Hey, thanks. You as well. And I'm right there with you on the delivery problem. lol. Frustrating, isn't it, to be full to bursting of all these ideas and feel helpless to give them proper expression? Even when I know what I've written is good, I still have this niggling feeling it falls short of doing justice to my idea. I guess that's where honing one's skills at the craft comes in. Oh...dear. Now this is getting better all the time.
lol. You make a point but I don't think I ever intended to expand into that much detail for it. As it was more a minor character and a sub plot in a story. Yep. But that is where getting better comes in. Last year I was 100x crappier than I am now. So I look forward to finding out how much better I am next year already. That is also where the sci-fi/fantasy elements start to poke there head into this story. lol
Oh, definitely. I've been writing since I was a kid, and the progress I've made in quality is almost unbelievable even to me. Unfortunately, I haven't practiced my craft consistently, and tended to shy away from writing those scenes that I felt required knowledge I didn't have. So I'm still very insecure about my skills in those areas. I think practice does make perfect. Eventually, anyway. lol. At least, that's what I'm counting on because there's so much more I want to do than I've done. So I'm assuming his weapon concepts are where sci-fi/fantasy enter in? You said she's a "fighter." I can see all kinds of delicious possibilities here... Or...does someone steal them and try to use his own ideas against him? Then he'd have to outwit himself, after a fashion.
I think if he's doing this for himself, okay, fine, whatever works for you, man. It's quite obsessive, though, isn' t it? Like a person who hasn't lost their faculties would just move on, but he hasn't. If he thinks he still has a chance with the girl and this devotion will help him win the girl, I think it's... eeh, kinda creepy. But that's just me. If I was the girl, I'd back away slowly. Granted, if we had had a super tight connection back in the day, like out-of-this-world Romeo & Juliet type of obsessive relationship, I'd be okay with it 'cause I'd have already known he's a bit eccentric and I'd probably be one too. I understand obsession in a relationship; when it's mutual, it's fine. But then again, I'm one of those girls who don't find it romantic when e.g. a guy thinks he can win his crush's heart despite her rejections if he just tries hard enough, romance movie/novel style. I don't want a guy with a boom box in my backyard -- If I had a dog, I'd let it loose on him. I don't want some guy who's still sort of "courting" me to interrupt me with a kiss when I'm talking -- I'd be like, "Wtf? Rude!" I sure as hell don't want him hovering in my bedroom when I'm sleeping. I don't want to be proposed to in public. So it's not really a surprise I don't respond with "aw, so sweet" to your scenario either. But I think it's still a nice idea and this character can definitely work. So, go for it and have fun writing.
I get your position but there are two points I want to add. One I thought I did in my original message. One, he rejected her at a time. The idea being that she got really bad news(found out she was sick) and tried to sleep with him. He saw it sort of like she was intoxicated by the fear of her news. He thought she would as such regret it. So he refused. Two, he does love her and he knows this but he never really flat out says it. Nor is his motives here to win her over. In a sense he is doing it because he believes its right. If i had to explain his actions. I would say they are sort of like. "He believes true love only happens once. He believes she is his. So there is no point in seeking love anymore. Either they will be together, which will eventually naturally happen. Or he will die waiting for her. There is no other path." And he probably would continue going to that cafe, even if he discovered she died. I think in his mind, he would still just be wondering. "What if she isn't dead." Point being, he never applies pressure or pushes her or tries to force his way into being with her. If she arrived. Asked how the coffee was, and then wanted to leave. He would politely reply and continue doing what he does. I find it funny because his devotion seems to imply he has no back bone. Yet he said no to her and he is more than willing to say no to anyone that tries to argue against his desire. So he does have a backbone, just uses it in a weird way. If that makes sense? Thanks for the reply.
Yeah, I think this is fine, and it's also pretty interesting! I wasn't quite sure what you were going for there, so I just gave my first impression. Love can make people do funny things, that's for sure.
I think it's cute. But only because he's 19 and it's plausible. But at age 27 it seems crazy without a payoff
I find him interesting, but I've learned from screenwriting that when a character is repetitive, they get boring. A good writer (screenwriter or not) will need ways to keep their character going, which is usually throwing them in a situation completely opposite them. MC a quiet shy girl? Have her pretend to be her super famous, rich twin sister who mysteriously disappeared while she looks for her. MC a redneck old fart who just wants live on his ranch tending the animals? Have his younger niece from the city forced to stay. You get my example. I think it would be interesting if a character (Probably a girl) tries to get him out of his lifelong goal of staying there. Like others have said, it's a bit obsessive, so if a female co-worker begins falling in love with him, she'll try and get him to move on. Of course, it sounds like he finally sees her again, but hey, love triangles can sometimes be pretty fun.
Part of this goes back to the concept that this is a minor character and a sub-plot. lol Not the mc but I realized, it needs more screen time than I originally intended. lol
What your story lacks is context. He only goes there once a week or once a day, right? So he can still have a job, make friends, enjoy hobbies, et cetera; but somewhere in his mind, he has this sense of duty to do this one thing. It's no more consuming of life than is going to the gym for forty-five minutes a day.
Once a week. Then again, it is a sub-plot in a story. But the difference is the average gym person will miss a day if something pops up. He wont. Ever.
Creeps are creeps because they are unwanted. Waiting for someone week in week out is more of a trait of a hopeless romantic. It would be creepy if he'd be like "I'm gonna try to find you by invading your private life by any means possible. It doesn't matter whether I'll have to try and track you down by spying on your family and friends or sitting hours in front of a computer going through all of your friends' activities on social media." Waiting for a girl at a more or less neutral location (the cafe is not on her way home or anything, so her privacy is not invaded) is not creepy imo. Apart from that I really enjoy your ideas. I wish you the best of luck with writing it! So long, Ippo.
