1. Colleen Benjamin

    Colleen Benjamin New Member

    Jun 25, 2016
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    Pueblo, CO

    Working Out The Kinks

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Colleen Benjamin, Jun 29, 2016.

    Hey guys! Colly here! [​IMG]

    I've got my July NaNoWriMo Project all outlined. Character Profiles are done and I'm just making notes about the book and the series it belongs to while I wait for NaNo to officially begin. I'm really excited about this particular book because it's the best idea I've had in a long time and the characters are...well, I know them better than any other set of characters I've written. My problem lies in the idea itself. Now, this isn't one of those "would you read this?" posts. This is more of a "what do you like or dislike about this idea?" post. I need to know what people dislike about it and what they like about it so I can keep that in mind as I'm writing.

    Therefore, I'll give the plot synopsis below this and I'll just let you guys tell me what you think of it. Is there something you think doesn't fit? Is there something that you don't understand that should be easily understood from the get-go? Do the characters seem interesting or would you not care at all about them? Would you change anything about this idea?

    " Wynter Shade is a Necromancer, a witch with the power to bring back the dead. She's coming to the end of the Necromancer Training and is tasked with bringing back a dead person of her Mentor's choice. At the last moment, the night before she is to complete her task, her Mentor is murdered and the International Council of Necromancers sends her another Mentor to complete her Training. The man they send her is an odd man, nothing like her former Mentor. His name is Julian Devereaux and he seems to have an ulterior motive. On the morning of her task, Julian takes Wynter to Scotland of all places. In a cold, ancient graveyard, he points her to a grave and tells her to resurrect the woman in that grave. Wynter does as asked but the woman does not come alone. With her comes the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth, the only sorcerer more powerful than Merlin Ambrosius, Asterion Ambrosius. Asterion is Merlin's twin brother, the mortal enemy of Morgana and the potential savior of humanity.

    Julian is furious when he discovers that he has brought Asterion back with the woman he'd originally sought to bring back. The woman? Her name is Morgana. Morgana Le Fae. And Julian has just committed one of the biggest crimes in their world. Bringing Morgana back to life has been outlawed for centuries. It's why her grave site has been unknown for so many years.

    Julian disappears along with Morgana and Wynter is left in Scotland with Asterion. When the International Council of Necromancers finds out that Morgana has been returned to life, they are not surprised. Alistaire Kingston, the Council Head, tells Wynter and Asterion about a Prophecy given when Morgana was last killed. According to this Prophecy, Morgana' reign of terror will only come to end when the Dark Daughter returns.

    Wynter asks who the Dark Daughter is and why she's so important. Alistaire explains that the Dark Daughter is a girl written about in many prophecies. She is the girl with power of Morgana but the powerful of Nyx. When Asterion cuts into the conversation, he tells Alistaire and Wynter that Wynter is the Dark Daughter but that there is more to the story than anyone knows. He tells them that Wynter is the key to defeating Morgana, that she is the direct reincarnation of the Goddess Nyx, Goddess of the Night.

    The thing about his story is that Nyx all but disappeared from existence thousands of years ago. when Alistare tells Asterion this, the ancient sorcerer's face turns grim. She didn't just disappear, he says, she was murdered by Morgana. Morgana had hoped that, by killing Nyx, she could gain the Goddess' power. Unfortunately for Morgana, she was wrong. Before her death, Nyx managed to cast a spell that sent her soul into limbo. With her soul, went her power. Her soul, and her power, lay dormant for thousands of years until someone was born who was strong enough to handle Nyx’s soul. This person was Wynter. At birth, her soul merged with Nyx’s, though her powers were still dormant.

    If Wynter can tap into Nyx's dormant power, she can save the world. If she fails, Morgana's vengeance will burn the world. Amidst battling Morgana's forces and trying to access Nyx's power, Wynter finds herself falling in love with Asterion. There is something strangely alluring about the ancient Necromancer. Asterion is nothing like the legends say. The legends tell of a man whose heart has been turned to stone, of a man who was so unlike his twin that many thought him as evil as Morgana.Wynter sees none of that in Asterion. In Asterion, she sees a man with a dark past and a heart that only the right person can love.

    For his part, Asterion is falling in love with Wynter. Though in the past, his heart has been shattered - by the very woman who is now threatening to burn down the world - he knows that to hold himself back from love is a futile effort. Giving himself to Wynter is not an easy job, nonetheless, but it is something he knows he must do.

    Asterion is the only person alive who knows what Morgana is truly capable of. Though it’s been a thousand years since he and Morgana died, he remembers perfectly what she was like. He confides in Wynter that he knew Morgana better than Merlin had because they’d been lovers once, before Morgana’s true nature had been revealed. He knows firsthand just how cruel she can be, though he won’t tell her how he knows that.

    When Wynter’s home town is attacked by Morgana’s army, she and Asterion travel there to see what the damage is. They find the town in ruins and Wynter’s only remaining relative, her older brother Bryce, brutally murdered in their home. Wynter is devastated and buries her brother’s body in the backyard of their home. After Bryce is buried, she and Asterion return to the International Council of Necromancers’ Headquarters where they’d been staying in Scotland to tell Alistaire that Morgana has begun her attacks. Alistaire instructs them to begin recruiting other Necromancers to build an army to fight against her. Knowing that the only person other than himself strong enough to beat her is his twin, Asterion asks and is granted permission to bring Merlin back.

    Wynter and Asterion travel to southern Ireland where Asterion laid his twin to rest. With Wynter’s help, Asterion brings Merlin back. Merlin is at first confused about why he’s being brought back but almost immediately understands the gravity of the situation. He and Morgana have never gotten along and he is eager to defeat her. As they are traveling back to Council Headquarters, they are attacked by Morgana’s Army. Among her army of undead Sorcerers is Wynter’s older brother. Wynter is devastated to be forced to kill him again but she does it.

    After they return to Council Headquarters, Wynter goes to bed for the night. Asterion and Merlin retire to their shared room to discuss what has happened in Merlin’s absence. The next morning, there have been four more attacks. Five hundred people are dead and a further three hundred are in critical condition. They are alerted to the fact that another attack is in progress in southern Ireland and leave almost immediately to find that Morgana has done the unthinkable. She’s raised another ancient from his grave. Mordred is among the most powerful of the ancient sorcerers and they are suddenly aware that their chances of winning this war have just gone down. They defeat Morgana’s forces but Morgana realizes that Wynter is the one with Nyx’s soul and takes her hostage, leaving Asterion furious."

    I know it's kind of long and I apologize for rambling so much. I just really want to know people's hones-to-God reactions to it before I start writing. This way, I can work out any kinks before I start writing and realize they're there.
  2. FireWater

    FireWater Active Member

    May 29, 2016
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    I'll admit that I only closely followed to the point where Morgana got resurrected. Not because I was bored or uninterested (quite the opposite in fact!), but just because for me, that's a lot of details and information to follow closely all at once in one post. I was starting to get confused by all the details, and was re-reading certain parts to try and grasp everything, etc.

    I think so far it seems really interesting. I like how it starts off with her being about to graduate, having her mentor change, getting a sketchy new mentor, having to prove herself, etc. This is a big strength because it gives a lot of human interest that people can relate to, in the sense that even though readers' "real world" is far different, they can still relate to things like graduating from school and having to find a job, or having a new boss/teacher who could screw them over, etc. I love fantasy, especially the creepy kind, but fantasy also needs to have human relatability that takes place within the fantasy world, because people connect emotionally with human struggles that they can understand. A lot of sci-fi/fantasy authors written by newbies sometimes go on and on about these very alien fantasy concepts, but there's no link to human themes that people can relate to, which is why people often lose interest. But with yours, there's the element of similarity that will draw readers easily into your world.

    As far as things to watch for - Morgan's evil reign needs to be felt on a personal level, since I get the jist that she's the evil overlord whose reign everyone wants to avoid. A pitfall that a lot of writers fall into, is one where the overlord is detached and too vague in their evilness. Voldemort and Sauron both killed uncountable people and were awful objectively, but because they were shadowy and their crimes were vaguely 'out of sight, out of mind,' no one cared much about them. (Contrast that to Umbridge from Harry Potter, who is far more hated than Voldy, because we actually see her tormenting the favorite characters in a personal and sadistic manner).

    Morgana's reign has to show how her reign makes people suffer, not in an abstract Darth Vader way, but in terms that would make readers feel real empathy for her victims. For example, in Game of Thrones, we see clearly how the religious cult (can't remember the name right now, but the nutjobs who take over King's Landing) makes people suffer in real, tangible ways, through things like the Walk of Shame. Ramsay Bolton from GoT is hated not because of vague overlord crimes, but because of the horrible ways he tortured Theon Greyjoy.

    So make sure that if you're getting into a "dreaded tyrant whose rule must be stopped" theme, it's important that her effects are truly seen and felt up-close, not just objectively mentioned from afar, if that makes sense.

    Hope I helped! :)
  3. halisme

    halisme Contributing Member Contributor

    Mar 18, 2015
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    I read the first name and tuned out. It might just be a me thing, I'm really tired of "Awesome McCool" names.
    Cave Troll likes this.
  4. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

    Dec 30, 2010
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    A few loose ends:

    Julian - why did he want to raise Morgana, and where is he for the rest of the story? He kinda just vanished. Also, as a powerful necromancer, why didn't he raise Morgana himself? Why wait and instruct Wynter to do it?

    Wynter's brother - why didn't Wynter raise him back from the dead when she first discovered him?

    Raising Morgana is such a big deal and there are no consequences for Wynter for doing it? A bit odd.

    Lastly - delete the last powerful ancient who was raised from the dead. It's getting a bit repetitive. Morgana, the most powerful evil raised from the dead! Asterion, the most powerful ancient raised from the dead! Merlin, the only one equal to Asterion raised from the dead! Now, another ancient power, guess what? Yep, you got it! Raised from the dead! It's getting old.

    Also, if everyone can just keep raising folks from the dead, then this story is never ending. You kill Morgana and someone else can raise her back. Even if Wynter dies - who on earth cares? Some necromancer can just raise her from the dead and the story can continue.

    You need to include some kind of limit or some cost to the characters re the dying, raising from the dead thing, otherwise it's just, "Hey, my story is at a dead end. Raise them from the dead, problem solved!" It will feel contrived very fast, and there are basically no stakes.

    Having said all this, I actually think you have a really cool story there - but right now it doesn't work yet.
  5. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Automagic fire, you can't hide. :P Contributor

    Aug 8, 2015
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    Where cushoins are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    I agree with @Mckk, it starts to get a little repetitive. In a way it kinda reminds one of the the Terminator series, just minus the time travel and robots part. You could have an indefinite amount of story line considering if one person on either side gets killed, the other remaining could just bring them back creating a never ending saga. In effect you have created a no win scenario, given what you have shared thus far. Not sure how you can tweek this to work out for the good guys, but I think you will figure something out. Good luck to you. :)

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