Tags:
  1. wolferz
    Offline

    wolferz Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2008
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Harrisburg

    Would you Read this idea?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by wolferz, Mar 4, 2009.

    Here is a brief synopsis of what I want to write:

    I was thinking of a short story revolving around a girl realizing how crude and immature her "friends" are.. It would include imagery relating each character to an animal (Example: one friend was the leader who hated Jewish people and made fun of the size of a Jewish nose, but the narrator would note that this girl "friend" has a rather large, piggish nose and she was as selfish and hoggish as a PIG)...And the other girl reminded her of a snake, etc. She also could have a crush on a guy who she mistakenly believed he was reciprocating the interest, but turns out he looked her way all the time because there was a mirror behind her (narcacistic, very into looking at his reflection, into himself, etc.)

    Do you believe this could be a good read? Why or why not? How could it be improved?

    Plot-wise...There would be littke plot, more of a description of how the narrator realized that her friends were awufu and how she learned to move on.
     
  2. thirdwind
    Offline

    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    7,351
    Likes Received:
    2,891
    Location:
    Boston
    If it was well written, then I would read it. If it wasn't well written, then I wouldn't read it. Plot and/or ideas doesn't have much to do with it. It's all about the quality of writing for me.
     
  3. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no point to asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?

    (and yes, this is a template post, which should give you an idea of how often this comes up.)

    Never ask opinions on thr outline. Write the swtory, or don't. The outline - any outline - and five bucks might just get you a Starbucks coffee.
     
  4. architectus
    Offline

    architectus Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,796
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Ca
    I just read your idea, so yes :p
     
  5. bluejt2000
    Offline

    bluejt2000 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2007
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    4
    "... how the narrator realized that her friends were awufu and how she learned to move on."

    There's your plot, with the emphasis on the 'how'. Show me how she comes to realise this and how she learns to move on (don't just describe it), write it well, and I'll read it.

    John
     
  6. Rei
    Offline

    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    7,869
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Kingston
    No, I wouldn't, because of your use of "Jewish" nose. Unless you're writing a story in which racism is a central theme, or it is historically relevant, I don't want to see these kinds of comments.
     
  7. danny_bono
    Offline

    danny_bono New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    It sounds a good plot but it depends how it was written
     
  8. Aeroflot
    Offline

    Aeroflot Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    I might read it. It's not a bad idea, but then most stories I pick up and throw away are probably not bad ideas either, so it entirely depends up your skill to write.

    I don't know what you're getting mad about, his story is making fun of hypocrites and bigots.
     
  9. Rei
    Offline

    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    7,869
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Kingston
    wolferz is describing the noses that way, not saying, "The character is is antisemetic and says people with large noses have "Jewish noses"
     
  10. Aeroflot
    Offline

    Aeroflot Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    I don't know. Let him clarify it. But I believe he's saying that the leader "friend" who hates Jews is also the "friend" that has a big nose. That's why this "friend" is being called a pig, as in "you fascist pig!!" It's sort of like Hitler being Jewish and hating Jews at the same time.
     
  11. Rei
    Offline

    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    7,869
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Kingston
    That sounds very much like the writer is commenting on "Jewish" noses.
     
  12. Aeroflot
    Offline

    Aeroflot Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    It also sounds like he doesn't know what he's talking about, so I wouldn't worry too much about the way he's expressing himself ;)
     
  13. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Keep it respectful, folks. I agree that the nose comment was insensitive, but please don't compound it with insults.
     
  14. wolferz
    Offline

    wolferz Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2008
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Harrisburg
    I'm sorry if I offended people with the summary. I was in a hurry to write and did not get a chance to explain.

    My characters are based on people I know. The one female character basically comes off as very innocent and sweet, but the narrator eventually learns that this girl is quite rude and racist inside. The female character IS antisemitic and this comes out one day when she says something like: "Oh, I can believe he's Jewish. I mean, just look at his nose...I really don't care for them" under her breath. And the narrator realizes how terrible of a person the girl is, and cannot understand how she hides this antisemitic view from everyone else.

    The narrator, just like with all the other characters, has a tainted image of the antisemitic female and literally Visualizes her as an animal, a "pig." And later in the story, the narrator will describe the female this way based not only on her comments about Jewish people, but also on other qualities that relate her to a "pig" (like being greedy/self-centered, only thinking of herself, looking down at others, etc.)

    This is only one part of the story and I thought it was appropriate.
     
  15. Dr. Doctor
    Offline

    Dr. Doctor Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2009
    Messages:
    411
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Don't play too much on the animal imagery. Make it more subtle, because it makes the characters seem more real that way, when done right. Add some conflict, and make the other characters two-dimensional - like maybe one of them has troubles at home, or one of them was abused/molested, thus furthering their hatred/bigotism. Your choice. You've got a minefield of human tragedy to expose.
     
  16. pacmansays
    Offline

    pacmansays Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2009
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'd read it as a series of poems or a short story/ies but for a full novel probably not....

    The whole Jewish thing also seemed uncomfortable to be, i thought it was a dead and buried stereotype
     
  17. Rei
    Offline

    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    7,869
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    Kingston
    Well, wolferz, it sounds like you have those biases, too, even if it's not quite to the point of hatred, if you're going to refer to things like "Jewish nose" without acknowledging that it is stereotype. What you have to remember is that Judaism is a religion, not a nationality. There is a certain "look" that is often associated with Hassidic and Ashkenazi Jews, but have you ever heard of Safardic Jews? A Hispanic Jew looks just like every other Hispanic person. Japanese Jews are also just that, Japanese.

    It's fine to write a story about a racist person learning how wrong she is. If you're going to do it successfully, you have to recognize whether or not you have any biases, learn about the other cultures, in this case Jews, and respect them.
     

Share This Page