1. mrgt
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    mrgt New Member

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    Tidal Emotions

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by mrgt, Dec 7, 2010.

    - I haven't really had much of a passion for writing in years, but recently some thoughts were flowing through my mind, and I decided to put them into words. Let me know what you guys think, or what should/shouldn't be corrected. Thank you!-

    Tidal Emotions

    Why is it, that human nature allows the ebb and flow of emotions, swirling in our mind, to guide us on our journey through life? There is something buried within each of us, that screams out to continue along the lighted path ahead. But instead, we choose to bury this voice and allow the demons pulling at our heart strings to determine whether we turn left or right. I don’t know exactly how it started, or where it began, but what I do know is that now, after so much time in the fog, I can see clearer than ever.
     
  2. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Pretty good..your grammar/syntax is sound except for that one first comma. However, try to delete the cliche phrases: "journey through life," "pulling at our heart strings," etc.
     
  3. mrgt
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    mrgt New Member

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    Thanks Mallory! I wasn't sure about a couple of those commas to be honest, but i'll be sure to take out all the cheesy/overused phrases in the future.

    Appreciate the feedback!


    - GT -
     
  4. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Actually, I'd also delete the comma following "...something buried within each of us" as well as the one after "exactly how it started". I'll also echo Mallory's point about cliche phrases. I understand that you're just beginning to put emotions into written words. But writing about something while you are experiencing deep emotion about it is not usually the way to get the best writing. I find the best writing, especially about strong emotions, requires the writer to maintain a certain sense of detachment. It's a bit like an actor not wanting to experience the emotions he's supposed to be portraying while he's portraying them.

    This piece strikes me as very personal to you. Epiphanies (if that's what it is) can be like that. So for you, it may be a seminal piece of work, but that's because of your emotions being engaged as you write. I have two suggestions.

    First, if this is part of an emotional wellspring that has truly caught you up and you feel you really want to express it, try writing something poetic - using different words and images to get across what you're actually trying to say. Good poetry (which I myself cannot write at all) can carry tremendous emotional power.

    Second, if you are like me and poetry just doesn't work for you, try writing a scene with two people, one of whom is trying to express your emotions to the other. Keep the phrases simple and straight-forward. Make the relationship between them one that you are completely comfortable with - one of which you can picture yourself being a part. I bet you will have a powerful piece of writing that says what youo want it to say when you're done.

    Good luck!
     

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