"Oh, shut up" is Valorie's own internal thought, her reaction to "Kevin". She doesn't speak it out loud, so it's not quoted.
Feels so wrong to read the word Kevin there! Ok the name the entity later is given is Vivian. You beat it out of me. lol. Mind sound weird but this demon-like creature was born inside Valorie and has never known anything other home. So technically she was born inside a woman. Does that make this the demon a girl? The shut up line still seems unneeded. I thought the "No" held a double meaning. Like it the audience may think it is obviously at the man trying to kill her but it is really more at her inner self.
I miss them all the time. My fingers type 'through' when my brain thinks 'threw' among other common errors. Our fingers are not following our conscious thought directly at all times. This can be demonstrated in the lab.
You make it clear using tags or in the narrative. At the end of the day, it's just two (or more) entities communicating.
A speech tag like "Valorie heard in her mind" or "A voice whispered inside Valorie mind"??? The trick is the spell checker doesn't catch it! lol
At the end of the day, inner dialogue/monologue differs from story to story. All of these declarations, it should be done this way or that way, fail to consider not all stories are the same. I say that I am using italics in my novel and people in this forum read, Ginger is telling everyone to use italics all the time. Yet I've consistently said we should consider all the options. The question is, what works best in this piece? The Editor's Blog has one of the most thorough discussions of thought monologue/dialogue I've seen. Not only does fiction editor Beth Hill discuss the use of inner thought itself (first half of the blog), she then goes into the pros and cons of italics, tags, and a combination of the two. Inner Dialogue—Writing Character Thoughts And though I have seen several recognized style guides that say to use quotations with thoughts, and I agree the argument makes sense that in this case we are talking about inner dialogue, not monologue, this editor says:
I thought you said I need to use quotes and a speech tag to identify that this is a third person on scene that wasn' previously mentioned?
It should be pointed out that right now, on this very thread, there is intense confusion about who is speaking, in the mind or without. Even the people who are trying to help with their dialogue tags are being both confused by you, @GuardianWynn, and each other. Just use the italics.
Sorry about the confusion. Anything I can do to help? Adding up suggestions it seemed people were leaning towards not using Italics?
No, that is not what I said: In the specific sentence you wrote: Or use the italics and still tell us the thought is a voice in the character's head. Such is the nature of communication.
Still not sure I get it. If this voice interrupts a scene with words and no speech tag is given wouldn't it confuse the reader?
I did. Not sure how this a personal style issue it sounded like only one way? You said it needs a tag because of the context of new party talking and a tag and italics would be redundant. Which part am I missing? lol
Dunno if this helps. But I have the book The Host by Stephenie Meyer(haven't read it though, watched the movie instead), and it's about a girl being a host to an alien. And she uses italics to show their internal conversation. Here's a sample:
Thanks for the advice but not sure works in my case. There it is easy to be an established theme. In my case it sort of happens randomly with flexing amounts of use. One scene she may have a full conversation with it. Another day only one sentence. The trick is with hat flexing use how not to confuse a reader?
When did I mention, "a new party talking"? I think you are blurring replies and questions here. I think I see now what @Jack Asher is talking about. How about starting over and cleaning up your examples and questions. From your OP: Regardless of the fact the voices are sometimes more, sometimes less talkative, once you establish the voice (aka the person in the character's head) the reader should recognize it like any other character's voice. Generally, tags are needed on a fairly regular basis during dialogue to keep the reader straight about who is speaking. If you have a person who hears voices in their head, those same tags are needed just as often so the reader knows who is thinking (speaking), the character or the disembodied voice in her head. You need to decide what convention you are going to use and apply it consistently throughout the story. There is no one right way. It's up to you to read the pros and cons of your options and make the decision.
Third party is referring to how if she is talking on a standard basis it would be with someone and as such this inner-voice would be a third party. There again! You saying that this type of thought does require speech tags? lol. I can't think of it as a disembodied voice in her head. In a sense they share a body. lol. Sorry for my ignorance.
I think we are cross talking here, and one of my posts (redundant italics comment) wasn't exactly right. I was referring to the example you posted, but it looked like I was speaking in general terms. At some point you need to make it clear to the reader who is talking. At some point you have to decide how you are going to do that and remain consistent. Usually that would be done with tags. But tags can be left off when some other indication in the text tells the reader who is talking. If you are going to tell the reader, "Or let me out,” Valorie heard a whisper in her mind say,""heard a whisper in her mind" is an action, not a tag. I use actions and descriptions when I can to avoid overusing 'said'. Italics may be redundant in that sentence. But they are not redundant if they are used elsewhere and you need to continue the convention throughout the piece.
There might be several more vocal elements calling for speech tags. They are also the ones getting flummoxed by the fact that there are three speakers and one is a disembodied voice. When you're trying learn how to fish it's sometimes useful to ignore the people who are trying to explain how to use a harpoon and just pick up the fishing pole. Seriously, italics are the standard convention. Meyer uses them, Rowling uses them, Gaiman uses them, Eddings uses them, Moore uses them. The only concrete argument against using them is personal taste. And that personal taste has people confused about who in your work is supposed to be talking at any given time.
Ok. So your saying the first time it needs it needs a tag then afterwards italics are the way to go. Wouldn't that be confusing later on then? I don't know it seems like italics has this "code" that I am relaying on people knowing that code before reading. I can so see one of my friends asking me what who was talking as they didn't even notice italics. "Heck earlier in this thread I think, or the other one I didn't notice the use of italics"
As far as the code goes, let me tell you about a conversation with my niece when she was 12 and a voracious reader. "What would you think, gosling, if you saw a string of italic text in the middle of a narrative?" "I would think it was the character's thoughts, dumbass." She replied. Everyone knows about italics. You're not writing it in code.
