1. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    Wanna watch a train wreck?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Jack Asher, Sep 24, 2014.

    http://jezebel.com/moms-evangelical-christian-rewrite-of-harry-potter-cann-1638274209
    Christian mother rewrites Harry Potter so that Christians can read it without feeling guilty. My hope is that the author heard about the latest trend of turning fan fiction into novels and decided to try. It's unfortunate that her inability to grasp of even the most basic writing principles stands in her way.

    From the text of the article:
    Apparently Hermione is Dumbledor's daughter. I haven't read far enough to see if Ron Weasley is in this re-imagining, or if Christians (like all good people) naturally exclude gingers as well.

    UPDATE: Ron is in Slytherin, where they worship idols. Seems his lack of a soul inhibits him even in fan fic.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2014
  2. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Oh, that's just the worst... :dead:

    Firstly, Grace, stranded preposition, dearest. Tsk, tsk. Secondly, in order for a "solution" to be of any validity, we must first have an actual problem to which to apply it. (See the underlined bit, Grace? That's how you do it.)

    Quite possibly the most prostituted word of 21st century America is family. Anything you don't like? Exclude it from the idea of family friendly so that no matter what it is, it sounds like a child molester (preferably a gay one).
     
  3. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Wait, so people that watch Twilight movies turn into werewolves and vampires? Man I'm glad I never got into those!

    Someone needs to tell this woman the difference between fantasy and reality.
     
  4. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I ... them's fighting words lady!

    All jokes aside. It's like is a parody of the overly scared Christian mother. Honestly, reading these things just makes me so glad I am not a part of their world, to be honest - why are the Dersley's now atheists? is she saying atheism is child abuse? That's a very silly way to look at things. That seems so restrictive at best. And witches? Really?

    Also, she could have at least tried to improve on Rowling's writing style. But no, oh well.
     
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  5. elynne
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    elynne Active Member

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    I am 100% positive, with every fiber and filament of my being, that the True Christian Family-Friendly Bowdlerized Harry Potter and the Splinter of the True Cross will be even more successful and wide-reaching than the Satan-worshiping original from which it was spawned raised and perfected.
     
  6. daemon
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    daemon Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh Poe's law, how I love you.
     
  7. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    To be fair, the original Harry Potter had parts that needed rephrasing, such as this one:
     
  8. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Never could manage to properly control that wand, him. ;)
     
  9. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    He used magical lotion and Kleenex. :whistle:
     
  10. Ulramar
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    Ulramar Contributing Member Contributor

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    This is like the one mom who thought Pokemon was turning her son into a satanist.

    Dog fighter, maybe, but not a satanist.
     
  11. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Poe definitely crossed my mind, as well as The Onion and Landover Baptist.

     
  12. Jack Asher
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    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

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    But she writes with such an earnest lack of self-awareness. I'd lean toward satire if she wasn't constantly quoting scripture.
     
  13. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Yeah, but, I imagine if you are going to write an obsessively Christian Potter even as a joke, you are going to have a good knowledge of the bible - just to do it right.
     
  14. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    True. You do have to know your source materials if you're going to concoct a parody of it. A good parody has research under its belt that it uses to critique/mock for the wider audience.
     
  15. PensiveQuill
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    PensiveQuill Contributing Member

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    I wonder if this author would be interested in making GoT's family friendly? It's got good bones for it. Bran is practically the second coming of Christ, well he would be if he'd stop fucking about in other people's minds and talking to beasts.
     
  16. Chiv
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    Chiv Active Member

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    Bahahaha! I'm not particularly a Harry Potter fan, and I'm religious, but from the small amount of this I've seen, it's so bad it's good. Man, that is truly terrible. As if Harry Potter was ever that bad. I watch Game of Thrones for crying out loud. Religious extremists are funny people.
     
  17. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I've concluded that the author (of the fan fiction, that is) is trolling. The bit about the manly hands and the chest hair (yes, I did read several of the "chapters") gives it away, IMO; it's just too over the top.
     
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  18. Adenosine Triphosphate
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    Adenosine Triphosphate Old Scratch Contributor

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    What the Darwin.
     
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