"Is that your campsite or mine?" -- "If I ask this, maybe she'll invite me into her tent! And then, I can inch a bit closer, and....MMMM." (Preferably if that last part is spoken with a creeper-ish grunt) "Hey, you've got a little spinach stuck in your teeth. You might want to floss that out before the meeting." (This one is pretty direct, so I want to see how it can be twisted)
What was said: "Hey you've got a little spinach in your teeth. You might want to floss that out before the meeting." What was meant: "We CAN tell when someone has bad hygiene. Please brush your teeth and floss daily." ----- What was said: "I hate men who smooth talk."
What was said: I hate men who smooth talk. What was meant: "I think I'm falling in love, but I need you to prove I can trust you." ------ What was said: "You know I'm here for you whenever you need me."
What was said: "You know I'm here for you whenever you need me." What was said: "I don't how to make you feel better, but I have to say something comforting." ---- What was said: "I wish you wouldn't have to go. I'll miss you."
What was said: "I wish you wouldn't have to go. I'll miss you." What was meant: "Thank my lucky stars you are leaving. What a pest you have been. Sleeping on my sofa, lazy good for nothing, loser. Not to mention raiding the fridge. Yep sure will be a huge relief, once you're out of here." What was said: Oh, did you cook that yourself?
What was said: "Oh, did you cook that yourself?" What was meant: "You can't cook and this tastes disgusting, but, um, it's the thought that counts?" "I actually can't eat out that much because I'm low on cash."
What was said: "I actually can't eat out that much because I'm low on cash." What was meant: "Actually I'm not, but if I wasted all my money on that I'd be broke like everyone I know." What was said: "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
What was meant: I'd really, really appreciate it if you leave me alone and stop trying to guilt-trip me about this. Go away. What was said: "Next time could we do this a little later in the day?"
What was said: "Next time could we do this a little later in the day?" What was meant: "Can't believe you woke me up this early, just to listen to you read a few of your new poems." What was said: "So do you always wear joggers in the office?"
(Not sure what joggers are as I'm not in the UK, but I'm assuming they're sweatpants that you wear when you go to the gym or out for a jog) What was meant: "Oh! So...you think it's appropriate to wear joggers in a workplace setting? Did you miss the part in the employees' handbook where they talk about the dress code? Oh my...." What was said: "You have a very trendy style."
Actually I am not from the UK either, I'm an Aussie. We use the term 'runners' here. I just said joggers to allow everyone else to undterstand... Ha ha, I should have stuck to runners What was said: "Oh my, What a very nice car!" What was Meant: You don't expect me to get into that rust bucket? Ha ha! What was said: Are you really going to eat that fried chicken?
What was meant: Do you really need that, fatty? [OR] I think you should offer those to me...... What was said: "I have to meet someone pretty soon so we should probably wrap this up."
What was said: "I have to meet someone pretty soon so we should probably wrap this up." What was meant: "Shut the hell up and get da hell out of here!" What was said: "I love you, my darling."
What was said: "I love you, my darling." What was meant: "Sorry, honey. I'm drunk as hell." What was said: "Oh! I love this game!!"
"Oh! I love this game!" ---> "Please shut the F up, you're making things so awkward! Oh, perfect, here's a game we can talk about to change the subject...." "It's just not for me, thanks though."
'Well, it's very much for me, but admitting to a fondness for midget porn seems a tad bold.' I despise you and everything you stand for.
What was said: I despise you and everything you stand for. What was meant: You are my everything. I believe we are so perfect, we agree on absolutely everything. Yep... I love you. What was said: Are you still studying?
"Are you still studying?" --> "Do you seriously never have a life? You can get good grades AND go out with your friends, but apparently your social life is really lacking." "Can you help me with my laundry?"
What was said: Why is it always me. What was meant: Ha! Like they think I'm getting off my behind to help them. Not in this lifetime! What was said: You look good for your age.
What was said: "You look good for your age." What was meant: "For an old person you look rockin!" What was said: "Just five more minutes."
What was said: "Just five more minutes." What was meant: Ok, so it's taking longer than I thought. But if you would just be quiet, I can finish. What was said: "It's not that hard, is it?"
What was said: "It's not that hard, is it?" What was meant: "Can you just get out of the way so I can do it?" What was said: "There's always room for improvement."
What was said: "There's always room for improvement." What was meant: "The best you can do? A five year old could do better!" What was said: "Oh, are hats in fashion now?"
