A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck."
Got this one from the intro of a trance song I've been listening: Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline. -If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. -If you are Codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. -If you are Multiple Personality, pres 3 4 5 6 -If you are Paranoid, we know what you are, what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call. -If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership. -If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. -If you are Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you. -If you are Dyslexic, press 69696969 -If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep, please wait for the beep. -If you have a Short Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later. -And if you have No Self-Esteem, hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.