1. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    Women who use suffocation as a means to control

    Discussion in 'Research' started by cydney, Oct 8, 2016.

    I wasn't sure where to post this so if it's in the wrong place please move it.

    I was thinking this might be good plot for a story if I knew enough about it.

    I've always been embarrassed to think I might be 'suffocating' someone, especially a man I'm interested, but I've noticed it doesn't seem to bother some women. So I did a little research on it. The first interesting article was a way to remedy it or stop it. The second concerns narcissistic personality traits. I'll start with the second.

    A narcissist constantly draws attention to herself at the expense of others. They feel entitled to it and become enraged when they don't get it. There's so much more in this particular article I'll post the link at the bottom

    Six subtle cues:

    1. React in an aggrieved way when they feel they've been treated poorly.
    2. Annoy you in ways you don't understand
    3. Don't feel the rules apply to them and break them in small, but consistent ways.
    4. Are not easily coached, if at all.
    5. Change schedules and appointments for no reason. My guess is this is a good way to control situations.
    6. Narcissists demand your attention because to them, it's urgent

    Since I've quoted some of the above verbatim I'll embolden them, etc.

    In the first article, which I just discovered I've lost, lol, there were suggestions for suffocating relationships. I'll find it and come back to this.

    The above article is from Psychology Today, Suffocating in a Relationship.

    I'll find the actual link and post it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2016
  2. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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  3. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    I also thought it might be cool, in a story, to use the actual act of suffocation as a means of murder. I'm not sure yet, though, if that would be a viable storyline. You'd think so! That and a little torture and stalking previous to the crime.

    I'll keep researching!
     
  4. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    See how polite I am. I've hidden my online status so as not to insult anyone. Take it from there....
     
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  5. SethLoki
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    SethLoki Unemployed Autodidact Contributor

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    If I'm reading you right I've seen this done to varying degrees; maybe these three could fit your inspirational bill:

    Play Misty for Me
    Fatal Attraction
    Misery

    I've just realised in all three my memory's submitted women as the antagonists. I can't work out if I'm inherently biased and have subconsciously picked up only those cues or whether there's a dearth of male suffocators (stalkers in the offing) out there in story form—and they've just passed me by.
     
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  6. Cave Troll
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    Cave Troll Bite the bullet, do your own thing. Contributor

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    Ah the suffocating partner, or the needy that can't help themselves.

    So basically you want your plot to revolve around a self absorbed person
    that has to have constant physical and mental reassurance, or give it?
    Well that sounds kinda creepy. Those types tend to turn into stalkers
    after a break up, or sometimes before a relationship has ever been
    established. The latter tends to objectify the person that they desire
    before hand and based on some strange emotional connection to them
    and then things get weird. Typically they build shrines of some sort
    in an effigy of the person of affection. Shrines can be made up of pictures,
    locks of hair, or other things that the other person owns (some times
    these articles are mimicking the ones in their possessions). Or any manor
    of things the person of obsession deems to be valuable from the objectified
    person.

    Good luck and happy hunting. :p
     
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  7. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    Yes! to both replies. I don't have time to comment fully right now, but I'll be back. Thanks to both of you for your help and understanding.
     
  8. Neliel
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    Neliel Member

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    I disagree. I don't think this is what @cydney wants.

    It is quite stalker-ish and creepy, but not very narcissistic. I think she wants more of a bossy/creepy/stalker than the typical alarmingly attached someone.

    I think I once read somewhere about a foreign film that starred a woman and her lover, whom she would control and push. She did indeed end up killing her lover with a belt around his neck -- suffocating him to death. The interesting part was that she did not realize what she had done and regretted it deeply. I don't remember the name of the film or if it would be helpful at all, but I can tell you what I got from what I read:

    1. The woman was truly controlling. She did not take no for an answer ever.
    2. She was kind of sweet, but always as a means to an end. You could see the iciness in her eyes (in my mind's eye).
    3. Her clothes were always extremely appropriate. Clean, elegant... She knew what to say and when to say it.

    You need to make a list of things that narcissistic and controlling people would do. Like, for example, their hygiene would be on point. And they would never yell, only plot -- thoughtful and yet getting all the attention.
    Also, you can either take the character into BDSM (hardcore) real quick and tip the table into murder, or you can take the character into the 'psycho' realm directly and plain make it about murder.

    I don't know... I'm throwing ideas at ya. But I honestly disagree with Troll about a narcissistic person making a shrine of sorts. That's just totally out of character for someone who is 100% full of himself/herself.

    Have you ever watched Hannibal (the series) by the way? I think that would help you. He's not bossy, per say, but he's truly narcissistic. And his attitude is complete serial killer.
    It's really interesting watching how a serial killer can be portrayed.
     
  9. Cave Troll
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    Cave Troll Bite the bullet, do your own thing. Contributor

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    @Neliel

    http://animanga.wikia.com/wiki/Yandere

    Also I don't troll people. If you are going to make a guess about why my screen name, try not to look like a simpleton.
    I go by Cave Troll for the simple fact that I like cool dark spaces, and am reclusive: Hence Cave Troll. :p
     
  10. Neliel
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    Neliel Member

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    @Cave Troll
    My guess at your name was me trolling. But if you'd rather make assumptions and consider me a simpleton, I don't mind at all. Simpletons have it easier, anyway.

    About the 'Yandere' term...
    My point was not that you described it incorrectly. My point was that I don't think that's what Cydney is looking for.

    P.S. I wasn't wrong about you being an introvert, then.
     
  11. Cave Troll
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    Cave Troll Bite the bullet, do your own thing. Contributor

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    Well then my apologies.

    The Yandere thing is kind of an extreme form of the OP.
    It kind of explains that it has been a thing since '86, and
    that it has become a more common term in more recent
    times. Manly due a popular online video game of the same
    name.

    So I think that is just as relevant as the rest of it is.
     
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  12. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    Please allow me to apologize & say I can't get to all these replies right now. BUT I did skim over them from work & no, the woman I mean is not charming in the least. She's insane and cruel. :)
     
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  13. Neliel
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    Neliel Member

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    Alright, then. Hats off to you.

    And no need to apologize. We are just sharing ideas and discussing/debating a bit.
     
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  14. Foxxx
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    Foxxx Member Supporter

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    Made me think of this music video (YouTube link). It came across to me as the reversal of the situation you were talking about.

    In my experience, men have typically been more physically suffocating while women are more mentally suffocating.

    I've explored this idea a little bit too. I wanted to write a thriller where a man committed suicide, and people thought it was linked to his fiance but could never prove it.

    Did her suffocation and narcissistic tendencies lead him to take his life? Even if they did, is that murder?

    Also, I would agree with the notion that narcissism doesn't correlate to stalking and making a shrine of somebody. I'm not saying a narcissist *can't* be a stalker or have a psycho, creepy obsession. Just saying that it's a non-sequitur.
     
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  15. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    I apologize for the way I'm dealing with this. Random thoughts are coming to me & that's when I mention them - just the way I am. I don't have a plot or a strategy for everything I do.

    That said, what I'm thinking is that a woman who stalks a man, won't leave him alone, makes a fool out of herself trying to take up all his time so that he can't think, and if he did want to be with someone else, by George, she's gonna mess it up - this type of woman can be nothing but a narcissist. The only thing that's important to her is what she wants, and she doesn't care how foolish she looks trying to get it.

    There are times I might attempt to look foolish to show a man how I really feel but only if I think it might be what he wants too. Otherwise NO WAY am I going out on that limb. The suffocating woman doesn't care how many times she's told no. He looks at her once and she thinks it's an invitation for marriage. Very painful to watch if you have special feelings for the man.
     
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  16. NoGoodNobu
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    NoGoodNobu Senior Member

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    Now I've dealt with female narcissists throughout my life, once as a "friend" (and boy did that backfire beautifully) and regularly with my aunt who is certifiable.

    My experience with actual "narcissism" is that it is manipulative & it is controlling. It is calculated (with only strong outbursts of passion when they've failed in their manipulations or after slipping up because it is impossible to be always on for extended length of times, particular with intimate relations they interact with regularly) and it is exploitative.

    I think this is different than the needy/clingy/suffocating individual. While they are selfish & self centered, they are nowhere near true narcissists.

    And I think that's the real key here:

    Are they selfish & self-centered (possibly with another psychological disorder in play)?

    Or are they true narcissists, with that particular disorder?

    Are you using "narcissism" as the Personality Disorder or simply as a synonym for selfish or egotistical individuals?
     
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  17. cydney
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    cydney Banned

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    Thanks @NoGoodNobu
     

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