1. Funny Bunny
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    Funny Bunny Contributing Member

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    The Steam Roller

    Discussion in 'Strong Character Contest' started by Funny Bunny, Oct 3, 2007.

    story has been deleted from this site, thanks for reading
     
  2. poempedlar
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    poempedlar Senior Member

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    I am loathe to criticise your language but if it is helpful to you, perhaps I should tell you what I think. I can't understand the dialogue. Perhaps it is because I am British but then this forum is open to people all over the world and those who have English as their second language speak it as I do and will also have difficulty. Sorry, perhaps others disagree?
     
  3. Funny Bunny
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    Funny Bunny Contributing Member

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    Due to a technical error I was forced to remove some poets. thank you.
     
  4. absis minas
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    absis minas Member

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    I'll respond in more detail later on (bedtime right now), but good God is that a fine example of a sentence.
     
  5. mollyburton
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    mollyburton Member

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    I found the text confusing, like you were switching focus too quickly.

    But lordie did I love the tone.
     
  6. Funny Bunny
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    Funny Bunny Contributing Member

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    Due to a technical error I was forced to remove some poets. thank you.
     

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