1. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    Writing Sex/Love scenes

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by big soft moose, Aug 3, 2016.

    I figured i'd post this here rather than in erotica as i'm not writing for the genre , or at least not intentionally.

    My problem is that i seem to vacilate between writing like a victorian prude "reader I fucked him" and writing oil soaked nudity which would have EL James looking for a cold shower.

    Ideally I need to be in the middle - my characters are basically soldiers (of both sexes) and we all know the biological imperative that comes from being exposed to killing and death, so when they do get it together its not so much tenderness and emotions as sefvicing a basic animal need ... but at the same time i want the book to be suitable for mainstream viewing, not despatched under a plain brown paper wrapper from playboy
     
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  2. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    Tell me when you have solved this problem. I am far off from this kind of scene, I figure about 100k, but somewhen it will happen ;)

    I'd probably go with less-is-more. I have so far written one such scene (which will never appear in my WIP now) and got good critiques. I started with basics, and then fleshed out for impact. And I have stayed away from too much physical descriptions. If you want, PM me.
     
  3. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    To give an idea of what i'm working with

    "Danny could feel the cold gritty rock behind him as a counter point to Keri's hot tongue as it slid south across his stomach , jesus but this girl knew how to persuade a guy, twining his fingers in her hair as she moved southward , fuckinell what a way to make guard duty pass quicker... "

    This particular scene is about to be interupted by the arrival of an RPG , which shows the un wisdom of getting distracted on guard duty , and turns danny to "hot screaming chunks of meat, whilst blowing Keri off the guard tower not badly hurt, but drenched in his blood and seriously messed up in the head ... in one draft i had her still have his cock in her mouth after she lands, but binned that as a little too gross.

    It also opens the door to various soldier humour about a "blow job to end all blow jobs" and " when you go with her the earth really does move"
     
  4. Lifeline
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    Lifeline The Dark - not in Wonderland Supporter Contributor

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    Honestly, I don't see what you are so in knots about. Okay being blown to bits during, and maybe copious descriptions of that would be a little too gross (as you said yourself), but the rest? *shrug*.

    You ARE writing for adults, yes? ;)
     
  5. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    yes its definitely too violent for non adults, thing is that is one of the milder scenes ive come up with - and i think where i really struggle is with the more tender scenes, for example towards the end of the book my MC (a chap called Ben "the blade" Gibbon) is supposed to get together with Keri , which is supposed to be the first time she's been with anyone since the whole RPG interuptus moment which happens right near the start, so it probably shouldnt descend into three or four pages of utter filth ... but ive tried to write it three times and thats where it keeps ending up.
     
  6. Cave Troll
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    Cave Troll Bite the bullet, do your own thing. Contributor

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    Based upon what I have read so far, with the 3-4 pages of 'utter filth' as you put it. There is an underlying intimacy between the characters, despite it just being a simple wam-bam-thank you ma'am sort of thing. After all sex at face value is one of the most physically/emotionally intimations between two individuals, that allows them to be vulnerable as well as connected strongly. One sort who could go on and on with out putting any vested value would be a prostitute, but you are dealing soldiers. Soldiers share a sense of commradery, which bonds them together into a tight knit group. Also based on what you have presented, it would be simpler to limit the amount of depth into the sex if the characters are strongly divorced from normal mentality based upon combat exp. The colder the individuals are in regard to circumstance, would be able to engage in animalistic urges easily without attachment. So the more hardened the soldier, the less need for emotional investment. Such encounters are brief and only physically gratifying, with no lingering sense of euphoria once the engagement is done.

    Shorthand: Quick and dirty romp should only take half to a full page, maybe a little more. Think of the sex like a Blitzkrieg, fast, aggressive, and over quickly.
     
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  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I'd say the important thing is to stay in your 'writer's voice' for sex scenes, same as any other scene. Don't overthink it, just write it in a way that feels natural, and stay in your POV character's head. If he's presented as a rough, crude guy throughout the rest of the story, he'll probably feel and act out his sexual scenes the same way. If he's a thoughtful and sensitive person, he'll also stay in character during his sex scenes. If he's selfish, his sexual experiences will probably reflect that. If he is the sort who cares about other people, he will be mindful of his partner's feelings and experience. Try to stay in character, and don't worry about what your audience is going to think. At least not at this stage.

    I'd say just write what feels natural FOR THE CHARACTER. Think about what these scenes are supposed to show about your character. Get it out there. You can edit later, after your story is finished and you're into revising.

    I think the biggest mistake writers can make is treating their sexual scenes as somehow different from all the others. Try to see it as a seamless part of your characters' lives, and I think it will become much easier to write in a manner that doesn't feel either hyped or restricted.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2016
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  8. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    Thanks guys , I rewrote the scene above (blowjob interupted by RPG fire) last night, and I've gone back to the "fuckinell sarge she's still got his cock in her mouth" bit, as gross as it is I think it works for the plot (in essence the other unit survivors blame Keri for the attack that killed various of their freinds as theres no doubt she was ahem 'distracting' her colleague on guard which contributed to the outpost almost getting overun )

    Thinking about the latter scene between blade and keri i'm leaning towards not actually needing to describe the sex at all - the important point is that their getting together is emotional and therefore different to the usual stress relief that the soldiers engage in .. given that they actually care about each other it probanly isnt appropriate or necessary to get into 'hump fest part 22'
     
  9. halisme
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    halisme Contributing Member Contributor

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    Instructions unclear. Did the Schlieffen Plan instead and involved Britain in the war.
     
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  10. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I try to write sex scenes with the same honesty I write everything else. Motions and emotions. I don't really think about whether or not it's inappropriate for an adult reader or too graphic as I try to write them the way the characters experience them. If they're in a hurry or angry, they pay attention to different things than when they're calm and have all the time in the world. I don't mean to gross anyone out, but I tend to tap into my own experiences as well. It's not necessary, but I find it helpful. Then add to that the character's personality, orientation, and sex, and if it turns out freaky cos the character is freaky, so be it.

    I realize I could go about this in a more market friendly way, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get away with it...
     
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  11. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    If the RPG does enough damage for an appendage to be amputated from the main body, how does she survive in such close proximity to the explosion?
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2016
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  12. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I assume she bites it off in her shock?
     
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  13. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    I also have some scepticism about the "cock still in her mouth" issue - it seems far too tidy an amputation to be achieved by an RPG without killing her too, and the biting it off thing seems as if the timing wouldn't work - I don't think it would be a quick nip to bite through something like that, and I don't think she'd have had time to gnaw through it before being blown away.

    Also - breathing? if it's far enough into her mouth that it doesn't fall out, if there's some swelling in her facial area, which surely there has to be... she'd have trouble breathing, wouldn't she?

    ETA: Oh, but what I was really going to say is that I think there should be a balance between scenes. If you skim past most scenes without much description or detail and then spend a lot of time on the sex scenes, I think the balance would be off. If you go in-depth and detailed on most of the other scenes and then skim the sex scene, again, balance off. It wouldn't feel smooth, to me.
     
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  14. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    She's below the lip of the sangar because she's on her knees so when the RPG impacts on the lip of the viewing slit all the shrapnel and most of the blast goes over her head (Donnelly takes the vast majority of it through his upper torso)

    I've currently got her hitting the ground still orally attached to donnely's lower torso after he's been ripped in half, which is how she's found by the men fighting on the ground (who would remove it swiftly thus removing the issue about breathing)

    I'm not absolutely wedded to it as it is a bit gross, but if i remove it i need to think about how the guys on the ground know that she was 'distracting' Donnelly moments before the attack begun - which they need to in order to blame her which is plot essential.

    Incidentally RPGs are odd things, I've got a colleague who was in a room in Al Amarah , Iraq in 2003 when an RPG was shot through the window and impacted on the back wall - the only injury he suffered was a perforated ear drum from the blast , the soldier standing next to him, about 2ft away, took a shit load of frag and nearly died
     
  15. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    On Bay view's latter point, I spend a lot of time on the combat sequences - I've got a lot of friends in the forces so i'm happy with the gritty detail of infantry fighting at close quarters - so i guess the sex ought to be similiarly graphic , although not enough to be X rated
     
  16. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Would she be biting into his wiener after he's been torn in half? And wouldn't it go limp pretty quick and just slide out, unless she's actually biting hard? Or will the force of the impact jerk him away from her?

    If the other guys find him with his pants around his knees I guess they'd guess what was happening? Although he could be taking a leak and even if his dick was mangled, Keri could say it was hit by shrapnel.

    Could someone see them at it? Would she tell her friend about it, feeling guilty and whatnot, and the friend blabbers?
     
  17. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    These are good points - thinking about it i suspect that if you fell 25ft or whatever you wouldnt stay attached anyway. May be I'll have her blab it while she's in initial shock - word of that sort of thing would get round a combat unit pretty quickly and probably be exagerated in the retelling.

    The other thing i wondered about was having one of his hands still in her hair - that might be more plausible because if a hand was torn off by the blast the fingers would go into spasm and if they were already gripping something they could well stay attached to it
     
  18. Mumble Bee
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    Mumble Bee The writer formerly known as Chained. Contributor

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    A lot of commands have it so that guards are required to be male/male or female/female to dissuade this sort of thing in the first place.
     
  19. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I suppose this could happen, especially if women are allowed to wear their hair long-ish in your military. I mean, my hair gets tangled up so easily if the conditions aren't just right I could very well see all kinds of stuff get stuck in there; a severed hand, small animal, Morris Mini, wind turbine... anything.
     
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  20. big soft moose
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    big soft moose Active Member

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    He's supposed to be on guard alone - she is just ahem 'persuaduing' him to grant her a 24 hour pass.

    I'm aware that a lot of women in the police/armed forces/ various similar proffesions would never do something so skanky as it would totally undermine their role as equals, however i'm also aware that there are women who will use their looks and shall we say talents to further their interests .... i vividly remember interviewing a girl a some years ago who was extremly explicit about how grateful she'd be if i hired her ( I didnt i hasten to add)
     
  21. ddavidv
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    ddavidv Contributing Member

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    Appendage in mouth discussion aside...

    On the original question I think my friend @jannert nails it. You have to write in a fashion consistent with the character/story. I struggled mightily with this in my gritty thriller which has several sex scenes between the MC and her opposing male forces. Its not so bad that its porn...and it isn't really erotica because the story isn't about the sex. But my character is a woman from a very rough background and acts out through sex. The scenes have to be a bit crass to make the reader uncomfortable so that they really understand my character. I wrote them with much difficulty, then tried to pare them down from NC-17 to PG-13. That wasn't working, so I left them as-is. Self publishing allows me the latitude to do that.

    I recently read a book where the MC and the Evil Other Character had a very physical relationship. It was central to the plot of showing how Mr Evil was truly disturbed. The author chose to gloss over the sex scenes...so much so I had to re-read parts to figure out if they had actually had sex! It ruined the story because it was dishonest. I write more about it and my struggle with writing 'dirty' stuff in some of my blog entries: https://davidwittlingerauthor.wordpress.com/

    If you feel like you are forcing it you are probably doing it wrong. Truth isn't always pretty, so don't try to package it as something it isn't. Sometimes crude and risque are called for.
     
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  22. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If you adhere to this in your writing, I want to read your books. :D
     
  23. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I was uncomfortable writing sex scenes at first. Well, no, I wasn't - I was uncomfortable with people reading them. But I got over that, to the extent that I've let four work colleagues read my books. Now I love writing them. :D
     
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    Ziggy. Member

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    That's sick as hell.

    I love it.
     
  25. ddavidv
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    ddavidv Contributing Member

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    Well, I try. ;)
    If you want an e-copy of one let me know which book and I'll create a coupon for you. :)
     

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