They can be expressed, because you expressed them, pretty clearly, but in a post. I think that you make a distinction between writing (forum posts and probably other things like emails, things where your goal is communication) and Writing (formal writing that you create as part of your goal to Be a Writer.) That's a false distinction. You said: 1. I felt attracted to Marie. 2. I told her about it. 3. She told me she had a boyfriend. 4. I accepted friendship. 5. She broke the friendship. I thought she did so because she thought I had bad intentions. 6. I am trying to show that from the beginning my intentions were pure. That's writing. It's pretty clear. There are missing pieces of information, but what's there is pretty clear. It can be made into a paragraph: I felt attracted to Marie, and I told her about it. She told me she had a boyfriend, so I accepted friendship. Later, she broke the friendship. I thought she did so because she thought I had bad intentions. But from the beginning my intentions were pure. That's a reasonably clear paragraph, and 95% of it is your words. You can write clearly. So I think that the issue is indeed a block, a refusal of your mind to write clearly when you're Writing, not a lack of ability. Meanwhile, possible prompt: write about the way that you feel when a waiter does a lousy job and you don't know what to do about the tip. Edited to add: And first write it AS A POST. As if you're in a forum about restaurants. Edited to add: And I agree with ThirdWind that that last paragraph is the clearest so far.
Okay, so I was able to make the paragraph clear. How do I make sure that all my paragraphs are clear from now on, without having to ask someone? Also, can this paragraph be adjusted to sound more poetic? As for the prompt, I am not sure that I can think of much to write about that. It sounds like a dilemma, but I am not sure how I would resolve it.
Forget poetic. When you've written a hundred thousand words with the goal of clarity, start considering whether it's time to think about the poetic goal. (Really, I'd vote for half a million words, but I realize there are limits to how long a person is willing to wait to chase their primary goal.) No, I'm not the boss of you. But I think that it would be highly counterproductive to even look at the poetic goal yet. And to make sure that all your paragraphs are clear--write a whole lot of paragraphs. Write whole essays or stories. Put them up in the review room and people will tell you where they're unclear. You can't "make sure" that they're clear, in advance, you can only write them and ask if they're clear.
It is not possible to write poetic if you cannot find clarity. A poem in itself is clear and concise. I've had my hand in poetry for some time and I can concur with all other posts, it is far to complicated. What you are trying to do shouldn't even be a full paragraph. I will give my hand at it as an example though, I am novice. I hope this helps you to understand how to be more clear in what you saying. My attraction was clear, her desires were not. Tis only in friendship did I find her taken. She crushed my heart for falsehood and efforts to mend were futile. I had thought my intentions pure, but what purity lives in the lust I feel?
Often people do not understand what I mean when I say I want to write poetically. I am not saying that I want to write a poem, but a piece of prose that is rich in poetic cadences, a piece of writing that when read, produces the sound of rising and falling tones and the sound of a strong rhythm.
Can you give us examples of writers you think write poetically? That might help us get a better idea of what you're aiming for.
I would point to the King James Bible because that's the only real example I can think of. But the Gettysberg address and the piece that goes, "These are the times that try men's soul" are good too. In the King James Bible you have some simpler sentences like this: "And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night." And you have more complex sentences like this: "1 God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, 2 Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;3 Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high; 4 Being made so much better than the angels, as he hath by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they." As you can hear, it has a very strong sense of rhythm. I always wondered how it achieved that sense of rhythm. I don't want to use the same rhythm that it uses, but a different rhythm that I can come up with that sounds persuasive and fluid like those ones. I have just been wondering if it sounds like that simply because it is the Bible, (which I believe is the Word of God regardless), or because the right words were chosen and arranged in just the right way.
I think it's definitely the word choices, but it's also the topic. I don't mean to sound dismissive, but from what I'm reading of the whole Marie thing, this sounds like... a misunderstanding? An aggravation? I know it probably doesn't feel that way when you're one of the people involved, but it's not really trying your soul, is it? I mean, in forty years, are you going to remember this as a defining moment of your life? And certainly no-one involved is more excellent than angels! So, three complications for you. One, both of your examples are fairly old. People don't speak like that in 2014, and they mostly don't write like that either. So whatever you come up with may feel archaic, at best. Two, these are writings about really huge, weighty issues, not squabbles between a guy and a girl he may or may not have a crush on. It's a lot easier to sound profound when you're writing about a profound topic. And, three, your examples are written by masters of the craft. I mean, depending on your beliefs, the King James part may actually have been divinely inspired! It's a pretty high standard for a beginning writer to aspire to! I agree with the person upthread who suggested you focus on clarity for a while, and when you've got that down, start working lyricism into your work. This is not a beginner's task you've set for yourself.
I recently posted about 365 Days of Writing Prompts. Could be interesting for you. I know you said you don't really like prompts, but I think this a great way to practice writing while allowing yourself some distance. If everything you write is intensely personal, it makes it very difficult to take a step back and evaluate for clarity.
There works were written a long time ago, and there are plenty of modern examples that you can follow. For example, Cormac McCarthy's style is very biblical. Take this passage from The Road as an example: Despite the biblical influence, it reads like a modern piece of work. Another thing you should understand is that rhythm is subjective. A poet, for example, might look at that excerpt you posted from the Bible and not find much rhythm there. To your last point, yes, word order does play a role here. In fact, great writers are very aware of word choice and word order. This is something I think you need to work on. Take a look at post #41, where you use phrases like "containing the mention of things beyond friendship." No one today talks like that, which is why I keep saying you need to read more contemporary literature. It seems to me like you're stuck in the past, and this is really hurting your progress as a writer. There are plenty of good contemporary writers out there. It's just a matter of going out and reading them.
