The Not Happy Thread

Cancer is a horrible thing, at least she isn't suffering anymore. Sorry to hear about your loss @Lemex.

 

Sorry to hear that, @Lemex. There is no upside to cancer, is there?

 

@Lemex and @Trish

 

Thanks everyone. Thank you.

 

lol
"yes you do." wreybies LOL iMODERATE!! HAHA

I thought everyone's comments got banned on accident or something for that day. Or like some terrorist got out of control because they kept trying to do something stupid to this site and then rumors abound. And then something else happened that made cogito end up banning me. So now I think this site is p00p. But thanks for clarifying.

lol guys

 

In light of what happened, I'm afraid my 'not happy' is going to downplay it.

I've got migraines since last Sunday, and I'm a bit annoyed at it. I thought it was because of the HD-TV I had, so I toned down the brightness, but it's still there. I'll have to get some migraine pills. >_> I wonder if there's a way for me to get used to the enlarged HD-TV screen? Maybe that's part of the problem?

 

Good news! He was finally moved back today. I told him it would only take a day and it took a little longer but I pushed and the family pushed and it happened. Now I can rest safely knowing my grandmother has her husband looking out for her again. =)

 

That's awesome! I'm really happy for them (and you of course).

 

Right now I am not happy that cheated on my diet by having some ice cream after supper.

I couldn't resist!

 

Cheated? You slipped. No intent to deceive.

It happens. But caning yourself with a guilt stick won't help. Just put it behind you and move forward.

You won't succeed if you feel perpetually deprived. You have to allow yourself treats.

 

Three days...not much in the way of actual sleep...No reason for it either...

 

exhaustion from working nights, one more shift to go as well...

 

@Lemex My condolences. I'm sorry for your loss. I know it can be very hard to watch a loved one suffer.

 

first world problems...

 

The second half of today's happy/unhappy post.

So... I was clearing my balcony of pigeons. The place was an utter mess, the guano and debris piled twelve inches deep in places. My original intention was to use a wallpaper scraper—no joy, it was as if the pigeon poo had become petrified. No problem... I got out my drill, chose a large masonry drill bit and hammered into it. Saved me so much elbow grease.

If only my next door neighbour hadn't started feeding them.

The reason it got so bad was that the birds had laid several eggs before I'd even noticed. I decided to let them hatch given that I was unsure whether the contents were viable or embryonic, but that was just silly of me. Even before they were ready to fly the mothers laid more. After two clutches hatched, I started going to the nests each morning, (the ones that were clearly visible) and destroyed the freshly laid eggs.

Today, I broke down the little shed I keep my decorating supplies in and was just about sick when I started to break down the nest behind that.

Spoiler: Please don't read this if you are easily upset in regard to animals.

Because I had been watching the comings and goings like a hawk, and knew all the birds and their offspring, it did not escape my attention that two of the young had done a disappearing act. I just thought they'd gone to pester someone else. Not so. I did my usual, chucked the freshly laid eggs over the balcony and started to break through the solid mass underneath with my drill bit. Once I got so far in, the stone-like guano started to feel softer—in fact it was quite the thriving little ecosystem—so I gloved up and started to lift the compost-y stuff, and that's when I realised. One of the young birds had died, and the parents simply built over the top of its corpse. Aside from its eyes being gone, it was remarkably well preserved and I got to thinking of the Bog Men. Sad to say, I soon found the other missing bird, in much the same way and in the same state. I'm not sure what upset me the most, their deaths or what came after. Stupid really, I guess the pigeons were just doing what pigeons do. Up until now, I was simply unaware of it. I still found it shocking to think the newest batch had been raised on the graves of their siblings.

Anyhoo... to add to my general annoyance, I noticed my neighbors adjoining balcony was retaining water from the heavy rainfall last night. I ended up elbow-deep in goodness knows what kind of foul smelling sludge, unblocking the most ridiculous excuse for a drainage system I've ever seen.

Added to that, I was covered head to toe in poo. I thought of my health, wore gloves and a mask... I really should have given my feet more consideration. I wasn't wearing socks, had Crocs on—I know, I know... ugly as sin. What can I say, I appreciate comfort, and I knew I didn't have broken skin or an open wound on my feet so I just went with them. At some point in the proceedings, I rocked back on my heels and felt a squish. I immediately took off my Croc, examined the sole of my foot and realised that a huge Wolf spider had made it's way through one of the holes above the sole to escape the carnage. Oops. I felt really bad. I would never purposely kill a spider.

So that's my day so far... happy that the job is done, but unhappy to find out the fate of the two young'uns. I liked my imagination's version of events far better.

 

Regular use of meds fucking sucks. Yesterday I switched from tramadol to pregabalin to lower my tolerance of tramadol. You see, daily use is almost a must when you live with chronic pain, but your body gets used to the meds and constantly needs larger doses. I've overdosed with tramadol twice already and both instances would've been lethal if I'd been alone then.

So, enter pregabalin. Unlike tramadol, which justs boosts my pain tolerance and helps me stay active, pregabalin makes me almost manic depressive; two cycles repeat, alternating between zombie-like zoning out during which I sometimes hallucinate, as if I'm in a waking dream and sometimes start speaking nonsense mid-conversation.
Then it turns into the manic phase. I have a compulsion to do stuff all the time, usually at least 2-4 things at the same time, like watching some tv show while browsing the net, writing songs (coming up with melodies, harmonies, and riffs in my head), and talking with @KaTrian. And I talk a lot and really fast during these phases and I change the things I do at the drop of a hat, bustling around our home like some damn lunatic.

It's just annoying to be so controlled by drugs, as if I'm not myself or at least not fully. Can't wait to fucking kick them to hell and be done with all this shit.

 

Well, just yuck. Yuck. Start to finish yuck. I do hope your shower is working! And your washing machine....

 

I'm not going to 'like' this because I don't. I feel really bad you're going through this shit.

 

Yeah, Kat said the same thing about liking it, and yeah, it sucks big time, but the long-term benefits are well worth a few weeks of sleepless nights, mood swings, memory lapses, itchy blood, muscle spasms, and all the other wonders of opiate withdrawals. At least pregabalin makes them borderline bearable and having no apetite helps get that lean beach physique. Always look on the bright side of life and all that.

 

That's a bummer, T. Psych meds are sadly still a trial and error affair. Hopefully you are getting the best options but I wouldn't take a second opinion off the table.

 

I'm seriously depressed. I just graduated out of a prestigious business school, completely exhausted with my life. My mom didn't even attend my graduation. I was happy for a moment, writing and reading whatever I want (it was a goal of mine to rest for a couple of months), until I got wind of my financial situation from my parents. I can't find an entry level job. I wanted to look towards the publishing field but everyone seems to be hiring based on connections and I have none. I can't afford to do another (unpaid) internship. Sigh, and then a friend of mine passed away, probably due to exhaustion. I still remember scolding him for it every time I saw him. And yes, I'm grieving, even though we weren't really that close. I felt bad for not attending his funeral.
And now, an old co-worker/good friend of mine was just diagnosed with lymphoma.
On top of that, a really close friend's dad passed away due to cardiac arrest. I can no longer go to her for support. Writing is my only escape...

 

Man that's rough.

It took my son 6 months out of grad school with a masters in applied math to get a job, and he had to take a paid internship but it paid off and now they've upped his status to a real job with good wages.

Around here Whole Foods and Starbucks are where a lot of people with college degrees are working until they can find jobs.

I sell stuff on EBay that I bought over the years at thrift stores and yard sales. If I didn't have my own business, I'd either do more of that, mow lawns or clean houses.

But it helps to be motivated and not burnt out on life. All you can do is wait it out, don't give up, things never stay the same, even when they're good that can be true.

 

I'm not exactly the strongest person when it comes to dealing with stress, but I can tell you a few things that have been said to me before.

These are the times when you will really be shaped as a person. Don't shy away from adversity, but fight against it and come out in the end a better, stronger person than you are today.

 

@Mercissa

-Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Thanks, GingerCoffee and Lewdog! Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. It's just really tough coming from an immigrant family. I've had to pull myself together all my life because my parents have no connections nor jobs here. I'm usually a go-getter but this period of uncertainty is tough and only getting tougher. I have to force myself to get up each day. I get momentarily happy from writing and then it hits me that I didn't spend the time writing up applications instead. The only person working in my family is my bro who has a banking job. But he refuses to help me get a job. My only connection, my boss from a previous internship who is very well connected in the business community, is too busy right now to help me. He's helped other people before and I pulled a heavy weight while I interned there. But I'm really just laying a lot of eggs in that basket. I've got to wait till end of August for his work load to clear up.