1. Joules03
    Offline

    Joules03 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2010
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada

    When your spouse doesn't really care

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Joules03, Jun 21, 2010.

    My husband is great, and supportive of my writing. He likes that it makes me happy, and lets me bounce ideas off him and hears snippets of my writing.

    The thing that is hard for me, is that he doesn't really care about it that much. I am so incredibly passionate about it, and I just want to share it with him, but it doesn't interest him. I know it's fine for me to have my own hobby that he isn't involved in, but I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME!!!

    I suppose that's what forums like these are for, right? Does anybody else have a spouse who is supportive but uninterested?
     
  2. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,880
    Likes Received:
    10,062
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    My hubby is supportive, but not really interested. He couldn't be payed to care about science fiction which is a little heartbreaking, but I have come to understand.

    It's just not his thing.

    My suggestion to you is that you remember that as a married couple there are things that should be yours. This is perfectly Ok, and needed in the long run. Not everything should be ours.

    Think of your writing as yours. It is your thing. ;)
     
  3. losthawken
    Offline

    losthawken Author J. Aurel Guay Role Play Moderator Contributor

    Joined:
    May 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Maine
    Yup,

    I have the best, most beautiful wife in the world. She supports my writing and listens when I absolutely HAVE to tell her something. But, I don't think she's read more than one or two snippets of what I've written.

    It doesn't bother me anymore, she just has a totally different personality than I do. Fiction and fantasy hold no interest for her, she likes cold hard facts. And that's what makes us a great pair, we are opposites but complement each other so very well.

    I don't want to force her to read something she won't enjoy anymore. I actually love her more when I think about our differences, because thanks to a lot of grace, we make a great team. :)
     
  4. madhoca
    Offline

    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2008
    Messages:
    2,527
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    the shadow of the velvet fortress
    My husband's English isn't really good enough for him to appreciate stories written in English. Says a lot about how good I am as an English teacher lol, we've been together 22 years and I only work as an English lecturer for a living!

    However, he enjoys it when I run through plots with him (provided I don't do it too much), and sometimes offers very helpful suggestions, particularly about technical things.

    He only started to take my 'hobby' seriously after I sold a couple of stories last year to magazines--he has a terrible one-track businessman's mentality, and is a total workaholic...

    And he doesn't understand why I don't just 'send off my novel to be printed'--it's not that hard for writers to succeed in Turkey since there are so few novelists here, and therefore less competition.
     
  5. izanobu
    Offline

    izanobu Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2010
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    It can be hard not to have support, but as others have said, you can always have (and probably should for a healthy marriage) hobbies and pursuits that are just yours. It's good that he's not actively disapproving though, I have some friends who have spouses that feel their hobbies or even careers are wastes of time, and it makes it very tough for them to keep the passion going.

    I'm super lucky. My husband believes in my writing career more than I do sometimes, and he's always willing to listen to me talk about whatever I'm reading or working on, as well as often having good ideas when I get stuck with something. He's also got a degree in psychology and has been studying various martial arts for years, so he's got good information for everything from personality disorders to fight scenes. It definitely helps :)
     
  6. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    be glad he isn't!... would you really want him to be reading over your shoulder, giving you all sorts of advice on what you wrote and what he thinks you should write, etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseam?

    you're blessed, woman, so for pete's sake [and yours] don't complain!

    use us for your 'interested ear' instead... we can't see over your shoulder and if you don't like what anyone says back, you can just ignore it and 'divorce' the clod with a simple click of your mouse... no attorney's fees!...

    and if you're ever in dire need of something more personal, as well, feel free to email me whenever the need to vent/babble is greatest...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  7. TWErvin2
    Offline

    TWErvin2 Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    561
    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    The truth is that nobody will care as much about your writing and your novels/stories/articles/projects as you do. Not your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, brother, sister, cousin, coworkers, agent, editor, publisher...okay maybe a crazed stalking-type fan, but other than that...

    Joules03,
    According to your post, your husband is supportive. He gives you time and doesn't totally ignore your works and efforts. He just isn't into it nearly as much as you are--and he never will be. Even if you become rich and famous off of your works, he will not be equally interested in your writing than you are.

    My wife is very supportive. She gives me time to write and do writing-related activities (crit group work, editing, book signings, conventions, etc.). She reads some of my works if I ask her to. She's well-read, and most of what I write she finds interesting. But I am also aware of her interests and responsibilities and limited time. Unless she asks specifically, I only request her to read something or offer an opinion if I'm really stuck. I know her strengths and weaknesses and what I can count on her for.

    Find a crit group, or writing partner, or a place like this (or any combination) to help you move forward and improve.

    Hang in there.

    Terry
     
  8. Joules03
    Offline

    Joules03 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2010
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    Thanks everyone - it's great to hear that there are others in the same situation. I am looking into some local crit groups, and I do have my sister who also writes to send my work too.

    Maia - I definitely don't want someone reading over my shoulder. Just sometimes I would like him to ask how my writing went today, or ask what I'm working on!

    And agreed that a healthy marriage needs each partner to have their own interests!

    Thanks guys.
     
  9. BUDDY GORGEOUS
    Offline

    BUDDY GORGEOUS Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Alaska
    Hey Joules03,

    Sounds a lot like me ...but, erm, without a husband :p. My folks and friends are supportive but none of them are really 'into it'. It's only to put a smile on my face i feel sometimes but they do rarely ask to read some of my writing and i get good responses (people here are so down to earth they are half way digging themselves to china; if im crap they will tell me in no uncertain terms, haha). And i wouldn't want them hanging on my shoulder like some parrot assessing my work 24/7 either :).

    I live in a large steel working town in South Wales where most folks are hard grafted blue collar joe lunchbox sort of people who work hard every day of their life to put food on the table and look forward to the weekends to down suicidal ammounts of beer and clash skulls playing rugby. Im the only guy my firends know who goes to work and boxing everyday and likes to read write in his spare time. I try to tempt them to read a book, that it's like reading an extra long Playboy without pictures. But nope, they won't touch one, the last book they've probably dipped into was 'The hungry catapillar' when they were three years old :p.

    Most of my friends now have joined the military or i don't get to see them much because their residency is soooo far away. I get pretty lonesome so i just write and read and train. It's nice to find a forum here where you can chat to people with the same passions and hobbies. I found a local writing group. FINALLY! people who have the same interests. I take a long walk to visit the place and find that the gate was wrapped up in heavy chains and trees growing out from almost every darkened window. :( . More dilapidated than a hobo's sock, never been so depressed in my life, haha.

    If your 'Other-half' isn't all that interested, no worries, people just have different interests. If my missus ever had a passion equivalent to mine but about stamps or thimbles then my interest would be extremely limited too :p. So it doesn't really bother me as much anymore, the only thing that bothers me sometimes is feeling like the only guy in the world who likes to read and write and has no one to have at least a five minute chat about it with or send some work to and they do the same. Can't find other writing groups close by so im happy i can visit the forum and chat to you lovely folks :D. Really appreciate it. Take care peeps, see you on the threads and keep writing.

    -Mark
     
  10. Lemex
    Offline

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    10,507
    Likes Received:
    3,151
    Location:
    Northeast England
    My girlfriend isn't interested, and is only distantly supportive.

    I don't mind it, we just different people who love each other - that's all.
     
  11. Sonata
    Offline

    Sonata Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    London, UK
    My OH can barely read! I gave up asking him anything after the first couple of times of him pretending to listen and nodding at me when I could tell his ears are really trained on the television or his thoughts on the computer game he has paused while he waits for me to get lost.

    Although that reaction isn't specifically in reaction to my writing but to anything that's not food or game-related in general
     
  12. MoonLoveBaby
    Offline

    MoonLoveBaby New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
    Hey love,
    I completely hear you.
    My husband loves seeing me writing. he actually gets visibly upset when I'm not.

    He's read the first chapter in my novel, but that's about it. He's not a big reader, hates it in fact, he's very visual instead.

    He loves that I can bounce ideas off him and tries to give me good advice, but as someone who doesn't much appreciate the work that I do and put into the books, (again as he doesn't read it), I find it difficult to want to voice things with him, or talk things over with him so that I can get some positive feedback from his side of things.

    That is, of course what these forums are for, and I will continue to use him as my creative inspiration, but I will know for next time that I shouldn't rely solely on him for he gets bored with it easily.
     
  13. Anonym
    Offline

    Anonym Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2010
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    10
    lol, at least you have a disinterested spouse.
     
  14. Fantasy of You
    Offline

    Fantasy of You Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    England
    Excluding those rare couples who meet in a secluded writer's lodge, our partners can only care (or pretend to care out of love, as the case me often be!) so much about us writing. That's what the forums are for, I think Joules hit the name on the head with that one. My girlfriend will entertain the topic for five minutes or so every now and then, but if I overdo it she gets that glazed look or simply tells me to zip it.

    - Andy
     
  15. Link the Writer
    Online

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2009
    Messages:
    11,214
    Likes Received:
    4,222
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    I agree. Tbh, I think it's great. While I don't have a wife, I have parents who probably wouldn't really care about my writing (one even jokes about it). Yet they do listen when I have an idea and give me hints.

    It's a personal thing. That's IT. It's your work, your hobby. It could always be worst. You could have an overbearing hubby who repeatly acts like he's writing the thing too. As long as he's not actively trying to crush what you love, it's totally fine that he's not hounding you about the writing thing.
     
  16. beeguardian93
    Offline

    beeguardian93 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2010
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    whoville
    i get you totally, my sister is always supportive but never reads my writings because she hates reading...most of the time. she's a horror person more or less the total opposite of me haha.
    but she does support me.
    i sometimes write these little kid stories though cause my youngest sister loves to read and write now too
    oddly enough she's nine and likes to write tragic short stories haha
    once again...total opposite of me
     
  17. Paul
    Offline

    Paul New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2010
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spring Hill, FL
    My wife hates to read and despises anything technical, so, since my writing is usually pretty technical I can usually scare her by just suggesting that I could describe something in detail... The funny side is that she has learned a lot of what I write about from being around me and uses it very well.
     

Share This Page