1. d00m5day
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    d00m5day Member

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    year of discovery

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by d00m5day, Oct 4, 2006.

    the title of this thread MAY be the title of my story. havent thought of the final title tho.

    its about a young guy, finding a job (something like the beginning of spider-man, hto much shorter) and theres an assasin, and accidently shoots the guy, so then, now, the main character (No name yet tho) is in hospital, about to get a blood donation (loss of blood) and hes accidently hooked up to some person's (guy in the prologue) blood, which contains ALIEN (or monster, no idea) DNA, and makes this guy allow to become a superhero, but before long, he is abducted by... don't want to spoil it! heres the prologue. not final/ please give coments.

    A guard walks by. I realize I had been here for over two hours now. The clock on the wall directly in front of me strikes one. Breathing heavily, I craw out from underneath a shelf. I look at the guard again, and I know he wouldn’t turn in another nine seconds. Scrambling to the other side, I clumsily grab onto my watch in my breast pocket. The metallic dial showed 3 numbers, 010. Getting closer, I thought. I climbed closer to the back, near a vent. The fan was whirling softly. I crept slowly, to my right. The watch showed 009 now. I look in the direction I’m heading for, and see a dim green light. I realize a hum is coming from my watch. I crawl closer to the light. My watch is now vibrating hard. I reach out to grab the object slowly, and when I get a grip around it, I feel a shiver going down my arm. The object slides up my arm, until it reaches my watch, I see the light slowly fading, when suddenly, the watch starts glowing brightly, and lights shining all directions. A few seconds later, I feel a presence taking over me, and the world turns dark.
     
  2. Spherical Time
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    Spherical Time Contributing Member

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    Uh, do you want feedback on this? What kind of feedback are you looking for?
     
  3. Fixed
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    Fixed Member

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    That prologue is not a prologue...
    It hardly gives any background information and if you're going to start off the book like that might as well start with chapter one instead of a prologue.
    also spell check even if it's just a draft... craw is spelt crawl and you might as well have written the numbers out instead of saying 3 you could've wrote three,
    and how does a watch with a dial show three numbers anyway??
     
  4. d00m5day
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    d00m5day Member

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    its a special type of watch. its not for time. it'll explain later on.

    well, i just wanted to see if it was a good way to start a book, but i have to start it someway like that. but i don't know.

    thanks for the comments, fixed.
     

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