worst opening lines?

Discussion in 'Word games' started by Pandemonia, May 27, 2014.

  1. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    sounds just like all your other posts
     
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  2. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

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    yes
     
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  3. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

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    The target, only known by the string of numerals tattooed across his forehead was to be eliminated by a single exploding bolt from the assassin's quiver, 'like an (exploding) orange bumpkin, ha ha ha' laughed the attractive assassin.
     
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  4. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    You're a natural...

    The Lords of Misrule have seized the forum at last.

    Me? I couldn't write a bad opening line to save my life.:whistle: And I DO try...o_O
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2014
  5. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Contributor

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    Chapter 1: Day at the Mall

    Isabella sat on the floor, her long legs crossed in a cross-legged sitting position, dressed in a tube top that revealed her slim, tanned arms while she was writing on her diary about her day at the mall where she had hung out with Chase, a blond, muscular, tanned football player with sky-blue eyes and white teeth, and her best friend, Jade-Jewel, who was slightly taller than Isabella with very long, tanned legs, but her hair wasn't of the same striking auburn shade as was Isabella's, which was her real haircolor. Jade-Jewel had mouse-brown root-regrowth, and she was always trying to hit on Chase, but Chase was only interested in Isabella even though Isabella wasn't as pretty as Jade-Jewel with her button-like nose and big, mysterious eyes.
     
  6. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Woo. That is truly awful. :pop:
     
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  7. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Wow, mine must be terribly clichéd, as no one gave me critique. :D

    KaTrian wins this thread, though.
     
  8. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

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    Yours was funny x and...well, I'd use it as a first draft...but...IT WAS MORE THAN ONE SENTENCE
     
  9. Mackers

    Mackers Senior Member

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    That sounds like something I would write. How depressing...You're in a bad state when your main POV has conversations with inanimate objects :(
     
  10. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

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    No, yours would be photocopier intercourse genre.
     
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  11. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I agree, although I rate @matwoolf a very close second ("...from each white asparagus tip of skin..." shudder).

    And I still have hopes for The Talking Toaster.
     
  12. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Nope, yours is bad too. I think I was just too stunned at the start of this thread to give feedback, till Selbbin swooped in with his bad good one ...the midget pooping ...couldn't get past that till Matwoolf arrived ...but you're right, KaTrian wins. Hers is easily the most ...erm ...realistic?
     
  13. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I noticed you didn't offer an entry yourself, @jannert. :twisted:

    BTW, The Talking Toaster is the first of a 27-volume series. When do I get my $100,000 advance?
     
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  14. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I did say I tried, but I just CAN'T write a bad opening line. :)
     
  15. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Oh, come on...let yourself go...:twisted::twisted:
     
  16. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Nope ... I'm saving it for my next book...
     
  17. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Is it a series?:D
     
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  18. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    As you will surely find out what happens to our main characters, a bunch of misfit miscreants sharing similar names (first and last) to people you might or might not know in a town (or city) you may or may not have heard of, in the second book; this is the flashback of one of the misfit miscreants, whose name will later be revealed, that explains the back story of the group of misfit miscreants that will soon be on a journey that will include three major conflicts: man vs man, man, vs nature, and, the one we all struggle with as we are all selves, man vs himself.
     
  19. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Not much of an opening, but it makes for a smashing query letter.
     
  20. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    Once upon a time, not long ago, there lived a fair maiden in an enchanted forest where all of the enchanted animals had become extinct and magic had died and was no more.
     
  21. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Ah, a children's story! Excellent. :twisted:
     
  22. peachalulu

    peachalulu Member Reviewer Contributor

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    Ursula didn't know how the Hell she got in trapped in a historical romance but she did and without a heaving bosom to hold up her florescent muumuu, yet seeing Duke Whatshisface approaching, she couldn't help feeling lucky because the hunk didn't seem to notice.

    Bumbles the hamster, alias Agent Dreker, dragged the match out of his coconut cabana in his wire cage and struck it, setting fire to the curtains, though he might burn in the escape the mad professor would be stopped!
     
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  23. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Actually these are fun. A little squirrely with the punctuation (or lack thereof) but a lot of fun. I especially like the hamster with the match. But I like hamsters anyway, so maybe I'm just your target audience.

    Squirrely? Hamster? Omigod ...I'm thinking rodent now...
     
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  24. peachalulu

    peachalulu Member Reviewer Contributor

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    Lol. Yeah, the punctuation is a mess. I probably needed to break them into two sentences.
     
  25. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Cue @minstrel!
     
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