1. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    Too precocious?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Melzaar the Almighty, Sep 21, 2010.

    Hrm. I think I've found a bit of a thin spot in my plot...

    Basically, it's sort of important that the MC doesn't know this guy who's bossing him around is actually 5 years younger than him. In the introduction to this character he's described as "young-looking" but then a lot of emphasis is thrown on how that's probably not real (fantasy, ya know? Just assumes he's immortal so probably at least 50 years old already, fair enough assumption for a guy in a huge amount of power).

    Aaanyway, just glancing through the opening to make sure I haven't shot myself in the foot anywhere.

    At one point the younger man calls the older one "Young [name]" -- a reference to the fact he has a father who had the same name, though also, obviously, giving the impression of being a lot older than him. This is UNINTENTIONAL as a side-effect though, from the younger guy's point of view. He really did just have the guy's father on his mind.

    As a reader, would seeing someone call someone else "young [name]" make it too unbelievable when it's revealed the true age difference? I can't even work in the named-for-the-father thing until after, since the precocious brat is named for his too, which can only come out after his age is revealed as part of the confusion. There's a whole page between it, in which some readers (I would) might go back to re-read the introduction of this character.

    Just wondering if it will seem like a plot hole, or over-kill, once the reveal is made.
     
  2. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would see it as snide and patronising - I have a character use it with Angus and it is not ment in a nice way. I would see it as someone trying to get the upperhand.
     
  3. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    But not, ultimately, compromising his character by trying too hard to make him sound old? :p
     
  4. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    If I'm understanding you that might be a touch confusing/ awkward.

    Could the young chap not refer to the other as.. Surname junior.

    Or if he is given to facetiousness..Master Surname

    Both are less likely to cause confusion.
    Do fantasy characters have surnames?.I don't know:redface:
     
  5. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    They do have surnames. :p Maybe I could use that - using a family name might ease that point by?

    Trouble, is, I already used the "Master" thing for the younger one - we can't know that he's named after his father, but his job is Loremaster... and everyone calls him Master [name] -- wonder why my poor main character didn't realise he was young and named after his father? :p

    Also, I can't mention the main character's father (like, at all) until after a certain point, for more plot reasons.

    Incidentally, the working title of this story is "The Ridiculously Complicated Quest of [MC's name]" :p
     
  6. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    no for me it makes him sound like an insufferable human being i'd want to slap upside the head.
     
  7. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    As Elg said, it's pretty condescending, but if he's supposed to be precocious in a stuck-up bratty way, it would fit with that.
     
  8. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh it's a comedy! I wouldn't worry too much. You can get away with murder.
    Frankly, I am officially confused.:)
     
  9. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    This is a reaction to knowing he's younger, as well as just the instinctive reaction of being called "young" by someone more important than you? Important distinction, there, or I wouldn't have made this thread. :p

    Edit: to Elg and Mallzaar. :p

    I know it's a comedy, but I still woooorry. :p I like my comedies to make sense so people know what they're meant to laugh at. :p
     
  10. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    I"d love to check it out if you want to send me a scene or a chapter. If you're interested, PM me. :)
     
  11. grim
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    grim New Member

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    If these guys are immortal, what's a five-year difference to them? Why would they even judge each other on the basis of age unless it's a difference of hundreds or thousands of years? Is there a power differential based on age? The best comedy is based on perceived truth (even for fantasy).
     
  12. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, the main character isn't immortal, and the younger guy (who's only 19) is also no immortal, per se - just probably going to live to five hundred if he doesn't get himself killed. :p There are turtles that possibly have lived that long. :p

    Anyway, they're not judging each other on age so much as the main character's father died when my MC was 3 years old and the other guy was 7 months or something. Obviously not the kind of age you'd make the sort of decisions that send a guy to his death. :p The MC assumes the guy is immortal, and because his father had the same name, that he was in power at the time the decision was made... You can guess how it goes from there.

    And also why it's important people believe that the Loremaster is younger than Teo when the truth comes out. :p
     
  13. w176
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    w176 Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would have him use "Young" sparing and only in context. That take the patronizing edge of it, and dont sneak up on the reader as much. More of a fair game.

    "Oh, I assume you are Young John Doe? I read your fathers works."

    "Let me introduce my employed. Young Lormaster John Doe, son of the late John Doe."
     
  14. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm lost!

    In this quote you say assume he's 50yrs old. Fine the older guy I assume is 55yrs then.

    Then in your last post(above) You say the younger guy is 19 so the older guy must be 24 taking it that there's 5yrs between them.

    Have I missed something?:confused:
     
  15. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    Sorry, that was "assumes" as in the MC assumes it, not "assume" as in, "you should assume it" ...I should stop typing how I speak. :p
     

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