1. qp83
    Offline

    qp83 Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    17

    What do you call this facial expression?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by qp83, Dec 21, 2014.

    Like, imagine a guy and girl having a playful, teasing, flirty relationship, and then the guy sort of steps over the line and does something rather naughty, and in response she makes this expression where she sort of pretends to be much angrier and affronted than she is, and she goes after the guy to punish him, playfully, but with a little sting to it. Like, if he's far away, she would probably stride towards him and throw something at him, or if he's sitting right next to her, she would probably hit him hard in the arm, or pinch him really hard.

    In my mind I see this mess of pursed lips, inhaling, and smiling. And her eyes try to look serious, or something... lol, been trying to imagine this expression for too long now.

    Any ideas? :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
  2. ChickenFreak
    Offline

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    8,923
    Likes Received:
    5,459
    I know that you won't find this responsive, but I would consider "hit him hard" or "pinch him really hard" to be unacceptable. Minor physical abuse is still physical abuse. If it would be wrong for him to do it to her, it's wrong for her to do it to him.

    Edited to add: Of course, characters can do all sorts of unacceptable things. I'm just saying that I would see it as unacceptable behavior, rather than the cute endearing behavior that you seem to be going for.
     
  3. Chinspinner
    Offline

    Chinspinner Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,918
    Likes Received:
    1,018
    Location:
    London, now Auckland
    Rather than hit really hard a phrase like "She swatted his hand away" might work, add in "robustly" if she properly twatted him.

    In terms of what you are trying to achieve, I am struggling to think of a concise description.

    Maybe: -
    "She landed a playful punch on his arm, but one that hurt none-the-less. He rubbed his injury wearing an expression of mock-pain before succumbing to laughter. She then hit him around the face with a frying pan"

    That might work (not the last bit, that was a joke).

    In terms of the expression: Indignation?
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
  4. Gawler
    Offline

    Gawler Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2014
    Messages:
    294
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Australia via Hawaii via Australia via England
    Her lips tightened and her eyes narrowed as she feigned anger, it was however, a battle to stop the corners of her mouth curling upwards and giving her game away. The glare in her eyes ready to soften as soon as her bluff succeeded in coaxing him into showing more tenderness.
     
  5. The Cuckoo's Nest
    Offline

    The Cuckoo's Nest Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2014
    Messages:
    85
    Likes Received:
    19
    Playful indignation?
     
  6. peachalulu
    Offline

    peachalulu Contributing Member Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    3,821
    Likes Received:
    2,378
    Location:
    occasionally Oz , mainly Canada
    She had on her mock you'll-pay-for-that smile complete with with narrowed brows and clenched fist.
     
  7. qp83
    Offline

    qp83 Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    17
    I looked up indignation in the dictionary, but from what it said there I can't really link it to a facial expression, so I don't get an image in my head of what it's supposed to look like. And googling images of indignation, the expressions seems so varied :/

    @Gawler, thanks. But I was hoping to get away from having to write several sentences describing a 'simple' facial expression. However, if it could be broken down to one sentence, and a not too long one, I guess it would be okay.

    Hmm... maybe I'm overthinking this, could perhaps something like this work:

    Oh boy. He was in big trouble now. Fumes were coming out of her head and a devilish smile spread across her lips. She ravished his scrawny body with her crackling fingers.

    "Please, stop!" he begged, between laughter and gasps for air.
     
  8. Mckk
    Offline

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2010
    Messages:
    4,749
    Likes Received:
    2,534
    What on earth are "crackling fingers"? Are they on fire?

    My advice, get away from anime and manga and start reading actual, normal prose. I grew up with anime and manga and still watch anime sometimes now - I recognise the tropes you're using, and it doesn't work on regular English prose. Anime and manga are both highly, highly stylised genres and what works for them rarely works for prose.

    You need to learn not to translate those exaggerated expressions of anime and rather think about how real people would express themselves. For a start, in real life, people rarely throw things at people to feign anger. Fumes don't come out of people's head - unless you phrased it better to make it a clear metaphor.

    Ravish also has connotations you don't want for the situation you're describing, namely a sexual one. OED says the second definition of "ravish" is of a man raping a woman:
    http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/ravish?searchDictCode=all

    I suggest you find authors you enjoy who write good prose and study how they word and express themselves. Given you're likely prone to exaggerations if you're highly influenced by anime, I'd suggest learning from authors who are more understated, in order to balance out your own writing and explore different ways of expressing the same emotions.
     
  9. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    1,125
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    Crackling fingers?
    Like when anime characters kinda wiggle all ten fingers in a creepy way that usually means they're being creepy and/or perverse?
     
  10. NickAI
    Offline

    NickAI New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    4
    Unless the character is meant to have an extreme over reaction, refrain from any sort of attack that involves attempts to cause serious pain. That is definitely on the anime/manga side of things as @Mckk said. That type of encounter does not work with english writing. I suggest going for something significantly more subtle, such as a slapped hand or small jab to the arm. But in regards to the facial expression, the description could look something like this.

    "She had a playful smirk on her face, but a warning nonetheless."
     
  11. qp83
    Offline

    qp83 Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    17
    Lol, by 'crackling fingers', I meant were you tighten them really hard, so that it feels like they might crack. The purpose is of course to make the fingers as hard as possible and make the tickling as uncomfortable as possible. I couldn't think of a better adjective, and crackling, makes this popping sound, plus the word kind of reminds of cracking, so I thought it seemed to fit pretty well :)

    I wouldn't say my example was influenced by anime or manga, I just wanted it exagerated and a bit crazy the moment I wrote it. I guess it's just my silly humour. (I only started watching/reading anime/manga a year or two ago, and my 'humor' was exagerated and 'cartoony' long before that.)

    As for the hitting in my first post, I don't know what to say. Me and my friends used to hit each other all the time, as play. And me and girl I used to know also hit each other, and it was not some playful slaps, it actually hurt and left bruises, sometimes. Of course, we only hit each other on the shoulder. (Unless, you mean these playful slaps also can cause bruising?) And yes, we also threw really hard snowballs at each other, fear of pain can be exciting and fun.
     
  12. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    1,125
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    Yeah, you can't really use crackling fingers like that because no definition of the word works like you meant it.
    You could say locked, in the right context, or stiffen, tightened, anything that means to brace/fortify really.
     
  13. HelloImRex
    Offline

    HelloImRex Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2014
    Messages:
    267
    Likes Received:
    172
    With clenched lips, widened eyes, and crackled fingers she was trying hard, perhaps too hard, to put on the face of annoyance. But then again, maybe she was just constipated.

    “You look like your constipated.” he remarked before smirking at his sly remark.

    “Stop it.” she yelled hitting him hard. She was actually mad now.

    “Abuse isn’t funny.” interjected the family parrot that had been painted to look like a chicken some years earlier.



    I'm getting off track and I don't know how to, use commas. Help!

    I feel like your asking what word there is for the fake expression of an emotion. You can just say the emotion and say its being fakely expressed. Well, don't say fakely, that's not a word, you get what I mean though.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2014
  14. HelloImRex
    Offline

    HelloImRex Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2014
    Messages:
    267
    Likes Received:
    172
    After half an hour of deliberation with a full team of researchers we’ve uncovered that what I meant to say was “you’re” as in “you are”, not “your” as what was posted in my previous post. We have also uncovered that there is a 25 minute limit on editing posts. That means if you notice a mistake and decide you can fix it after you take care of some fake annoyance, don’t. You're play now grammar police!
     
  15. Boger
    Offline

    Boger Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2014
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    The Dome of the Slate
    buffooned
     

Share This Page