1. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    Troubled description

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by CGB, Oct 2, 2016.

    Here is my horri-bad drawing of the room along with 333rd attempt at describing it. Any suggestions for improvement?
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    The Council Chamber at Vanguard was high-ceilinged and cramped. A half-circular table stood some sixty-feet above the ground. The front of the table formed a steep decline extending almost to the wooden double doors of the medieval room. At the foot of the decline stood a metal bench big enough for one unnaturally large man. The setup was such that the accused were made to feel as though the nine occupants atop the dais were strangling them of breathing space.

    Cannon sat chained on the bench, a pair of heavily-armed Justicairs on either side of him. The High Commandants hovered over him, their hooded forms silhouetted against the lamplight. Eight long shadows cast down the slope at him like spearheads.

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    upload_2016-10-2_1-49-26.png starser
     
  2. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    (stars represent places where the judges sit btw).
     
  3. Francis de Aguilar
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    Francis de Aguilar Active Member

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    Few ideas.
     
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  4. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    Is there a difference between "half-circular" and "semi-circular" table? Semi- is the more usual, I think.

    And, honestly, I'm not really getting the layout. Like, the front of the table itself slopes down to the ground? And if the table is sixty feet in the air, what are the judges or whomever sitting on? How did they get to their seats?

    I'm not sure if it's the description or the actual layout that I'm having trouble with, but I definitely don't have a picture of this.

    (Based on your drawing, I'd say it might be more accurate to say the ends of the table sloped down? But I'm still not sure what the purpose of that slope would be...)
     
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  5. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    Its a needless piece of architecture that juts out from the literal front of the table in a right triangle and takes up an enormous amount of space. Think of a loading ramp for a truck, but much bigger and longer. It ends where the prisoner sits.
     
  6. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    Significant improvement, thanks a lot for the ideas.

    I wonder if my shadow imagery was understood though? (last sentence)
     
  7. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I too am unclear on how the table got up there and where any chairs are. Is there a platform? Is the table suspended from ropes or chains? Magic?
     
  8. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    no, its just a very high table with a ramp running down the front. There are stairs in the back (behind the table) and thats how the judges get to their seats.
     
  9. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    The fact that there are seats sound like there's a floor up near the table, and therefore it's a platform?
     
  10. CGB
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    CGB Active Member

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    yes
     
  11. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    It would probably be clearer to say that. I was imagining a table with sixty-foot legs, and that didn't work.
     
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  12. Francis de Aguilar
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    Francis de Aguilar Active Member

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    Your welcome. I understood it, maybe you could be more specific about the 'lamplight'

    silhouetted against the lamplight against the light from lamps mounted high on the wall behind them, casting eight long shadows cast down the slope that converged on him like spearheads.

    You could call the table a dais. Half circular works for me although I agree semi is more usual. It would, in my opinion, be clearer if you had the floor sloping, not the table/dais

    The floor from the front of the dais sloped down....
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2016
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  13. Johncrawfordz
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    Johncrawfordz Member

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    The Council Chamber at Vanguard was high-ceilinged and tall but cramped. A The half semi-circular table was high stood, some sixty-feet above the ground. The blunt edges front of the table formed a steep decline extending almost down towards to the wooden double doors of the medieval room. At the foot of the decline stood a metal bench big enough for one unnaturally large man. The setup was such that the accused were made to feel as though the nine occupants atop the dais were suffocating strangling them of breathing space.

    Cannon sat chained on to the bench, a pair of heavily-armed Justicairs on either side of him. The High Commandants hovered towered over him, their hooded forms silhouetted dark against the lamplight. Eight long shadows cast down the slope at him like spearheads.



    My take on this. Hope this helps.
     

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