1. Nicoel
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    Nicoel Contributing Member

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    Validation from others?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Nicoel, Jun 12, 2015.

    I really don't know where to put this. At first I started to put it in General Writing.. but that doesn't quite fit.

    Do you have anyone that reads some of what you write, to give you positive feedback? Like, someone who supports your writing (or anything you do, really) and says every once in a while, "Hey! That's not bad." ?

    Or do you just sit in a hole and do it by yourself; completely comforted by the fact that you like what you're doing? I'm just curious because my friend loves to sing, and she has over 2000 followers on Instagram, and whenever she posts videos of herself singing, she gets a whole slew of comments of people telling her how amazing she is. This seems to be the norm for her - and it's just odd to me. I don't know. Thoughts?
     
  2. Aaron DC
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    Aaron DC Contributing Member

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    Definitely have someone to discuss ideas with. I find when everything is bottled up it restricts the ongoing creative process. Emailing myself helps, but problem solving and idea communication happen with a real person for me. It helps to let the idea go a little, and when they do a +1 on it, helps again to let it go and potentially grow with someone else's input.

    Fawning adoration, on the other hand, would make me feel uncomfortable, and seriously considering ongoing communication with that person.

    I think the first thing you described (positive feedback) is different to the second thing you described (fans).
     
  3. The Mad Regent
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    The Mad Regent Contributing Member

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    I show my work to my mum. Not all of it, of course, but she's been an avid reader most of her life, so she can usually give me the nod or the shake.

    The whole reason why I joined this forum is to get some feedback on my work, though, but I haven't got round to posting anything of substance yet. I'm hoping to post something by Sunday, and who knows what kind of feedback I'll get. Probably get slaughtered, but that's all part of the learning curve.

    I mostly write for the enjoyment of it; the whole learning process is quite enlightening, but I'd like to make something of it after all the hard work. I think if you're looking for validation from others then you should really just start a blog or something similar to host your writing. That way your writing is on display for enjoyment, not criticism, and people will just give you the thumbs up if they like your work.
     
  4. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    My husband validates my work. People on Facebook tell me to start a blog, write a book, etc. based on statuses I post, but I don't think that really counts.

    My problem is that I don't believe these people. Lol.
     
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  5. Nicoel
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    Nicoel Contributing Member

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    I think what I'm trying to say is, do you need validation to have confidence in yourself to write (or whatever it is you enjoy doing)?
     
  6. DeathandGrim
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    DeathandGrim Contributing Member

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    I like being told I'm good. It honestly strokes my ego. But I like criticism and am always looking for it. Sometimes I'll say something I'm doing is good but I'm not the minds of people elsewhere. I like more than just my opinion
     
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  7. edamame
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    edamame Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think a mix is good. There are times when I like my own writing and don't feel like sharing or don't want to show people my work because I'm feeling vulnerable. I've had friends who told me they didn't think my work was special and perfect strangers tell me online that they liked a poem I shared. It's a great ego boost when someone likes your work, but if you're feeling very vulnerable, you may not want to open yourself to negative criticism. You never know which one you're going to get.
     
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  8. The Mad Regent
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    The Mad Regent Contributing Member

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    I'd have to say, no.

    Getting positive feedback definitely boosts ones confidence to write more, but if you do it for enjoyment then it doesn't matter. As long as your mechanical aspects of writing are reasonable, then there are no rules. Some people will like your work, some wont.
     
  9. No-Name Slob
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    I don't need it as a condition to writing, but I do need it in general.

    Some people need to see things come together to feel confident, others need monetary reward, some need a hug ...

    I need to hear "you're a good (mom, wife, employee, friend, writer, etc.) and here is why:"
     
  10. The Mad Regent
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    The Mad Regent Contributing Member

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    There is a Bruce Lee quote that I kind of live by. I think it's a great mental state adopt, and it keeps me encouraged to keep driving forward with something even if I get bad criticism.

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. Aaron DC
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    Aaron DC Contributing Member

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    Me personally, no. I know I am good at X without anyone telling me, and am confident in doing X.

    In fact. People who know nothing about X telling me I am good at X set my spidey senses tingling. I tend to distrust compliments unless I already respect the complimenter or their knowledge / experience with X. This is different to someone saying, "I like your X". I guess I perceive one as subjective - opinion or taste - and one as objective.

    X is a set of things, but programming is one of them.
     
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  12. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Yes, I agree with this. Let me clarify: I don't need compliments from strangers, but I do need verbal validation from others whose opinions I respect.
     
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  13. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    I'd be really disappointed in myself and my writing if I ever needed someone to give me false positive feedback in order to boost my confidence. Unless I genuinely earn praise I don't want it.
     
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  14. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    What does validation mean? Sometimes you're going to strike out. And part of confidence is accepting that and moving on. You use your failures to improve. That's confidence.

    However, being good at something does mean at some point receiving some sort of recognition. It doesn't have to be daily, but if you've been working on a skill for years, and never receive recognition for it, it's time to start rethinking what you're doing.

    Easy compliments don't count. For instance, receiving encouraging comments in your FB wall likely means little to nothing. These people already know you and it costs them nothing to like your thing. Recognition counts when it's from strangers and or adversaries.
     
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  15. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Every two weeks, writers' critique group. They are harsh, but have let me know, I'm getting there.

    And when I'm finally happy with a chapter I share it with my son who has been genuinely enthusiastic about it. I know my son and I know the difference between patronizing and enthusiastic. And his suggestions are always right on, as in he likes it and has appropriate critique to add.

    It's only when I read an author I would love to be as good as that I see how far I still need to go.
     
  16. No-Name Slob
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    Exactly. That's partly why I'm here -- unbiased confirmation that I'm either on to something, or that I shouldn't quit my day job. ;)
     
  17. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    You probably shouldn't quit your day job until your published work takes off. But keep that goal in the back of your mind at all times. ;)
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2015
  18. No-Name Slob
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    Shit! I already put in my two-weeks' notice.
     
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  19. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Gawd why cannot I not type the r on your? :rolleyes:
     
  20. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    As my English Professors were quick to point out, in the current market even successful and respected Authors still shouldn't quit their day job. ;)
     
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  21. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    For me, writing is meant to be about communication, so the only way to tell if I'm doing it well is to have other people read it. If I just wanted to make up stories for myself, I wouldn't go to the trouble of writing them down, trying to express myself clearly, etc. - there's no need, since I already know what I'm trying to say!

    So, yes, for me, part of writing is having other people read my work. That's how I can tell if I'm doing what I set out to do.
     
  22. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have a daughter who loves to perform, and have the adoration of the audience (like your friend).
    I have a wife who is just the opposite. And who NEVER reads anything I've written because it would NEVER be good enough!

    So, no validation for me, just a lonely midnight furrow...

    Hell, yeah!
     
  23. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I think it just depends. It's good to have encouragement every now and then, but if you constantly rely on validation from others to keep your creativity going then something has gone wrong. When you write, you have to find validation within yourself that your story is worth writing about.
     
  24. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If your friend is a great singer and loved by strangers, whether or not she posts her videos for an ego stroke or validation doesn't really matter 'cause she's giving her fans a chance to enjoy her vocal abilities. Unless she sings in a bikini/topless -- then it might be safe to say some have tuned in just for the bewbs.

    I think with writing, it might be a bit more difficult to get such insta-fandom. Reading takes brain-effort. Watching a video takes eye-effort and occasional ear-effort. So I'm hoping it's because of this I'm not getting validation from my FB friends and parents for my writing skills. Yeah, that must be it.
     
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  25. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    This is actually very true. I once heard a professor say that Pat Barker worked in a flowershop when she was publishing her Regeneration trilogy. I don't know if that's true, and looking at her wikipedia page gives no indication either way.

    I've noticed that whenever I've bought (and I'll frankly be blunt here) trashy pop shit their authors are working as teachers or journalists, or lawyers for some reason. These are authors whose books are clearly making some profit too, as reprints of their work are on ASDA shelves and Waterstones for some considerable time.
     

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