1. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    Weird Stylistic Changes? Please Help.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Eclipse~Illusion, Nov 20, 2011.

    I'm typically an interracial romance writer, and I usually stick with contemporary. However, I noticed that my style changes depending on the characters I use.

    BW/WM : Black Woman/White Man BW/AM: Black Woman/ Asian Man

    I don't think it's on purpose; it just happens. This could be why I'm having so much trouble with BW/AM because it's stylistically different from my WM/BW, which is what I'm used to writing.

    See, this is from "In the Office", which BW/WM:

    Dru Hughes hardly was a domineering type; she could barely get her dog to get off the couch, even when she stamped her foot to "emphasize" her point. The animal, like most people, would look at her as though it just inwardly rolled its eyes. She was the very bottom of the dog-eat-dog food chain. But there was man she could easily control; whenever he was around and it was time to play, she came out.


    She didn't have a spilt-personality or an alter ego (it amazed her that some people even still had those); it was like a primal instinct over took her body. The shy, scared, tender woman took a break and let this creature take over anytime that that man came near her.


    That man in particular was currently walking briskly down the office corridor; he walked with a smile--more like a smirk--on his face. He talked to their fellow co-workers easily, unwavered, not a hint of any discomfort in his smooth voice. One of his pale hands ran through his messy, almost platinum blond hair in a relaxed way.



    And this from my Nano, which is BW/AM:

    (Sorry about the formatting and spelling errrors).
    Kennedy pushed the large, green curtains opens, and turned the chalkboard “Closed” sign to “Open”, signaling that she was open for business. She sipped lightly from the steaming hot tea in her green mug. She had only been open for a few months now. But given how popular Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts, and all of those other name brands were, she felt she was doing very for herself. Her regulars would she come in along eight o’clock for their usual black coffee, no sugar, two creams, and a small muffin before dashing back out the door, going to work. Sometimes shed a get few people to come in on their laptops, blackberries, and other technology, some doing business deals, some writing novels, and others just goofing off because they could afford too. However, she could’ve just clicked her heels at the thought of having regular customers.

    She walked behind the counter, and leaned against it. It was usually slow in the early mornings, at six, and late night, around midnight. Most people kind of just dragging themselves along, forcing themselves to wake up for the day’s(or night’s) work. After the last piece of invisible dust and dirt was swept and thrown away, she’d switch the sign, pull the curtains, and go to the back of the shop where the “house” portion was. She usually curled up with some chamomile or sleepy time tea as catched the last few minutes of “The Jerry Springer Show”. Most people wouldn’t suspect that was one of her guiltiess pleasures, but that show, a good cup of tea, maybe some pizza, and that would a be a night to live for.

    Her toes curled up in her white flats. She alaredy had the green apron with her store’s name and logo marked on the front. Car after car after car passed by the large set of windows. It busier than usual. Probably some kind of party this weekend, joy, she thought sarcastically while rolling her dark brown colored eyes. It wasn’t that she hated to party; she was young. She liked to have to a night out on the town with her friends. What she hated where the drunk idiots in the middle screaming how they didn’t want to go home and nobody loved them at four o’clock in the freakin’ morning. A small shiver ran through her body at the memory of Spring Break weekend the last year.

    The small bell that hung from the front door chimed as her best-friend and part-time co-worker walked in breezily.
    “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Paige said, quickly tying the apron around her body and pulling her long tan brown her back into a ponytail. “I had to help this guy in my physics class with something, and then traffic was unbelieveable. You would think there was a funeral or something.”


    See the difference, or is it just my imagination? Writing "In the Office" was a lot more fun than this. Maybe that's why. I don't know. But gah! I always have trouble writing BW/AM; I don't know why. And I'm not trying to come off as offensive or anything; I'm just trying to get some help here.

    To even further point out, this stuff is different from my fan fiction I think too.
     
  2. Protar
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    Protar Active Member

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    I did notice the second excerpt seemed more dry than the first. Perhaps you're simply not as interested in that particular story. It's nothing to worry about, just don't write about it if you're not feeling it.
     
  3. TurtleWriter
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    TurtleWriter Member

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    The second excerpt seemed to be more foundational. It feels like you're setting up the story. I have a tolerance for those type introductions, even more so because it seemed like you were subtly introducing this new character/story. I found out she has a certain personality and she works/owns in a coffee shop.

    The first excerpt feels like it was farther in the story that was more established already. Therefore, it seems more reasonable that you'd have more flexibility to make more interesting paragraphs.
     
  4. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    Actually, both paragraphs are from the beginning of their particular stories. I tired to pick the first few paragraphs of each story.

    I wouldn't say that I wasn't interested in the story. I am. I really like my plot, and I think it's really interesting. However, the actual prose or writing just won't come out the right way, or at least the way I feel like it should. The writing feels boring and, like someone said, very dry.
     
  5. TurtleWriter
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    TurtleWriter Member

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    I can see what you're saying in terms of the lack of pizazz. I think the introduction is a bit too generic feeling for the second paragraph. If I were to keep the content but shift things up, I would insert a short dialogue conversation with a customer (a regular). Insert a bit of her personality into the conversation and intrigue to bring in the reader. What do you think?
     
  6. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    That could be an idea. I think right now I've either forgotten or just pushed back some of the writing tips I basically memorized and kept when I wrote the first piece. When I did NanoWrimo, I basically focused on word count, and not on quality. Therefore, I didn't focus on quality, and ended barely given my characters, well, character. They seem to say the same things over and over, repeatedly(and it's done poorly). I think maybe if I refresh on writing tips, tricks, etc., I can get good again.


    Does anyone know any good sites that offer some good, general(or if specializing in genre, I'd prefer romance or something similar) writing tips?
     
  7. Cacian
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    Cacian Banned

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    what do you mean by interracial writer?
     
  8. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    Interracial Romance writer. As in my characters will be different races.
     
  9. foosicle
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    foosicle Member

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    How are you embodying each character while writing? I see little difference.
     
  10. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    I don't understand what you mean. I'm not self-inserting myself if that's what you mean. I just felt that the first excerpt I posted had more of a comedic, interesting edge than the second, but that's just my opinion. I've been told, like you said, that there was little difference between the two of them. Maybe it was just something I saw then.
     
  11. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    You used a lot of semicolons in your first example. Was that a pacing choice? (Note that I'm usually a semicolon promoter; I like them! But you may have overdone it.)
     
  12. Eclipse~Illusion
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    Eclipse~Illusion New Member

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    It probably was. I don't really think I meant to use as many as I did on purpose. It just happened. Well, do you think that the two stories are different stylistically? So far, it seems like I'm one of the few who noticed it. Haha.
     

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