I'm just incredibly curious now if anyone else has similar writing experiences to share. I think I've learnt something about myself this evening. I found myself eating my words about something I said here a short time ago, that being something like: "I remember every single word I've ever written" I was looking for some notes in my notebook from Christmas to help me with my essay, and opened the book at the start because I didn't realise that my scribblings from the holiday/exam season last semester were in the opening. I was pretty much insane at that point: I'd done 3 massive essays with next to no sleep, as well as pulling a couple of 7 hour stints in the library to research my dissertation. I was sicker than I've been pretty much ever but didn't know it yet, and my only real memory aside from falling asleep in a Chinese restaurant is somehow throwing my lamp off the table and smashing it when I was half-asleep, and having a huge break down because I was convinced it was going to poison me. Now, I've also said somewhere else here that I never, ever stop writing, but it just struck me today how writing is to me. I looked in this notebook and realised that I could see my focus trailing off from the last scenes I wrote of what had been my Next Big Thing (I got about 50,000 words in before this point but it just suddenly stops as I get sick), and then there's just 6 different stories, all fragments of things I started, or random scenes from stories I was writing which weren't even part of the timeline - non-canon scenes, openings to stories in genres I never write (I was writing a WESTERN. WHY, Melzaar? WHY?) and all sorts of crazy stuff. Scenes which I couldn't even identify what story they were from. The weirdest thing is that I was sure there was so much more of all of it, and the fact it only runs to fifteen pages before I got my mind back surprises me more than the fact I have the pages of gibberish at all. It's almost like I just stuck a pen in my ear and let my dreams write what was happening, because I could have hallucinated all of December and I'd have no way of knowing. In fact maybe I did. So, that was clearly the lowest point I've ever had in my writing - writing stuff without even knowing I was doing it, and stuff that makes no sense and has no possible use to me now. It's weird, just thinking about how my subconscious is so well-trained to write that even when I was practically a zombie I was firing out random ideas, coming up with story concepts far beyond my normal range (seriously. Westerns?) almost like clawing at writing just to keep myself moving. Or that my writing got the sickness along with me or something. Anyone else got similar experiences, or did I really lose my mind this December? Once I got better I started a new novel, stuck to it, and finished it in a couple of months, so no permanent damage.