1. Sir Cameron
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    Sir Cameron Member

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    The truth about cats and dogs

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Sir Cameron, Aug 13, 2007.

    Here are two diaries of and average household cat and dog. Enjoy.

    Day number 180
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD!MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 181
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 182
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


    EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with
    bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on
    fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The
    only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,
    and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
    occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
    another houseplant.

    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by
    weaving around their feet while they were walking
    almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
    stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
    vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
    on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the
    headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I
    am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
    hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
    good little cat I was .....Hmmm. Not working according
    to plan.

    DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
    For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.
    This time however it included a burning foamy chemical
    called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
    liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb
    still stuck between my teeth.

    DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
    accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
    event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
    foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
    importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
    MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and
    how to use it to my advantage.

    DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are
    flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely
    released and seems more than happy to return. He is
    obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has
    got to be an informant, and speaks with them
    regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due
    to his current placement in the metal room his safety
    is assured.

    But I can wait...it is only a matter of time...
     
  2. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    Ok!!
     
  3. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    That is one of my favourite jokes.
    Thanks for posting
     
  4. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    That is amusing. And true. Dogs are stupid, and cats are evil.
     
  5. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    I know. My cat has given me scars. I really gotta post some pics of my cat. He gets this evil look in his eyes sometimes. *shudders*
     
  6. Sir Cameron
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    Sir Cameron Member

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    my cat is on prozac. I'm not even kidding, we have to give it to her everdy day.
     
  7. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well the cat diary entries sound nice compared to my cat little bit lol he was that savage no one would walk past our house anymore lol

    But this was such a great laugh, thanks for posting it.
     
  8. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    When you say cat, Torana, do you mean cougar or something?
     
  9. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    Nah, it's probably a Pink Panther.
     
  10. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    Now that is an amusing image :p
     
  11. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    No it was a manx cat you fools! He was sooooooo vicious hey. Better than a guard dog aye. Put the neighbours dog into the vets so many times it isn't funny lol I miss that cat may he rest in piece the little devil that he was lol
     
  12. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    Manx cats are the ones without tails, right? They make me feel uneasy (and sneezy, but all cats do that). A cat should have a tail, damnit!
     
  13. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    He had a hook tail was like 4 centimeters long but yeah they are the tail less cats. It is a genetic mess up and yeah they gave it a breed lol (as far as I know that is the case anyways)
     
  14. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    they are awesome cats so there *pokes tongue at Banzai*
     
  15. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A friend of mine owned a Maine Coon Cat many years ago. These are very large housecats. I was visiting them on my vacation, and the cat came over demanding to be petted. I obliged, and the cat purred happily for several minutes. Then she abruptly decided she no longer wanted to be petted, and reached up and slashed my arm with her claws. I said something like "What the f***!", and my friend said, "Oh yeah, I should have warned you, she does that all the time."
     
  16. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    Hah! Nice friend you have there, Cogito :p
     
  17. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    College buddy. It just didn't occur to him to say something - they were used to the cat's ways, and had learned to be ready to yank back the hand as soon as the cat shifted its weight to swing the claw.
     
  18. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Cogito Nadala had a cat that always did that, although she was a little house cat and so adorable lol
     
  19. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    Hehe, I wish I had a raven. I'd have it sit on my shoulder so I could set it on people. Or a winged monkey. That would be cool.

    "Fly, my pretties!"
     
  20. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    That is why it's illegal for Banzai to own pets.
     
  21. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Hey Raven! Banzai wants you to sit on his shoulder!

    (That is just SO wrong!!!!)
     
  22. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    hahahahahahaha (that is so so very very wrong Cogito) but absolutely hilarious for me!!!!!!!
     
  23. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    Cats are not so evil to people, unless you count my mothers crazy cat. She's just insane and attacks people.

    My cats on the other hand adore me. My kitten may like to play rough, but when it comes down to it, he is the most adorable thing.

    It's funny how human like they are. For example. My cat Sammie was the one I fawned over and showed most of my love to. Then when the kitten came, and I ran to him before running to her, she got JEALOUS. I'm serious. After that she gave the cold shoulder and whenever I would go to pet her, she would swipe me with her paw.

    Then I love how when you put a new cat into a group of cats. With the group of the cats, there is already a chose top male and female. When you add in the new cat, they will fight, hiss and argue to see where his or her place is.

    Anyways :p Hi.
     
  24. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    My cat little bit was the devil I swear. I had scratches from my toes to my hair line from him, fresh everyday.
    Youcouldn't breathe or blink or anything when he was around or he'd attack.

    But I loved him so much :D
     
  25. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    I thought Bick was supposed to be gone...?
     

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