1. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    When Being a Friend on FB Isn't Such a Good Idea

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by EdFromNY, Dec 8, 2013.

    Sorry, guys, I have to get this off my chest.

    About a year ago, I found an old friend from high school on FB. I sent a friend request and he accepted. Since then, I have reached out to him on several occasions - PMs and the like - and he has never responded.

    I know that his life has been difficult. I once ran into him, a few years after we had both graduated from college. He was out of work, and I was working a job that I hated and that I regarded as a temporary situation (I was in grad school at the time). He asked me if I knew of any opportunities, and I told him - honestly - that I didn't (my company at the time never would have taken a recommendation from me on anyone). We fell out of touch and did not get back in touch in any sense until I reached out to him on FB.

    Here's the thing. This guy was - quite literally - a lifesaver for me back then. We went to sporting events together. He had (and still does, from what I can tell) a terrific sense of humor, and he often broke up horrible times for me by making me laugh. He introduced me to the writings of James Thurber, which I love to this day. We were bandmates in our high school band.

    Last night, I found a posting on You Tube of the piece that was the highlight of the first concert he and I both performed in with our high school band, 45 years ago this week. I posted it on his wall in FB. I knew I wouldn't get a response, but I just wanted him to know I remembered, that I cared, and that I appreciated all he did for me, because the truth is I don't think he ever knew at the time. I'd love to see him just once to say thanks.

    Anyway, thanks.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2013
  2. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Does he post at all on his page? Cause if he's like me I have an account but never go to my page, and delete all the FB spam they send me every other day. I friended my neighbor when I signed up but that still doesn't mean I ever look at my page.
     
  3. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    That is a shame you haven't been able to reconnect as you'd hoped, Ed. But Ginger is right -- there are lots of folks who never check their FB pages. They have an account, might check it once in a blue moon, but it's just not in their regular rotation of things they do. My husband has a FB account but rarely goes there. He will go occasionally, but no one can really reach him there. If someone posts something to his page, he might or might not see it. I always tell him he should go more often, because I'll see things that are posted to his page by mutual friends. I have other friends who go to FB even less often.

    I think this is too bad, because especially for those of us who are old enough to have grown up and met many people from many different places before the internet age, it is a fantastic way to keep in touch. But, not everyone agrees.

    He may just not be active on Facebook. Or he could have a lot of other things going on, either personal issues or mental health issues. But if he's not interested in being in touch, there's no way to force him. I've been in a couple similar situations and it sucks, but there's really not much I can do about it, other than make the initial overture.
     
  4. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Actually, he hasn't posted much in the last few months, but prior to that he posted quite regularly. The only activity I've seen recently is some game called Fantastica.
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ed...

    though it's a sad [non-]outcome, i don't get how that makes it an example of 'when being a friend on FB isn't such a good idea'... sorry for being dense, but what am i missing?

    love and consoling hugs, m
     
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  6. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Just referring to going in with an expectation that is ultimately not realized.

    Thanks, maia.
     
  7. TessaT
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    TessaT Contributing Member

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    This is the downfall of the internet age. Before Facebook, if you felt like reaching out, you would have contacts who knew him and would have called/written a letter/invited him out for drinks. Now the extent of reaching out is a message on Facebook. I'm not at all downplaying your actions of reaching out to him, but Facebook is not the connect-all that people want or expect it to be. I have it, and I rarely pay attention to it. On top of that, I've gone for months before Facebook will even tell me that I have a message in my Inbox.
    If you really feel the need to reach out to him and thank him, send him a letter. Give him a call. You don't know if he's purposely ignoring you, or if its as simple as not going on Facebook/checking messages.
     
  8. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    This I can understand. And perhaps a bit of having gilded memories tarnish just a tad? :(
     
  9. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    @TessaT - actually, without Facebook, I had no way of knowing where he was. So, ye olde double-edged sword.

    @Wreybies - no, the memories are there. It's just that some things aren't fully understood until there can be some adult perspective.
     
  10. MLM
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    MLM Banned for trolling

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    He's probably just wrapped up in whatever is going on now and isn't interested in going over things from the past. You are both different people now and it takes a lot of energy to assume the role of your past self to reconnect with someone who knew and appreciated that person. We all have people we remember perfectly well and wish well but don't have anything to say to.
     
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  11. Alesia
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    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    I've been guilty of being the other party myself. There have been several times where I get wrapped up in life, travel, get into situations where I have no internet access, etc... and my inbox is full of messages and alerts from months ago. Don't give up hope just because you haven't gotten a response yet. It may be coming, just a matter of patience on your part.
     

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