1. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    True Love

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Leaka, Jun 14, 2009.

    I was wondering a bit.
    If you truly love somebody.
    Are you suppose to love every aspect of them?
    Is true love strictly based on just love, or is true love a mix of love and hate as well?
    I mean if you always love each other and love every aspect of each other, then there wouldn't be any room for improvement, right?
    Isn't a healthy relationship one where you can hate some bits of each other and argue over bits so you can improve?
    Would just loving each other and being perfect in a relationship where no one had any flaws, be weird?
     
  2. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    If that was the case, then I don't think we could ever truly love someone. I think it is possible to love someone and yet find things about them that you don't particularly like at all. DOesn't make you love them any less though.

    I don't think that there could be a mix of love and hate because hate <not that I believe in the word hate, just negative feelings> is a bad feeling towards something or someone, and I don't think that you could have those sort of strong negative feelings towards someone that you love. Maybe be upset or angered with them at some point, because we all do things to upset one another at some stage in life, but I don't think you could have those feelings for someone all the time and still love them... though we all have different thoughts..

    There is always room to improve if you ask me.
    I love everything about Dan, he isn't perfect and does things that annoy me at times, but I do still love everything about him.

    I wouldn't say that exactly... not argue or hate. Maybe there are some things that you might not be so happy with about your partner, but instead of arguing about it, speak to them rationally about it, a conversation rather than an arguement. YOu shouldn't need to argue with your partner to express your feelings on any matter, they should be willing enough to listen and converse with you over it. Arguements aren't really all that necessary if you can communicate with your partner over issues that you feel need discussing.

    Yes, because flaws are what make us who we are and no matter what, we all have flaws. Perfection simply does not, and can not exist.

    :)
     
  3. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    Nice answers Torana.
    It was really late last night so I couldn't think of a word other then hate.
     
  4. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't know if being in love with someone means that you have to love every tiny piece of who they are. I think maybe it means that you love them so much that even though there are things about them that you aren't crazy about, you're able to look past those small things and get along with them and be with them anyway.

    I think a healthy relationship is one where you can not only look past certain things that may get under your skin, but also you feel comfortable talking to your partner about the things that maybe you can't look past. You have to be able to communicate and work together to make things work.
     
  5. RomanticRose
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    RomanticRose Active Member

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    I think it's about balances. My husband is my best friend, my partner in crime, my first reader and the only person on the planet I would die to save. That being said, for all his wonderfulness, there are some things about him (the man brings new meaning to the word 'slob') that make me want to pinch his head off.

    Edited to add: I'm sure there are things about me that make him feel the same way.

    But for every one thing that irritates the very core of my (ridiculously OCD) soul, there are ten things that make me feel like a very lucky woman to have found him. So if he never develops neater habits in the bathroom and I have to constantly go behind him and re-alphabetize my bookshelves, I'll deal with it. Pretty small price to pay.
     
  6. Gallowglass
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    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

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    That's not love, that's fanaticism. I have a clan, that shall go unnamed unless I give other clan members out there a conscience, but I'd accept that historically we've been self-centered backstabbing (insert expletive here). There's still love for it. If I loved every aspect, though, I'd also be a self-centered backstabbing (insert expletive here). That would mean that myself and the clan were alike in personality...which would lead to conflict and no need to compromise. That would ruin a relationship.

    Now I'm confused ;)
     
  7. Ashleigh
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    Ashleigh Contributing Member Contributor

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    I dont think it's about loving every aspect of them, it's about accepting their faults and loving them anyway.
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    total twaddle!... that would keep anyone from loving anyone, since you'd never find someone who didn't have at least one little thing you couldn't 'love'...

    the only 'true' love is between a mother and child... what you're referring to as that is really just lust, all fancied up with romantic gluck that society tosses in to make the silly things people do seem ok...

    why should 'improvement' be a desired or necessary aspect of loving another?...

    that's utter nonsense, imo... how can any 'hate' or arguing be a good thing?...

    it might be weird, since it's probably not possible, but why do you seem to think it wouldn't be something good to experience?...

    here's my take on the subject: http://saysmom.com/maia/content.asp?Writing=77
     
  9. Vapor
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    Vapor Member

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    You are certainly blunt in your opinions. I agree with a lot of it but other things seemed like too much of a leap. In your view, what sort of role is an adult male supposed to have, if love only exists between mother and child? Is his purpose merely to breed and go die? Also what about childless women, kids without parents... does love exclude this large portion of humanity?

    To the original post, other people already said better what my answer would be. It's impossible to like everything about a person, but you can still love them.
     
  10. Henry The Purple
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    Henry The Purple Active Member

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    True love is unconditional. That sounds about as cheesy as something you would find on an Oprah pillow cover, but it still holds true...;)

    And yes, love isn't limited to all that harley quinn trash. Love of self seems to be forgotten a lot of the time, but it's probably the most important...
     
  11. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I respectfully disagree.

    A lot of people believe that there's no such thing as just staying where you are. If you're not improving, then you're doing the opposite. So for that kind of person, constantly working to improve their relationship would be what helped keep it successful.
     
  12. Hsnodgrass
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    Hsnodgrass Senior Member

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    You will know true love when you volunteer to plunge a toilet for three hours, dry-heaving and gagging, after your mate clogs it. As my dad says, true love has no sense of smell. :D
     
  13. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Haha so true.
     
  14. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    Oh that is nice to know.
     
  15. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    The people who drive me the most crazy, who can irritate the hell outta me, you frustrate me beyond belief are all the people I love the most. I can give you a huge litany of things my husband does and doesn't do that drive me up the wall. But I love him dearly. Not only that, I am in love with him. I never saw him as perfect. I saw faults from the start, but that just made him human. That meant I was never so distracted by infatuation, that I didn't see the real him. If you "love" some one to the point where you see no faults, you are in for a rude wake up call someday.
     
  16. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ...sperm donor?...

    ...well, that's the only purpose of many species' males, such as with whales and elephants, the two most powerful creatures on the planet, so why should humans be any different?...

    ...of course not, but the question dealt only with 'true love' which i likened to only what exists between a mother and child, as opposed to the lust-laden version of 'romantic' love, or the platonic kind, as for all mankind/animalkind...
     
  17. Vapor
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    Vapor Member

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    Wow your hatred for the male sex is quite pronounced. It makes me wonder what's happened in your life to shape such views but I won't pry. If you see so little value in half of the human population then I guess it is your loss. I don't think people would be as tolerant if it were a male saying women are for sexual gratification and can be discarded after they outlive their use.
     
  18. Henry The Purple
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    Henry The Purple Active Member

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    Love is a universal force that is beyond definition imo. It can't be explained through intellectual means...no matter how intelligent you are, the mind is truly weaker than the spirit.
     
  19. Carmina
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    Carmina Contributing Member Contributor

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    Even love of a parent for a child is not love without accepting the things you don't like about the person. You may instantly experience love and bonding and all that, but as your baby becomes a person...they develop faults and flaws. You love them, but you know they aren't perfect.
     
  20. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Perfection = boredom

    I would be desperate with boredom and looking from some off sides action after the initial glow wore off of my perfect Disney Prince. Blech.

    My William's imperfections get on my nerves, but at the same time they are what endear him to me.
     
  21. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    Did you know that we dont even 'need' sperm anymore? Apparently, the first unfertilized egg had the potential to become a baby (relatively) recently. Granted, it was test tube style. Kinda cool, if creepy.

    I have to echo Wrey here. Perfection means there are no problems, and if there are no problems, you are likely not challenging each other, and if you are not challenging each other, you are likely not growing as people and learning. The side effects, like annoying quirks --or even dramatic disagreements, I feel, are worth the love you feel as you grow together.

    Also, I'd like to note that love is infinite and cannot just be limited to one other person. To me, it is just an emotion that I keep making and will spread to everyone possible. Doesnt have to be limited to romantic love (no, I am quite monogamous ;) ). I love people because they are an amazing combination of the art of movement, sound, and colour... :love:

    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
    -Jimi Hendrix
     
  22. KP Williams
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    KP Williams Contributing Member

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    And that last sentence is a fact that never fails to set me off. It's a lethal dose of pure, refined hypocrisy. At least, I wish it were lethal so I wouldn't have to put up with BS like that anymore. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

    Yes, hypocrisy does displease me somewhat. :rolleyes:
     
  23. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Having seen the way my brother and his wife interact with their son, I don't think that her love for him is in any way stronger/more pure/better in any way than his. Just because the woman is the one who carries the baby doesn't mean it isn't possible for a father to love a child every bit as much as a mother.

    I think it's possible to be in true love with someone without it being "lust-laden" romantic love. A man and a woman can love each other without it just being based on sexual attraction.
     
  24. Azhigher
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    Azhigher Senior Member

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    You sure about that...? :confused:
     
  25. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm positive.
     

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