1. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    Young love

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by art, Jun 23, 2011.

    A 10..12..14.. year old child says they are in love with their girlfriend/boyfriend.

    Do adults take that entirely seriously? Do they tend to trivialise it?

    Should adults take those declarations as seriously as they do those of their peers?
     
  2. wolfi
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    wolfi Contributing Member

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    Speaking form a biological point of view it is possible to love at that time,
    Heck in ages long past you would already be married and have a kid at the age of 14.So the question you asked is it possible? Yes.
    Dose society say so? No not in my exsprince
    the same feeling as you get when a 24 year old sees his or hir girl freind or boy ferind, not wife or husband cause thats a whole nother level

    Should adults belive it? Good rule of tumb find out what they are like, we all know the 20-30 year old who says they loved the next person, teens can be like that to
    so really it depnds on ther person, for exsample I've only dated three girls ever, I love them all, not in a I want to mate with you way but in the no mater what I'm there, even if they broke up with me

    one of my freinds on the other hand has dated 30 guys in the last year I'd say

    another rule of tumb is how long they been with someone, adults have been known to go on the first date come home and say "I'm in love"
    just like teens, but if you been dating for two years or so odds are there is some level of love in my humbble ophion
    maybe not as powerful as it can be but its there
     
  3. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Quick version? Yes, it's fully possible to love someone at that age, but the chances of it lasting isn't very good. Your whole life is changing rapidly, both emotionally and physically.
     
  4. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    Agreed. I remember thinking I was in love with my boyfriend when I was 10, but it faded really quickly and didn't last. I think it's possible, but in my experience it's never serious.
     
  5. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    Yes, adults should give them the same weight as declarations of their peers, imo.

    The feelings might not last as long, but while they are in the midst of them, the kids are feeling the same things as adults when they are in "love." There is no reason to trivialize it. If it passes quickly, then it passes quickly, but while the feelings are there they are every bit as legitimate and powerful as those felt by adults.
     
  6. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    Love is love. No one can tell you that your young love is somehow lesser than the love between a relationship between more aged people. True, it tends to be more naive because people are learning how to express love at that time, but that doesn't mean that the love isn't there or is somehow not as true.

    It doesn't matter what age you are... People are born with or develop at a very young age an emotional dependence on others and invest personally in one another. They desire well-being for those that they hold close, and they care about them. We are all aware of our ability to love from a very young age.

    I do think adults tend to trivialize young love, saying that kids don't understand... but no one can tell you if you love someone; it's a very personal feeling and can be different for everyone. And especially in romantic relationships, it really doesn't matter what age you are --if you feel it, you feel it. It's just the expression that is different.

    It bothers me when adults try to trivialize young love; it pressures young people to try to prove that love and in doing so can often be put in emotionally painful or even unhealthy situations. We all love and learn to give it at different ages. A four-year-old may have a better grip on it than a forty-year-old sometimes. It's just done differently.
     
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  7. Suadade
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    Suadade Senior Member

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    As far as teens go, I think you should think twice before accepting that someone "loves" someone else, in the sense of wanting to spend their lives with that person. And this is coming from an 18-year-old.

    However, I think before we can have a serious discussion on this subject, the term "love" needs to be defined. Everyone seems to act as if it's self-evident what love is,* but it really isn't, as, of course, love cannot be observed from an outsider's standpoint and thus is wholly subjective and internal.

    Say, what if a 15-year-old boy full of raging hormones has a girlfriend; all he really wants to do is have sex with her. But this urge is so strong that he says he loves her and truly believes it himself. He experiences love which is based only on physical attraction - is this true love? Why? Why not?

    We have to define the term before we can reach conclusions.

    *What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
     
  8. Heather
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    Heather Contributing Member

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    I don't think other people their age take it seriously, let alone adults.
    At school, several of my friends at age 12-16 proclaimed their love for their boyfriend/girlfriend - but none of us took them seriously. It's silly, imo, that young girls in particular, think they are madly in love with someone when they are 14, and they've barely even been together.

    Then again, I'm still suspicious of people declaring love for one another now - especially when they haven't been together long. I'm not particularly romantic though, and I'm not convinced on the whole idea of love in the first place ......

    This is also a big issue surrounding youths and 'being in love'. Is there a difference between sex and love - if you are sleeping with him, does that mean you love him, and vice versa. I've seen many girls think that because he sleeps with her, he must love her - and its not the case. People, and this applied to 12 year old, and 32 year olds sometimes, are too quick to 'want' to be in love, rather than actually feeling it, imo.
     
  9. aimi_aiko
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    aimi_aiko Contributing Member

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    It is very possible for a young person to fall in love, for I have done it myself. Adults are quite biased when it comes to this topic, and it gets on my nerves to be honest. I've had to go through so many things of "You're too young", "You don't know what love is", etc. I believe that you DO NOT have to be an adult in order to know what love is. Besides, in my opinion, your teenage years are the best years to fall in love. Though, yes, it is a problem if those kids are saying it just to be saying it, but if they really feel it - then there is nothing wrong with feeling that emotion.

    So, yes, it is very possible indeed.
     
  10. Kontrast
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    Kontrast Member

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    Agreed 120% Although, I don't think the percent of people who are "in love", but really just in lust decreases at all when you look at adults- just the number of total relationships (which means more true relationships too).

    I'm not saying a 14yr old in a relationship shouldn't be taken seriously, actually I mean the opposite. Since we know their relationship is probably going to end, friends/family definitely need to be there to help remind them of exactly what kind of relationship they need/don't need. Even if the relationship blossoms, an inexperienced teenager will still need support and advice to keep that relationship healthy.
     
  11. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    My parents dodged worrying about the answers to these questions by not letting me or any of my siblings date until after we turned 16.
     
  12. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    I like this response a lot.
    We sometimes talk of love as something that impacts us physically and dismissing a youngster's talk of love seems to me as absurd as suggesting that a child's broken leg or a child's leuchaemia is less bothersome than an adult's broken leg or leuchaemia. Certainly, I would swap all my recent girlfriends for the one I had when I was 9/10 :)

    It all turned out pretty nicely though, hey.:)
     
  13. CottonCandi
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    CottonCandi Active Member

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    I think it's all about maturity. I think a 14 year old could love someone but younger than that makes me doubtful because of their immaturity.
     
  14. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    As Merc and art have pointed out (and some others) it's not really about that. Their feelings are just as real as a 20,30, or 50 year olds. Their definition of love may be different but it doesn't make it any less valid. The maturity of the person serves only as a guide for how they define it and how they handle it. Even at 31, my definition of love is different than some other people my age, because we're all different as well.

    I don't think that telling a 10 year old they don't know what they're talking about is productive. It's like telling someone they're not hurt when they have a bone sticking out of their leg. If they feel it and believe it, it's real for them. Telling them it's not opens a whole can of worms that you probably don't want to open for them. Better to find out WHY they believe they love the other person, help them work through their feelings, and be there for them when they fall.
     
  15. AltonReed
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    AltonReed Active Member

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    It's the couples who say 'I love you foreverr bebbssss xxxxxxxxxxx' after a day that annoy me. And one particular couple broke up a week after they started it and all of Facebook could see their 'ever lasting love.'
     
  16. Trish
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    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

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    ROFL :D Well, yeah, I think that annoys pretty much everyone.
     
  17. wolfi
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    wolfi Contributing Member

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    It's worst when an adult dose it, they go and tell a kid "you dont know what love is" and then they state I love whoever and then they break up QUICKER then the teens

    :rolleyes:
     
  18. Daydream
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    Daydream Contributing Member Contributor

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    Dunno, you guys don't think that at the first stages of puberty it may mostly just be hormone driven? At that age I changed between crushes/love like a pair of socks lol! Changed for me more around the age of 15.
     
  19. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    ^ Definitely a possibility. I know at 13 I was the same way. I'm 16 now and still do that sometimes! :p
     
  20. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think, like anything else, it depends on the person. I liked the same guy all the way through middle school, then the same guy all the way through high school and half of college. I took my crushes very seriously. ;)
     
  21. Daydream
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    Daydream Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh yeh, at like 15+ I had much longer crushes too. In highschool I liked one girl the entire way through. The same thing happened in college. The one in college just happened to be one of my best friends which sucked lol! Now in uni im crush free for once :p
     
  22. wolfi
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    wolfi Contributing Member

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    This is not true, when pepole say teen hormones run wild, a teenager at the age of 14 dose not have the same amount at 15,16,17,18
    somewhere around 19-2? (depends) is when they peak, if it was the amoint hormones then the 21 year old would be worse, so its not how much hormones at all




    Also evreything is hormone driving, the reasson you like someone is hrmones with out it we would not care for anyone, it's why when we are 8 we have only one cruch most of the time, our hormone levels are low..
    There are many theroys as to why someone has a lot of crushes and the most common is to make so the person finds the right person, in natrue humans had kids when they where 13-14 so they would need a lot of "potinal" mates, its also unclear if we had a life mate or not. so its more of nature

    Another thing is its just the first time your datingm I've seen pepole who have to wait till they are 20 or so to date and they do the same thing

    It's an old wifes tale that it has to do with being a teen
     
  23. Youniquee
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    Youniquee (◡‿◡✿) Contributor

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    I personally think young people can fall in love. No one has the right to tell them what their feeling as love is different for everyone. Due to all the adults saying young people can't be in love, most people in my school think we can't. But why should love be determined by age?
    Maybe it is hormone driven, but my crushes just don't come and go...they last one 1 year + all the time. Even when I was 11, my first crush lasted a year +.
     
  24. Daydream
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    Daydream Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hmm I'm currently 22 and I definitely felt like I had more hormones at 13-14 xD I know what thought was going through my head 24/7 at that age... :p
     
  25. wolfi
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    wolfi Contributing Member

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    I know, thats where the false idea comes from but its not true, its terstrone (four guys onlly) its how we "become" men and thats how we stay man, its also why as you get older 40-50 your sex drive slows and all that
    Your peak is at 19-2? (the ? is for the fact that It can difer but usedly 20-23)
    but to be fair the reason teens do it is because 9 times out of 10 they have not answered the call, and most adults will tell you they still think about sex a lot
    We all do it's nomral
     

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