1. vanilla16
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    vanilla16 Member

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    Which of these sentences is correct? ^-^ And another question, too!

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by vanilla16, Mar 17, 2012.

    'Ello, :3

    Could you tell me which of these sentences is correct? :)

    She seemed intent on making me miserable.
    OR
    She seemed to be intent on making me miserable.

    A-and, BTW, is there a better way to write this sentence?
    She sat on the grass with her chin on her knees.


    Thanks! :-D
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    either way is okay grammatically and reads well... if you follow the 'less is more' axiom, then the first would be preferable... but if your narrator's 'voice' tends to the wordy, then the second may work better...


    yes... i'd try:

    She sat on the grass and rested her chin on her knees.
    or
    She sat on the grass, rested her chin on her knees.
    or
    She sat on the grass, her chin resting on her knees.

    ...in all cases, however, the repeated 'her' would annoy me, so i'd find a completely different way to describe her position... perhaps:

    She sat down on the grass, wrapped both arms around upraised knees and rested her chin there.
     
  3. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yes, I'd try to word the 3rd sentence so the 'her' isn't repeated. In the second example all the two-letter words annoy me: to/be/on, although I'm not saying it's incorrect.

    mamma, isn't that a slightly awkward splice? --> She sat on the grass, rested her chin on her knees. ??
     
  4. digitig
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    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

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    On the other hand, the wordiness of that would annoy me, and the repeated "her" in the earlier versions wouldn't. Like so many things in writing, I don't think it's a question of one way being "better", it's a question of different styles.
     
  5. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree with digitig

    The original:

    She sat on the grass with her chin on her knees.


    There is nothing wrong with that sentence and it provides a simple clear image. The alternatives seem to be very wordy ways of portraying the same image.

    I would maybe add She sat on the grass with her chin resting on her knees.

    It is down to the OPs style though.
     
  6. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    How about

    She sat on the grass, chin on knees.

    Too terse?
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I like that ChickenFreak.
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    as noted above, when there's no right or wrong in re the slew of suggested versions, it's all just a matter of style preference...
     
  9. CLM1188
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    CLM1188 New Member

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    As to which sentence is better, I think it happens to be a matter of preference. They are both grammatically sound with the only difference being three verbs (to seem, to intend, to make) in the former, and four verbs (to seem, to be, to intend, to make) in the latter. I say go with your heart on this choice. :)
     

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