What is a better way to write this?

BEyre · Apr 8, 2011

I have been doing a little learning about various points of view and tense combinations, especially those better suited for the murder mystery novels.

VM80 · Apr 9, 2011

popsicledeath said: ↑

Nothing delays an action like a word trying to explain how the action wasn't delayed! Just give the action. If it's sudden, then it will be suddenly.

Same goes with interrupting dialog. Instead of stating there was an interruption, just interrupt it and the reader will understand.

It really is amazing how simple writing fiction can be at times.
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Good advice.

The-Joker · Apr 10, 2011

popsicledeath said: ↑

Hrm, how about:

In a time of antiquity, when the world was still black and white, as color had not yet been invented (especially in the world of a Private Dick), our controversial do-it-your-own-way hero, having been sneaking and snooping in his typical, mostly deft of ways, was assailed upon in a way without warning by an unnamed attacker. You see, dear reader, John, the attacker in question this day, had suddenly without any warning, in an instantaneous and immediate way, all of a sudden, brought a blunt object down with furious indignation upon the skull of our hero, who didn't feel the searing pain rip into the base of his skull, didn't hear the audible sound of the "thwack" ring out for all to hear, but did see himself brace against the mahogany-stained six foot long in length desk through which he had previously been rifling in his attempts to snoop, as Private Dicks are prone to do, and watched himself slip to the floor, his world in the process of fading to the darkest black of shadowy unconsciousness, as the unnamed assailant John slipped from the room unseen!
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That's Hillarious! Well Done.

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What is a better way to write this?

BEyre New Member

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What is a better way to write this?

BEyre New Member

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