Writing a fight scene in a story

Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by ABMiller86, Sep 1, 2008.

  1. alvin123

    alvin123 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2008
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FLORIDA
    You're the best! This example made it much more clearer to me, then any other that i've seen. BUt yes, fight scenes are starting to sound even much better than the goodness that they've had already :cool:
     
  2. TwinPanther13

    TwinPanther13 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
    Messages:
    406
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Dallas
    Captain Kate

    Thanks for pointing that out. This is actually a rough draft though. Corrections were made for the final. I always appreciate a critique.
     
  3. captain kate

    captain kate Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2008
    Messages:
    879
    Likes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Cruising through space.
    Your welcome, Twin! Unless it's a story that lives completely in someone's head, then making things sometimes more vague then direct allows you to build up your own idea of "what happened." I do the same ting describing Kate...other then telling you she has raven-colored hair, big, expressive blue eyes, and is five foot six inches tall, I let the reader make up what they want her to look like. Does she have tatoos? To me, no, to a reader possibly yes...
    I could be wrong, and I'm open to being corrected, I think it allows the reader more "input" into the story then they normally get...by letting them picture who they want "Kate" to look like, per se.
     
  4. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    I feel TwinPanther's fight seems to take place in S L O W . M O T I O N. The description is overdeveloped, and the action loses its snap accordingly.

    No one sees that much detail when the action is fast and furious. Belay the adjectives and adverbs for the most part, forget thge analysis until afterward.

    Samuel hit the ground and rolled. John's leap fell short; his feet struck the ground where Samuel had rolled away.

    Samuel leapt into the air, and John tried to follow. Samuel remained just out of his reach, so Saunders tried to blast him instead and missed. Samuel grabbed John's fist and squeezed, and felt bones crack.
    [etc]

    Keep sentences short and direct, like the action. You can use vivid verb choices instead of adjectives and adverbs to brighten the imagery. But whatever you do, pay attention to the pace.
     
  5. Scarecrow28

    Scarecrow28 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2008
    Messages:
    492
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    That's Classified
    One thing I do, besides watching action films, is actually simulate the movements while sitting with my hands. I did martial arts for eight years or so, so I have a decent understanding of what works and what doesn't, but being able to actual SEE what happens makes it a lot easier to translate your ideas to the page.
     
  6. Wastelander

    Wastelander New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2008
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't just focus on two people in a spar. Show their surroundings, how they are feeling, their reactions. It doesn't need to just be he hit she dodged he slashed she blocked...etc.
     
  7. AnonyMouse

    AnonyMouse Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2008
    Messages:
    2,332
    Likes Received:
    392
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    A lot of people have said this in some form or another already, but I'll repeat it for emphasis: don't assume a fight means mindless action. Two people trading blows can be just as revealing as any dialogue. The way they fight should reflect what they're fighting for, how they plan to reach it, and most of all who they are. Who is the agressor? What tactics are being used; brute force, precision, guile? Which character(s) is/are willing to cheat or accept help? You can learn a lot about a person (and yourself) in a fight.
     
  8. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    36,161
    Likes Received:
    2,827
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    I don't really agree with this. It dilutes the focus and slows down the pace. Yes, if one is wounded, his attention may be sucked in to that searinng pain in the slashed leg, but he will still be fighting for his life. Show that struggle to keep his attention where it needs to be/

    Keep the focus tight on the action, and the writing disciplined.
     
  9. captain kate

    captain kate Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2008
    Messages:
    879
    Likes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Cruising through space.
    exactly! You can show who wants to/or doesn't want to fight before the fight gets started. If you have a character who is not really wanting to fight the people, have the comment made before the fight gets started...once its' started, it needs to be mainly the action and how they feel, etc etc.
    Try to keep some of the descriptors vague for the reader to interpret.
     
  10. captain kate

    captain kate Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2008
    Messages:
    879
    Likes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Cruising through space.
    here's what I mean:

    Catching a glint of metal in the corner of her eye, Kate twirled to her right, trying to parry the move she hadn’t seen. The move she made was good, but not quite fast enough, the trajectory of the woman’s slice altered not blocked. Kate gasped as she felt the sharpened blade cut through her jumpsuit along her side, slicing into her skin.

    “Oh God ” She screamed, the pain blossoming from her side, as she could feel the blood starting to run. Pain was nothing she was unaccustomed to, but this wound hurt worse then anything else she had suffered.


    note that there is no particular "specifics" to the move other then the blow to Kate's side...was it diagonal, horizontal, vertical? I left those intentionally to the reader to make their own mind up on, allowing them to feel like they were a major player in the fight. You don't want to do every single thing for the reader or they will get bored.
     
  11. captain kate

    captain kate Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2008
    Messages:
    879
    Likes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Cruising through space.
    like here's a small bit from a fight scene I'm currently working on:

    Kate lashed out the palm of her hand, which the woman before her blocked with lightning quickness. Kate barely had the time to brush away a driving kick from the woman’s foot, her abilities in martial arts far better then Kate’s. Grunting with effort, Kate ducked under a fist aim for her face, lashing out with a backhand in return.
    Before she knew it, Kate felt herself flying through the air, striking the metal decking with a teeth chattering blow. Tasting blood in her mouth, Kate rolled herself up to the balls of her feet, eyes blazing at the woman before her. For all of the effort Kate had been putting into the fight, the other woman wasn’t even breathing hard!
     
  12. Cardboard Tube Knight

    Cardboard Tube Knight New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2010
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    1
    Fight Sequences

    To me, the most difficult thing to write is fight sequences (action in general is hard). Not only do I have very little experience writing them but I have very little experience even reading them. I mean fights of pretty much any kind, but mostly hand to hand or gun battles. They're all on smaller scales and there's not going to be any of those Lord of the Rings Helm's Deep type fights, just two or three people. And I feel better with gun fights, but even then some variety and some examples of what people do would be nice.
     
  13. ap Oweyn

    ap Oweyn New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Northern Virginia, USA
    I'd avoid choreographing a fight scene in writing. I've practiced martial arts for about 26 years and have a deep appreciation for combat sports (e.g., fencing, MMA, boxing, etc.), martial arts movies of all sorts, etc. But reading a densely choreographed fight scene is like eating stale toast. Difficult and totally not worth it.

    Movies, even comic books, are visual mediums. The choreography matters. But in written word, I'd rather have a minimalist approach. I recommend reading RE Howard (Conan being the obvious example) to see how to pace and detail fight scenes. I don't need to know precisely what sort of parry the hero used, where his feet were as he blocked, or what the specific technique name for it is. I'm perfectly happy knowing that he knocked the blow aside and buried his long sword in the other man's shoulder.
     
  14. Cardboard Tube Knight

    Cardboard Tube Knight New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2010
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    1
    I think that when action is the climax, its a bit of a cop out to gloss over it. I'm sure you can write it so its both interesting enough and accurate enough. Until now my action scenes have been sparing because they haven't allowed much room for hand to hand. I did have a fight between two women, one wielding a knife and the other with a cutting board. But it was kind of short lived.
     
  15. Zieki

    Zieki New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    I tend to agree with Cogito on writing fight scenes. Keep the sentence short and fast paced just like the fight itself. As a participant in a fight you have to realize that you're not going to be noticing the crumbling buildings around you or the shocked expressions of others' faces. If you have no experience in fighting, think about any sport that you've played. When you're going to tackle someone in football you don't notice the coach yelling on the sidelines or even your teamate two yards to your left - you see the man you're going to tackle. You don't even think about how you're going to tackle him, it's all instinct. The same with fighting; its quick and when its over you probably don't remember half of what happened. Furthermore, when fighting you probably brush aside all but the most major injuries. The testosterone pumping through you pushes all those thoughts to the back of your mind. Again, think sports, you'll get a ton of bruises during a game and not even feel them until you're taking a shower afterwards.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice