I think that's the key for me. As long as his actions are displayed as less-than-noble (even if understandable), then the reader doesn't get the feeling that you or the story in general approve of Ludwig. As I said before, the issue for me isn't that Ludwig gets what he wants, it's that in your original description, you came across as portraying this as unequivocally happy and good.
If this makes it to shelves, you might be crucified. That said, I'd advise you to leave it just the way it is. Sometimes we have to suffer for our art.
I've seen more disturbing stories on the evening news, tales of psychos, murderers and cannibals, atrocities of terrorists committed upon civilians such as decapitations on utube vids....in contrast, your story seems rather mild.
Exactly what I was trying to say! I really don't see what's so horrific about writing this story. If she was living it? Well, yeah, definitely a problem, but writing it? No. Crucified if it gets published? I don't understand. I read every genre I can get my hands on and I have to say, this is nothing. She would not get crucified because people who read romances aren't going to touch it. The people who read it are going to be the people who are getting exactly what they want from it.
^^ You mean people who *don't* read romances aren't going to touch it. Good point, this is the case. Books like Lolita have been blasted, but then again, so has Harry Potter. Lolita has also been listed as a classic.
No, I meant people who read romances aren't going to touch it. I would think this would be more fantasy, thriller genre if anything. Not seeing very much romance. Maybe it's just me though.
An ending of that sort could do with a bit of dark irony to sharpen it up, one that adds a streak of humor perhaps. Perhaps something about the cursed girl that the pedophile doesn't know about -- something that will doom him. I know this is very vague, but you're the writer not me.
Yes it may be disturbing with an ending as dark as that. Will there be outrage? Meh maybe but probably not. There has I'm sure been darker written. What I like is all the potential you have with a twisted story like that to really bring it to new ground. The way it sounds now, I would read it, it intrigues me with what it could be.
Also, the thing with outrage is, if it gets published outrage = publicity. Not a bad thing. Generating interest is good, whether it's because people are disgusted by it or because they're in love with it as long as they talk about it, they'll buy it just to see what all the fuss is about. That certainly doesn't mean you should write stories for the shock value alone, but it can only be seen as a bonus if it's there and it's done well.
I gotta say, when I read the OP, I was very intrigued. It's dark, creepy and disquieting without going completely balls out on the reader: I like it. Your friend may be opposed, but I say keep it as is. It's treading rough waters, but it's clever, original, and I know I'd read it if it was published.
Yes it is creepy but I think it would be great as long as you didn't portray the ending as happy. You could have burnadette not want to marry Ludwig but eventually agree to it to save lilly. A tragic heroic sacrifice would make it a lot less creepy because Ludwig would still be portrayed as evil.
I think it sounds like a very interesting story and something I would read, as long as there is no fixation upon the sexual activity between the two. I like the idea put forward about Bernadette being evil, that would be a good twist. The fact that he is seeking out these innocent girls and ends up with one more twisted than himself.
Who is your IR(Ideal Reader)*? Why are you writing? If you are writing to make money, your target market may be limited. If your IR are pedophiles, or people who enjoy reading this type of "taboo" topic, then you're fine. In my opinion, most people will read this and stop when they get to this disturbing topic. And not buy any more of your books. ....but, then again, Law and Order - Special Victims Unit, is one of TV's most popular shows, and sex abuse/pedophilia, is the subject of every show. I couldn't write on this topic because of how disturbing it is, and wouldn't want to end up as a news story about my book that was part of a copy-cat crime carried out by a pedophile who used my book for material. I am reading the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind, and he can't go 100 pages without some sort of rape or abuse of women. The story is great, but after 5 books of this, I feel repulsed, and wanting to stop reading, but I go on because the story and characters are so compelling. It's your call though, you can write whatever you want. It's also not your story to begin with. Is this plagiarism? If not, then at least make the story yours. Perhaps you can change it and get rid of the pedophilia parts. Which might be tough since the story seems to be centered around that. *from Stephen King's On Writing
As creepy as it is, I think your story is a good idea. After all, who doesn't shudder at the thought of a man having a relationship with a little girl...and then killing her on top of that?! People tend not to like what we don't understand, and since we're horrified by the behavior of pedophiles because we can't fathom justifying such behavior, it's the perfect background for the "villain" of your story. Judging by other posts, some people obviously have very strong opinions on this matter. Imagine the passionate hatred your readers will feel when they actually read your story, not just the idea! THAT's how you know you've hit the jackpot. When you make your readers' blood boil, you're a damn good writer. The only problem I can see with this is what others have mentioned: good luck trying to convince a reader that Ludwig deserves a happy ending. If you're writing this to convey some abstract message, I say go with your original ending. If you're writing in hopes of selling your work, I say make him pay somehow.
I'd read it. Shock factor is intriguing, and it can be found in some form in any genre of book I've read. When I come across it, it's hard to read sometimes, but also, it keeps you reading on to see how things play out.
What if Bernadette is really some kind of vampire/demon disguised as a little girl who's come to trick Ludwig, then drag him under for his evil deeds?
Another Vampire book? Maybe throw Charlie Sheen into the mix too, silly bracelets, and stories of a young wizard battling evil.
