1. pianodog
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    pianodog New Member

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    Writing a foreign character?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by pianodog, Dec 17, 2015.

    My character, Kijn is from another world, essentially like another dimension not a planet. He thus has an accent and speaks funny. But he is the main support character and while I do not mind readers laughing at his accent, I do not want him to be taken to be stupid or silly. He is a pretty serious minded character. I thought I would post this dialog between him and the protoganist, Finny Larkwool.


    Kijn is still messing with the papers she feels something and sees a pencil fall off her ear she barely catches it and takes a sigh of relief still watching him. He doesn’t seem to notice her at all. Keep in mind, this is a graphic novel script, it isn't an actual page. I'll also throw in the Kijn is an anthropomorphic dog like character.

    I don't know if his dialog is too weird to be taken seriously, should I tone it down a bit and give him slightly better grammar?

    BEGIN HERE:

    Kijn smells her. “You’re not a very good hider, I’ll give you a leaving chance before I kill you.”


    Finny’s heart jumps ten feet as anxiety and adrenaline kicks in. Finny mutters “shit!”


    Finny figures she has to reveal herself anyway to talk to him but she better do it before he takes her as dangerous.


    “No no no, I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t try to kill me.”


    Kijn: “Oh no, it’s you.”


    Finny: “Uh huh J, I’m Finny nice to meet you, um Kijn is it?”


    “How the hell did you find this place?!”


    “A friend told me where you were.”


    “Who knows brains of this place… Oh my god, scrum, I told him to NEVER tell any peoples about this place.”


    “Well he did cuz I was a bit persuasive.”


    “Why did you come here?! Dammed it, this reason is why I NEVER tell other peoples about this place. Well now that you found here, if you would kindly go back to wherever you comes from.”


    “Uh actually I needed your help with something!”


    “My help?! Ugh, I already told you of how I do not help people?!”


    “Well, you saved me, isn’t that helping?”


    “Let me repeat-speak what I said, I do not deal with the affaris of humans. If one is being attacked I’ll probably save them but I do not deal with them directly.”


    “Well I really need you to help me with something and I don’.”


    “Really? Well I’m sure someones else can helps you with it, whatevers be the problem.”


    “No you don’t understand…”


    “No, you don’t understands! I do not wrap myself within the affairs of you small-eared creatures.”


    Finny notices his face.


    “You really aren’t human, oh my god…”


    Kaen hides his face


    “No I’m not, I come from not this plane of existence. Er, this world? Is that sound in the right, you make, for that meaning?”


    “Us?” “You mean there are more people that look like dogs?”


    “Dogs? Is that meaning to be a racial joke?”


    “No no no, I didn’t mean it like that, but the way you look is fascinating to me. You’re like an alien. I don’t mean that in an insulting way, you’re like a puppy dog.”


    “Well, I don’t likes it, this is the reason in I do not deal with your type, you judge me as a freak, or an animal.”


    “Another world? Like another planet?”


    Kijn: “Ugh, it’s like, you can’t go to the place with a space rocket thing, you can’t get there with a car or a train or a plane. Get it? ”


    Finny: “Oh so like another dimension? That’s freakin awesome, considering this isn’t your native language, you speak pretty ok. I would say it’s ridiculously illogical but then again, my entire day hasn’t made one lick of sense.”


    “Just, close your mouth, leave, I’m busy.”


    “No, I need your help.”


    “Are you blind in the ears? I said leave, I’m not a helper with humans!”


    “So that’s it then?”


    “Yes”


    “Fine, I guess I’ll try to find someone else…”


    Finny starts to cry, she sits down on the ground.


    Kijn: “Sigh, please do not do this.”


    “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, I do not know what is going on, I’m lost. My family is probably gone forever.”


    “I’ll never see them again.”


    “Please Kijn, I’m begging you, I know you don’t like the help humans for some reason, but I’m asking you, to help me. I know nothing about the crazy stuff if you don’t help me… ”


    She sort of breaks down a bit “I dd-on’t know where else to go…”


    Kijn: “Sigh, I…”


    “They just vanished, and no one remembers them, like they never even existed.”


    Kijn’s ears perk up. “Vanished?” Is that meaning like “Erasing?”


    Finny wiped her eyes: “I guess so.”


    Kaen holds up an eraser. “Meaning like this?”


    “Um, basically it’s the same..”


    “They were erasered!”


    “Wut?”


    “Some er, object had to be erasered.”


    “What do you mean!”


    “Ripples of energy! Your, er, family had been erasered, then, er, they are not here now, there was a ripple in reality which erasered them. ”


    “You’re not making any sense, man.”


    “You peoples have an old saying that goes er, ‘Matter cannot be created nor destroyered, but only change in form.’ ”


    “I assumes thats an old proverb or something, but it explains that your family probably has been changed into another aspect of reality. They have been traded out for another thing.”


    Finny: “What? You mean their I dunno, existence has been changed into something else? How is that possible?”


    “So, my guess is that your family has been erasered in that, only you remember them.”


    Finny becomes anxious


    Finny: ”So then… This isn’t a dream is it?”


    Kijn: “No it’s not, this is the real life.”


    Kijn: “My confusion here being that I don’t grasp a good understanding of why you remember them but no one else does.”


    Kijn: “I would have a suspect that since your family was erasered, the reality should have rewritten in the way that you do not exist.”


    Kijn: “Yet you’re standing directly from me.”


    Finny: “You talk kinda funny.”


    Kijn: “Well I’m sorry my mouth be cannot… talk in a properly way to you, your language is hard to speak for me.”


    Finny: “Oh I’m sorry, dude, it’s just, I mean your accent doesn’t sound half bad, but your grammar could use some serious work. Honestly, I’m surprised you can speak this well, I’ve never ever come across an accent like yours before, it’s kind of cool.”


    Kijn: “Half bad? Is that meaning that I sound fully bad?”


    Finny: “No, man, half-bad means uh… When we say it’s not half bad, we mean that it’s pretty good.”


    Kijn: “Hmm, I just do not have a grasp of everything.”


    Finny: “So this thing with my family is like a level 1 modification thing?”


    Kijn: “Hmm? How do you know about that?”


    Finny: “Scrum told me.”


    Kijn: “Right, sigh…”


    Finny: “They really are gone…”


    Kijn: “This may explain something bigger is happening on here.”


    Finny: “There have been level 2 glitches popping up all over the place. What you are conversing to me is level 1. Level 1 glitches cannot be fixed…”


    Finny: “You mean they’re gone forever?”


    Kijn gets an idea.


    Kijn: “Actually, there is a way.”


    Finny: “Really? What is it?”


    Kijn: “Well, in order to reverse a level 1 Glitch, you would need to first fix the minor level 2 glitches.”


    Finny: “Oh ok, so if those are fixed then my parents will come back?”


    Kijn: “Yes, I can get them back in the universe, but you have to be a helper to me. I need you to help me find these level 2 glitches.”


    Finny: “Yeah, I’ll help but, Um, dude, I don’t really have any combat skills.”


    Kijn: “You will not be inside danger, Finny. You merely will be my associate helper. I need someone for conversing with other small eared creatures so that they may have trust.”


    Finny: “You just need me to talk to other humans? That seems kind dumb, can you not do it?”


    Kijn: “Finny, look at me, how can I converse to humans. They do not understand Relar’s appearances, they will think me as a freak. You feel in mind that you would be comfortable conversing to humans if you looked like me?”


    Finny: “Oh, I guess you have a point.”


    Kijn: “So if you can be a helper for me, I can helper for you.”


    Finny: “Ok sure dude, that works.”


    Kijn: “Good well but understand something, this is a world you have no brains about, let me do what I need to do to, do not bug me about things, got it?”


    Finny: “Ok….”


    Kijn: “Then this should be smooth then.”
     
  2. Lew
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    Lew Contributing Member Contributor

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    Actually not bad. Captures the idea that he speaks oddly, and becomes his voice.

    I did something in several places in my WIP. A centurion speaks a fractured soldier's Latin, that I kind of captured as cockney-esque, slurred and bad grammar. That is his voice, when speaking Latin; his Greek is excellent. Arabic characters speaking Aramaic use a kind of King James English, thou sayest, etc. Chinese speaking Latin (just one) speak a kind of pidgin, since pidgin actually reflects Chinese grammar, or lack thereof. A Chinese speaker would have a real problem with Latin grammar and would probably just drop it entirely as something totally beyond his comprehension. And as my Roman and Arabic characters find themselves having to master first Chinese, then Bactrian, there is a period where they are clearly struggling to make themselves understood, searching for words, etc.
     
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  3. pianodog
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    pianodog New Member

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    Oh ok thanks! I'm glad he's coming across how I wanted him to sound. : )
     

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