Tags:
  1. mercy
    Offline

    mercy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    American currently living abroad

    Ugggggggggg Help

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by mercy, Dec 31, 2007.

    Hey Guys,

    I have to be honest. I haven't really written anything (a paragraph here and there), but what I have seems pretty crappy. If I am honest with myself, I wouldn't continue to read anything I have started writing. I just keep studying English in hopes that it will all come together one day. Do you know of anything that can help. Any advice on forming interesting and complex sentences. I will give you an example of what I am talking about... The red part is out for sure, and "he" doesn't have a name as of yet, that is if I even bother to continue this.

    He was lying in the middle of an open field absorbing the warm rays of sunshine that fell upon him, and watching the clouds float lazily across the sky. The birds chattered happily in the distance, as they tidied their nests and picked at the wild strawberries that sprouted up along the edges of the field, filling the air with a deliciously sweet smell. He took a deep soothing breath, held it momentarily, and then released it slowly. He was stretching his arms out over the cool grass when his hand came across something moist and sticky.

    He jerked his hand back, and rolled onto his side to investigate. A fat worm was sticking out of the ground, the top of its body wiggling vigorously back and forth. He looked closer. He couldn't remember seeing a worm that large in his whole life. It was almost unnaturally large. He grabbed a little stick that was lying next to him, and started digging at the soft earth around the worm. He dug for five minutes without coming to the other end of the squirming creature. He continued plowing through the dirt until his stick hit something hard. He hesitated - afraid of what he might uncover, but a strange curiosity took over. Something inside of him needed to know what it was; something inside of him already knew.

    He dropped the stick and pushed the dirt away with both hands confirming his deepest fear.
     
  2. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Actually, this is quite good. If I were to suggest something though, don't think a sentence must be complicated to be interesting. Simplify! If a sentence contains more than two or three clauses, it probably is too long. Of course there are exceptions, but they should be relatively rare.

    I'm moving this to General Writing under Writing Issues.
     
  3. mercy
    Offline

    mercy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    American currently living abroad
    ps My problem is in story writing mainly. Essays are easy enough, facts and grammar. Creating believable characters; interesting plots; dialogs; and interesting and creative paragraphs; is tough. It seems so overwhelming.
     
  4. Klee
    Offline

    Klee Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2007
    Messages:
    573
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Mexico, you got a problem with that?
    I agree with Cogito, this is good. I also agree that you don't need complex sentences, it makes it hard to read and understand, and in my case, more prone to making grammar mistakes.

    Just write what you feel like writing, whether it's good or not can come later, after editing. Think about what you would like to write about, maybe an interesting character, or a plot that you like. I think that as long as you mean what your write you can't go wrong.
     
  5. wordwizard
    Offline

    wordwizard Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    1,316
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Vancouver Island
    Well you certainly held my interest. I agre with what Cogito says. Don't shove to much in one sentence. Just pick out the important parts that you feel would connect with the reader. I hope to read more, and find out what this worm really was ;)
    cheers
    ww
     
  6. mercy
    Offline

    mercy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    American currently living abroad
    Thanks guys. I really wasn't expecting that.

    I suppose I will work on it more, and then I can post it in the review room, for an actual critique, and get some more specific feedback.
     
  7. B-Gas
    Offline

    B-Gas Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2007
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    14
    I think what we have here is a simple, easily remedied case of Writer's Block. Just keep writing- or change over to a new, throwaway story until you get your mojo back. It happens to all of us, on a long enough timeline. What you've got is good, and if you just keep working at it, more will come in time.
     
  8. mercy
    Offline

    mercy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    American currently living abroad
    thanks b-gas

    I thought I was the only one. I start writing something and then want to toss it after a few paragraphs. I have them saved in a file.

    I am so new at this, just knowing that I'm not alone really helps.
     
  9. Zetta
    Offline

    Zetta Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NC, USA
    Everybody else said it--this is pretty good. You've got a better grasp over the English language than most Americans I know. The part you have in red is a little run-on-ish, but you can easily remedy that with a little rewrite. Just find what's wrong with the sentence--why it seems weird--and fix it. If all else fails, use simple sentences, or pretend the sentence is a fact you're trying to convey in an essay and write it that way.

    I think you're just a little conscientious. You're letting your inner editor look at what you do and tell you it's crap, and you're believing it. Get rid of the editor for a while. It'll do wonders for writer's block.

    And like everybody else, you've got me hooked on the worm story. I hope you'll post it later so I can read it. I wonder what he was fearing... :)
     

Share This Page