Women, how do you flirt?

But that just sounds really... sad. Like that guy has had so little to no female contact in his life that he doesn't realise women have interests other than men... or maybe the guy has such low self-esteem that he can't fathom why anyone would find him interesting unless she actually fancies him?

Mind you, I once attended a church where the men there freaked out if you so much as spoke to them. (all right, I exaggerate. But they were very stiff if you just wanted to strike up a casual conversation.) They just did not know what to do with the female species... In their defense, I was quite... socially unaware - I would ask anyone and everyone out to coffee, including guys lol. But yeah, the guys in that church, awkward...

 

You flirt when you want to signal to the guy that you're romantically and/or sexually interested in them. It can be to initiate a more shallow rapport or a more serious relationship. You smile playfully, ask him questions to show interest, compliment him (he says he goes to the gym, you say it shows), maybe lead the conversation to naughtier waters, establish skin contact e.g. touch their forearm or hand, and if you're sitting and wear a blouse with a bit more generous neckline, lean forward, push/lift your front assets together with your arms (can't explain this very well but something I believe I did when I first met my now-husband). Of course, I was absolutely terrible, awkward and clumsy at this, imo anyway.

On a sidenote, I play with my hair when I'm nervous which made my hubby think I was flirting with this bank teller once. I never got the playwithyourhair -thing, but like I said, I'm a clumsy flirt-er.

 

I'm the wrong person really buuuuut....
According to my friends I flirt with everyone. I think this is because when I find something in common with someone I'll talk to them for hours on end about it, if I think someone is an interesting/cool person I'll do silly things with them and I'll laugh at anything remotely funny (also when I'm nervous I'll laugh too).
I enjoy company, which is weird as those who know me will say I love going for long walks on my own and hate parties but what I enjoy is sitting quietly by someone, murmuring about random stuff and having the odd laugh.

Me actually flirting consists of; letting them come up with silly/cool/clever stuff (usually I'm very bossy), adopting the 'square' with my legs (one leg down, the other over to that knee), inquiring about their taste in music and books and finally, giving them some random endearment.
I hope that helps a little.

 

@big soft moose won the thread for me.

@Mckk That doesn't always have to be a sad thing. Sometimes it might just be ignorance.

---

I tend to be quite cold with people I don't know. Takes me a really long time to warm up to them (like starting a 1990s Ford truck in the dead of winter).

However, it depends on my mood sometimes, and what the environment is. On an online forum or something I'm pretty open with people I don't know. If I'm drunk / buzzed, I also don't really care.

By "cold", I don't mean I'm a jerk. I just keep you at a distance.

The reason I'm sharing this, is I don't chase after game. I let the hunt come to me. If a girl shows interest and is flirting with me, game on, tango spotted. But I don't go out of my way; I just do whatever I can within my power to attract, and that's good enough for me. Play it cool, and don't even try.

Yet, when I do see potential, and if I do like a girl, I give it 110%.

 

Coupling, Season 1, Episode 2:

Sally: Patrick, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Patrick: Men?

 

I flirt very unintentionally. I don't think I know how to intentionally flirt. If I like someone I will find myself making jokes with them or complimenting them. Honestly, this question has got me thinking about how I even do flirt.

 

Sounds like me. Spooky lol.

 

With a few exceptions, every woman I've been close friends with for any length of time I've at least made out with. Sometimes it's years before it happens, but really, if you're already good friends and completely at ease with one another, sex should happen. This reminds me of the time my cousin from Canada was visiting, and... perhaps I'll leave that story for another thread.

 

It's sad in both cases, though... I mean, either way he's cutting himself off from interaction with almost 50% of the world's population (50% women minus the infinitesimal number of those women he'll sleep with).

If someone was unable to accept that black people could be interesting as human beings, we'd consider him pretty pathetic, right? It's just as pathetic when someone feels that way about women.

 

You're kind of self-contradictory here - you "do whatever I can within my power to attract" but you also "don't even try"? I think maybe the key word is playing it cool - you act like you're not interested, but you are?

There was a line from some Cameron Crowe movie back in the '90s... A man approaches a woman and says, "Sorry, I don't have a line, I just thought maybe we could get to know each other," and she says, "You do have a line. Your line is that you 'don't have a line'", or something like that. (Typing "line" that many times in a row makes it look really weird!)

 

Flirt? Geez. It's been a LONG time. So long I don't really remember specific techniques, if I ever had any.

I think if I wanted a guy to notice me and be attracted to me, I tried to be as interesting to him as possible in an honest way. (And tried to ensure I didn't have spinach stuck to my front teeth at the same time.) I didn't want to attract him for the wrong reasons, such as pretending interest in something I didn't actually care about, just to gain his attention. That gambit backfires very quickly.

I guess I wasn't much of a flirter. I always hoped the right guy would notice me, no matter what I did or what I looked like. Enough to get to know the real me. And that happened enough times that I stuck to the plan and let things evolve. I just tried to be myself, but also to be extra kind to him, and extra careful to notice HIM. There is nothing more pleasing than realising somebody else is paying close attention to what you do and what you say. Not in a creepy, stalky, unwanted way, but just in a person-to-person way. Everybody likes being noticed by people they like. And being respected and supported and listened to by people they like.

I never kidded myself. My face didn't scare children, but I also was never the kind of woman who sent men's hearts aflutter when I entered the room. I was always initially eclipsed by any good-looking women in my group. However, I think I'm the sort that can grow on you, if we are in tune.

 

Not that I don't think stalkers are dangerous, BUT...I find it interesting with so many people I know (mainly girls, but not always...and primarily during adolescence) that the difference between stalkery behaviour and flirtation can sometimes simply be that there is requited interest.

I think the main thing I've noticed occurring to me is a longer-than-usual gaze, followed by a smile, followed by looking away and immediately looking back with the same intensity.

 

Yes, and there's always that 6th sense that tells you a person just isn't interested, or not interested 'that way.' It doesn't have to boil down to them saying anything at all. If you sense a lack of response or a wish to be parted from your company, back off. Let them make the next move. If they don't, then accept that it's not going to happen and move on.

 

I see your point, but that isn't the situation I had in mind at all.

I have a friend who is confident and talkative and a genuinely lovely person who has no interest in pressing himself on people. However, when we talk to girls, they find him creepy because he's maybe not their type of attractive. Even without an approach, and not pressing for a 'yes' in the first place, they find him creepy and will tend to walk away or be uncomfortable. I've seen it in others, just not with such regularity. I see no other variable, except that she isn't interested, and believes him to be interested (even if not), and therefore extrapolates that as stalkery.

 

A simpler time perhaps, but I would not exist if persistence was a virtue my father lacked.

 

Ever feel like you opened a can of worms by asking a single question?

 

It's even better when you can come up with a good non-romantic reason for having the coffee. Something you've discovered that you've got in common that you might want to talk about, etc? I often ask people (male and female) to go for coffee whom I don't have any romantic interest in ...and we end up being friends, or not (as the case may be.)