Trouble dealing with criticism

You'll notice that 1 bad critique vs 100 positive ones will always stick in your mind. You'll always wonder about that 1 bad review and think about it. But it's a good thing. You'll always try to improve because of it.

 

Just never forget that those who criticize you, have taken some of their free time to read, and even criticize your story! Those who have constructively criticized your book, are just people that found some details on your story that could be improved.

Just think about it in this way, when you receive reviews, and try to be grateful for them. You´ll understand what I mean, if you try it

 

I would really recommend therapy. You described your perfectionism as "self-destructive", and unless you're over-dramatizing with your words, its obviously creating a huge problem in your life. Speaking from personal experience, its amazing what therapy with a licensed professional can do. You explain your problems to a completely unbiased third party, and with their perspective and education they shed light on things in a way that is very simple (like, "Why didn't I think of that?") but incredibly profound. You don't have to be in therapy for years and years either, you can just go one or two times and walk away with the tools you need. There's such a stigma attached to therapy but really, it is incredibly helpful.

 

Many people have delusions that they can sing and go on Pop Idol or another equivelent that peoples ability and their assesment of their ability is often way out. The same is true in all area's.

To be perfectionist is not such a terrible thing, I feel it is better to judge your work as slightly worse than it is than to think that it is better than it is. Perfectionism often seeks improvement and that is to be welcomed.

When recieving critisism you have to except that some of it will be wrong and just dismiss it as someone not understanding what you are trying to do. If a critisism appears more than once take it on board and try to assess if their is any merit to what is being said.

Everyone is different, some people will love you and some people will hate you. Perfection in writing is simply not possible because everyones idea of perfection is different.

When you talk to someone you are getting constant feedback from them. When writing you get no feedback so its hard to know if what you are writing is interesting of drivel. It seems a shame that you wrote so much and nobody has seen it, the feedback might have taught you what your strengths and weeknesses are. That seems something that might appeal to a perfectionist. I found it hard but have given the book I just wrote to several people even though it contains some very personal stuff, I will have to brace myself for the feedback but it might tell me that I need to develope something or edit something else, it could prove useful.

Critisism is a necessary evil.

 

I'd call this "high standards", not perfectionism. High standards allow for flaws, because seeing and analyzing those flaws teaches you to do a better job next time. Perfectionism tends to cause substantial fear when the sufferer is faced with _any_ possibility of a flaw, and it devalues the entire effort when a flaw is found.

So High Standards might complete a ten-page piece in a week (or a month), edit it for another week (or month), and say at the end, "I think that my dialogue is much more realistic in this one. But in my next piece, I should pay more attention to varying the speaking styles of each character. Maybe I can do some research on dialects."

For the same piece, Perfectionism writes the first six lines and says, "John and Jane talk like they're the same person. This piece is complete trash. Why do I bother?" Then Perfectionism deletes the file and gives up for two months.

I do realize that this is just a matter of definition, but when I use the word "perfectionism", I'm talking about this kind of crippling rejection of any possibility of error or flaw. So that's why, to me, perfectionism is always a bad thing.

ChickenFreak

 

Well, I don't think your definition even comes close to what perfectionism really is. Her type of perfectionism IS a terrible thing because she can't deal with ANY negative criticism. Its so bad that she got some on this forum and left, and it took her 2 years to return. So even if she skips getting critiqued here (or anywhere) and submits her work to a publisher, when she gets her first "thank you but no thank you" letter, who knows how many years it will take for her to submit it elsewhere, or maybe to even think about writing again. You seem to be saying "just work with it!" but obviously its to a level where she can't do that.

 

I feel your pain. I was very much the same way when I started writing.
You just have to remind yourself that nobody is born a writer. It's something you have to work on, and even the literary greats made mistakes to begin with. Just try not to take the critique personally.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is that even though writing is an intensely personal art, a critique of your writing is not a critique of you. It's hard to separate the two sometimes, but by and large those of us here on the site know nothing about one another. You should never take a writing critique personally. I don't know how to explain how you get to that point, but if you can keep that separation in your mind you'll find that critiques of your writing will no longer hurt your feelings.

 

It depends on what kind of critique I receive. I don't mind minor criticisms about rewording certain sentences or adding or excising a bit more detail*, but it's a major blow to my ego when I'm told I have to rewrite a large hunk of writing all over again. It's basically telling me that I'm not good at my craft, and as someone whose self esteem is pretty low, I have a strong desire to be considered good at something for once.

* Well, most of the time. Occasionally I'm reluctant to cut out certain descriptions if I feel they convey the setting and characters very well.

 

I'm a little thin-skinned, too, but I'm improving. I used to think that if my work warranted ANY criticism, that must have meant I wasn't a very good writer. Now I realize that no one's first (or second or third or fourth) drafts are perfect, everyone needs a bit of help here and there (it's impossible to identify ALL of your own mistakes because you're too close to your own work), and not every reader is going to like the same piece of writing.

 

Actually even published writing is never perfect. There's always something that's been missed. The more you edit your own work the more those things will stick out to you. I used to never notice things like that, now I can't get through a book without noticing typos, wrong characters names (I can't BELIEVE how much this happens!), etc. I also can't believe how many authors and editors miss them. I end up reading through things 2-3 times to make sure I'm not the crazy one (I can never be sure ). The moral is, NO ONE is perfect, so take it easy on yourself.

(And then I let someone read something of mine and realize I did it too It happens to everyone...)

 

I never liked, and still don't, sharing my writing with others but trust me, it really is worth it. The constructive criticism really helps to improve your writing. You've got to remember that they're not critiquing you, they're critiquing your writing, so don't take any comments personally. Also, obviously not everyone is going to like your writing so you've got to be prepared for that. And no writing is ever perfect.

 

I imagine you got better at writing by doing more of it. Get better at receiving criticism by receiving more of it. Make sure they giving it to you constructively and that you are always focusing on how that criticism will help you improve.

 

Published work is marketable; the prose isn't necessarily good... just readable.

I'm getting pretty good at criticising my own work. The few people that read it only ever give me rave reviews about how amazing I am, so I've conditioned myself to think like my one friend who does see the flaws and doesn't afraid of anything isn't afraid to tell me about them.

 

Hi Misty,

My advice would be to try and seperate the work from yourself. Make it so that the criticism is a criticism of the work and not you. In part that's an internal thing which you'll have to find a way to do personally. But equally you can help it externally by using a couple of tricks. The first, and I'm assuming that your name isn't Misty, is post your excerpts under another pseudonym, one that doesn't mean much to you. It'll make it easier when someone comes back and say's Scarface, your book sucks. (And lets face it, somebody is bound to - I'd say it to Stephen Donaldson about his entire Gap series.)

Next, to quote the great philosopher Billy Joel - You learn more from your accidents then anything you could learn at school. You need to realise that if you are to publish and be successful, the negative reviews are worth far more then the 'loved it' ones. If everyone's polite and says its great, then how can you improve? So when you post something for a review, expect it to be harsh in some measures, and in fact, ask for it.

Lastly, as with any phobia, face it. I'm scared of heights, but I face it when I have to. The alternative is to let my fear rule me. Its the same for writing. If you let your fear win you will never become the writer you want to be.

If you don't think you can face your fear, then you're letting it win. And if that's the case and you really want to write professionally, I'd suggest counselling - but only you can make that decision.

Hope that helps, and don't worry about the word perfectionist. That's just a term we slobs use to denigrate you obsessive compulsives!

Cheers.

 

You could always try easing into too, perhaps. Send whatever writing you would like opinion on to one or two people whose opinion you respect. Send it in private and see how you feel when you receive their opinions that way. This way it's not in front of the entire internet community. If you decide you can deal with that, maybe send the next piece to a larger group. Then take the plunge and post on the forums

On the flip side, posting on the forums feels less personal to me than having a private critique from just one or two, so maybe that would even be more difficult! I'm not sure myself, I haven't even posted any writing yet!

My prediction when I first receive criticism on something I've written is that I'll likely assume everyone is wrong and my writing is perfect haha. But I know that's not true and I'll probably have to force myself to accept it when I don't hear all positive reviews about my work. At the end of the day everyone has their own tastes too, and you should remember that when you read their opinions.

 

Read the critiques people give you, then leave the forums alone for a while.
Then come back to it after your irritation has subsided and try to see how someone decided to critique you. From a new perspective, you can see how you can improve.

I struggled with this too. Just clench your teeth and push through it.

 

Think of it this way: Do you, or do you not want to get published?

If you can't stand criticism, you will frankly, NEVER get published.

Yes, never. NEVER EVER EVER in your entire life. No one will ever read your work - I mean, you haven't let them, after all - no one will ever know. No one will even miss your work, because well, it never existed, right?

That's what I tell myself. You see, that's why so many writers never get published. How do you wanna do that if no one ever reads it? Defeats the whole point of writing it in the first place! (unless of course, it's just a fun past time and you're not bothered about getting published at all)

I vowed I'll never become one of those writers. Early on I told myself, "I MUST take criticism." It doesn't make it any easier to accept, of course, but I force myself. I tell myself, "There's a reason why this person saw this in it." And I take it and I try again. And again. And again.

You see, it doesn't matter what people say, as long as you don't give up. If you don't give up, critique can only do you GOOD. Now why wouldn't I want that?

I did have one writing mentor once who tore my writing to such shreds that I nearly gave up. But then I realised - maybe everything this person said was true. Maybe. But if their critique is not helping me, then I won't listen to it. You gotta be careful - sometimes a person can be less sensitive than they should be and really hurt you. Doesn't mean they're wrong, but it means perhaps you should find someone else who would critique you but ALSO encourage you, rather than just bash all your dreams down. So I left that mentor. Later I realised my mentor was trying to change even my style of writing (some uses of verbs and adjectives that were a bit quirky).

But the truth is, it's harder to find someone who'd be willing to critique you. In the end, I personally hired an editor who liked my work and would be willing to help. My point is, don't take critique for granted - it seems like you dread it but really, it's probably the most difficult but essential piece of help any writer can hope for.

Take every piece of critique as a piece of gem - as long as you don't let it destroy you, it can only help.

 

Well I had a problem with this too for a while. It would just absolutly crush me whenever someone disliked my work. And being in two creative writing classes, and an advanced litterature course (in school) I find myself having to share my work, without a choice. Yeah sure I could drop the classes and leave it alone, but that would be giving up on writing. Writing to me is like eating, breathing, and sleeping. Natrual. So giving up on improving my skills would be the wrong route to take. I say improving instead of perfecting because, can a writer ever honestly be perfect?

My point here is you say you are a 'perfectionist' meaning everything has to be perfect, right? Well that's the joy of writing. It will never be perfect. And we can always go back and change, change, change. But eventually we have to stop ourselves and ask, "Okay will this capture someone's attention? Will this be a boring read? Or is this good?" If you can honestly tell yourself it's good then just leave it alone! I have learned that the hard way... taking over five hours to write a five sentence paragraph.

Again my other point; look at critisisim in a good way. Take what people tell you in stride. When somone tells you your plot line is confusing and unbelievable, ask them what you could change to make it better. Learn from the downfall not hurt from it. If we let critisisim get to us we will never move forward in writing. Ecspecially if you plan to get published. Not everyone will like your work no matter what. And that just has to do with how certian people relate to life and such. I have to tell myself these things all the time. Because even my closest friend's and family and have put down some of my work every now and then. And yes it hurts but instead of letting it get to me I remind myself they are trying to help me, and incouraging me to improve.

Hope this helps

~Rea

 

And above all, when it comes to critiques, don't argue with people who have taken the time to critique your work. It just makes you look like an asshat. If you disagree with something, tell the reviewer thank you (they did spend time on your work after all) and then move on.

 

Hi,

And having just had some horrid person publically attack my lead novel in the most unfair fashion (he basically said he'd read four pages and it was absolutely unreadible - it was so nice of him to then go online and recommend no one buy it!), remember that not all criticisms are either fair or constructive. You have to have faith in your own work.

Cheers.

 

Defintely. Some people will attack under the guise of being 'constructive'. Some will also be jealous, sad to say.

The person who read my ms was very honest, both in her generous compliments and in things that needed improvement. When she read it for the first time last year, a couple of her comments gave me that proverbial kick up the ass. When someone describes certain scenes or sentences as boring or faintly ludicrous, you know you've got your work cut out for you. Result? I have worked as hard as I ever have in my life to fix these things, and her second review left me with a distinct case of blushed cheeks.

So what I've learned is to look at criticism on a case-by-case basis, and try to use it to get better.

 

I once had a critique from someone who apparently created an account specifically to take a shot at me. Probably someone trying to "get even" for some mod action taken.

This person made a handful of posts and disappeared. But one of them was a really acerbic critique of one of my stories.

I could have simply dismissed it as obvious hostility. Instead, I took each point to see what I could get out of it. Mostly it was a repetition of points made by others, but there were a couple new thoughts worth serious consideration.

When someone is trying that hard to open a wound, they may find things everyone else has missed.

So who had the last laugh?

 

Hi,

Maybe its the same guy! I'm proud to be his first and only review even if I have no idea who he is, where he lives, what he looks like or anything else. It seems to me like a hit and run attack. And its hard to find something constructive when this post is longer then his entire review. But its all part of being a writer I suppose.

Cheers.

 

Negative reviews are the only ones that have really ever done me much good