack of empathy, you are going through the motions to be supportive for the benefit of your friiend...that's good character.
Carmina, I wish the very best for your friend. Cancer is a tenacious villain, but it can be defeated. I hope his surgery turns out well. ps...hope your headache passes, too.
Still waiting to hear back on whether I got a part in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I hate waiting.
i am not so happy because a good friend of mine just died in a car accident while trying to avoid hitting a dog;_;
I'm kinda worried about my friend. Well more just I feel pointless cuz he has alot of family issues and anxiety issues and I hate that he has those issues and I never know what to say when he mentions them...especially right now because he hates January...
I saw my ex tonight. The one that knocked up another girl while we were dating. He was with another girl that he did while we were dating. It was awkward, and he insisted on standing uncomfortably close to me for most of the night.
I think my friends might ditch me for the anti-tolo tolo sleepoever we've been planning so they can go to tolo
I am upset today because I'm tired of screwing around with ebay, and I feel like i've been living in a Emily Dickenson poem for the past two years, and I have this great Idea for a story, but I cant seem to bring myself to actually begin the whole writing step....and I just want to go back to Boston. I know that my problems aren't as bad as some of you guy's, but Im still ready to start throwing things.
Dont throw things! That's how my mirror got busted. :redface: Soujiroseta -- I'm so sorry about your friend. These things should never happen. I believe that when you die, concious soul or not, you are then a part of this earth and all of its beauty. He's spirit may have passed, but he will quite literally become everywhere around you. This tragedy makes my own pathetic whining sound trivial and inconsequential (probably because it is). .. My self esteem was hovering around just below normal --until I caught sight of myself in the mirror. It's back in the negatives now. I'm fat and stupid. Awesome.
I'm not happy because for some reason unknown to me, someone who, this time last month, I was really close to, does not seem to want to know all of a sudden. We would talk on the phone, text && chat on MSN,, and now he doesn't seem interested. I text, no reply. I talk on MSN and I get stupid yes and no answers. Well screw him
The newspaper came down today, with my article in it --you know, the one I spent weeks researching and interviewing? The page designer cut the last 500 words from the 850 word story. There was no ending at all! (Designers are allowed to take out a word or two; anything more must be run by the reporter --me.) And, she f**ked up the photos. The people in the photos and the people in the cutlines were not even the same people! She would have known that if she proofread the page like she was supposed to. I didnt see the page before it went to print. I suppose I could have if I wanted to, but once I submit my final copy, it's out of my hands anyway. Even if I had seen it once she had placed it, I wouldnt have been able to change anything. I stuck my neck out there on a risky article to even print, and someone who's 'invisible' screws it up. That's my name on the byline, not hers. Everyone thinks it's my fault, but it's not. Knowing her (she thinks the sun shines out of her a**), she's not going to apologize to our sources, let alone me, so I spent the better part of my day apologizing to all of my sources on behalf of myself, my editor, my page designer, and our copy editors. I really hope she gets fired for this. She's jeopardized the credibility of everyone on this staff.
Don't you guys hate when you are all excited about writing, and it's all you can think anbout all day. Then, you get home and you turn on your laptop and and open the file, and all of the sudden, every urge you had to write drains from your body. You can feel it,too, leaving. So, so frustrating.
Plushii...I recommend Lorazapam....good s@#$. I am STILL waiting to hear back on my audition last Sunday. We were promised we would hear by Friday. *sigh*
I hate that. I was also supposed to hear back of an important decision at my newspaper bureau on Friday. Patiencepatiencepatience. *sigh* I'm unhappy because I spent the better part of my day laying in bed playing new age music on the lowest sound available with the worst migrane I've ever had in my life, only getting out of bed to do chores. I ended up dragging my laptop over to my bed after a while to watch a new anime I'm addicted to, but the glow of the backlight only made it worse (although the anime boosted my morale a bit. ) My day was mad productive. EDIT: WATCH OUT, EVERYONE. POURING LIQUID WAX FROM, SAY, A CANDLE, DOWN THE DRAIN IS NOT THE WAY TO GO. I just made this discovery today. I didnt realize that the wax hardens again after you blow out the candle. I thought, since it was liquid, down the drain it goes! WRONG. Guess who's getting new pipes...?
I'm not happy because I told my boyfriend about something I did in the past to try and help him that ended up backfiring and I lost a wonderful friend because of it. =( Which, isn't so bad because I knew the consequences of what I was doing then might suck, it's the part where he blames himself (even though I made all the decisions on my own) that makes he sad. =( And I have lots of homework and I can't focus so I should be going to bed. But I'm not.