1. Milhouse2011
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    Milhouse2011 New Member

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    What would you do if you won a writing award?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Milhouse2011, Aug 24, 2011.

    NOTE: This post is not an attempt to troll. This post is an honest statement on what I personally would do if I, through an act of God, won a writing award.

    If I won a writing award, I'd do the following things:

    1) Turn up to the ceremony blind drunk
    2) Accept the award while blind drunk and drinking JD on stage.
    3) Refer to the award as a "paperweight"
    4) Rant about how I wrote the award winning piece of work in one day while drinking JD and wearing nothing but boxer shorts
    5) Thank the awards committee on their low standards that helped me to win the award
    6) Inspire the audience by telling them "If a drunken idiot like me can win this paperweight, so can you!"
    7) Start smoking a cigarette on stage (Especially effective if done in a non-smoking area)
    8) Leave the award ceremony and spend the prizemoney on gambling, alcohol, hookers and cigarettes.
     
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  2. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    Great. All you need now is a Kanye West mask to remove all doubt...

    In before this is closed/deleted.
     
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  3. Milhouse2011
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    Milhouse2011 New Member

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    Thanks for the Kanye West suggestion. It'd make things funnier!
     
  4. Quezacotl
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    Quezacotl Contributing Member

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    Obvious troll post is obvious.

    I'd accept it, party, and keep writing.
     
  5. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'd do a foolish little dance, and on two separate occasions, take my lady out and show her a good time and also take my little sister out and see a movie or something. I'd probably be giddy, too, and liable to build a shrine in one corner of my room.
    Oh, and I'd get two half-sleeve tattoos featuring intertwined and interlocked scenes from the winning piece.

    Just remember though, Milhouse, you actually have to write something that could win an award before you go out and buy all that alcohol.

    EDIT: Oh, and smoking's a disgusting habit.
     
  6. Islander
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    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hilarious!
     
  7. Shifty
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    Shifty Member

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    I live in my head with my characters most of the
    I'd say there must be some kind of mistake.
     
  8. VM80
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    VM80 Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have, sorta... I won a scholarship (to go abroad) at my Uni for a short piece I wrote.

    What did I do? Nothing much, I was a bit speechless...
     
  9. Shifty
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    Shifty Member

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    I live in my head with my characters most of the
    Thats awesome.
     
  10. VM80
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    VM80 Contributing Member Contributor

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    ^
    Thanks. It would have been even better had I gone... but something came up. The best laid plans and all that.. So it goes.
     
  11. Islander
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    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

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    When I received the award, I think I would grab the statuette/whatever firmly in my right hand, raise it towards the sky, and say, "Yes! Yes! Finally, it is mine! Now tremble, mortals! Mua ha ha ha ha!"
     
  12. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    There. I fixed it for you.

    I myself would opt for transforming into some kind of pony, then I'd brohoof the guy who handed me the trophy.
     
  13. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    why is this thread duplicated in more than one section?... or am i seeing double?
     
  14. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    It was moved around the time you posted that, Maia. :)
     
  15. Forceflow
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    Lol, finally an awards ceremony worth watching.
    I'd probably do something extremely dramatic, like get someone to steal it off me and than pick it up off them after they run into a wall. and i only just planned that.
     
  16. Sundae
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    Sundae Contributing Member

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    I've won scholarships for two essays that I've written. One was in fifth grade, the other was at Uni.

    But I hope to win a Pulitzer one day and when I win it, I'm going to go home and pull out all my drafts, sit in quiet dark room with dim lights and read all my early versions and pay tribute to my characters because they deserve it just as much as I do.
     
  17. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    I won $100 in a writing contest this past year. I spent it all, though. :p
     
  18. Milhouse2011
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    Milhouse2011 New Member

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    I was bored, so in an attempt to get some kind of creative reboot, I wrote a draft of my acceptance speech for my first literary award:

    ***Stumbling onto stage drunk and drinking JD***

    “I don’t give a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about this paperweight. I don’t give a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about this ceremony. I didn’t give a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] when they told me I was nominated. The only reason I’m [EXPLETIVE DELETED] here is because there’s a free meal and a free bar.

    ***Lights up cigarette***

    What I do give a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about is the prize money because I’ll be [EXPLETIVE DELETED] it all away at Las Vegas. Furthermore, the one [EXPLETIVE DELETED] thing that matters to me the most is my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] fans who appreciate the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] work I put into my writing.

    When I get an email from a fan who appreciates my work, that means a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] more to me than some [EXPLETIVE DELETED] book review.
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m [EXPLETIVE DELETED] off to the free bar to get completely [EXPLETIVE DELETED] up. Peace out! Live long and prosper!”
     
  19. Boomfog
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    Boomfog Member

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    After the scattered applause from your brilliant acceptance speech, I'd give you a sneer while standing with whomever I came with, watching you pig out on all the cocktail shrimp and mini sandwiches that was meant for everyone and not just you. "God, can you guys believe it? That assface actually won. THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME." And then I'd proceed to crush the wine glass in my hand.

    Because, you know, I'd have that ability.
     
  20. Boomfog
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    Boomfog Member

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    Double post.
     
  21. Yoshiko
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    Yoshiko Contributing Member Contributor

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    Not show-up - if I did then they would realise my German penname is obviously an alias. I don't want them to make that connection, which is why I used a penname in the first place. :p
     

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