The 4th of July ended with a fight, and over the past few days, there's been tension. On the 5th of July, there was a small brawl on the streets of my childhood neighborhood.
What should have been a few kids fighting, turned into a sport of throwing metal objects, mase, and hitting people with bats? Unfortunately, I was not there and had only watched a video of my sisters and cousins get attacked by a bunch of assholes with bats, who later would showcase their "victory" on social media.
Of course, no one comes from war without a few scars. My 13-year-old cousin was hit with a bat by a 40-year-old woman with a pacemaker and loud mouth. I've been trying to deal with the situation calmly and intellectually, but anger always seeps through.
I haven't acted on my rage yet.
Now, this is part where some of you may agree with me, and others may agree with my Aunt.
Yesterday we threw a birthday party in the rain, and I listened to my Aunt tell me about how we should've just stayed out of the situation, and nothing would've happened. How WE should've called the police (somebody did) and how people would perceive us as a bunch of hoodlums with no home training who are always in search of a fight.
I. DON'T. GIVE. TWO. FUCKS.
My aunt has this holier than thou complex when it comes to my parent's children, in fact, a good portion of my Dad's side of the family are always trying to make it seems like we actively put ourselves in situations just for fun.
If the rolls were reversed and her children were attacked on the 4th of July, and her children were accosted at their home.
She would actively go out of her way to beat the asses of the people who wronged them.
It's always something when it comes down to my parent's children, and quite frankly, I'm sick of all this shit. There's more to this story, but that will have to be for another time.
There should be a feeling of peace in my soul, but as of recently, something is unsettling me.
Maybe it's the state of today's world or just my doubts creeping into the back of mind. This sense of fear from my body is keeping me from my work.
I want to write.
I want to create.
I honestly don't know what to do.
I feel stuck.
So, as I said in my last post, I went to church and it was amazing!
But something my cousin said is bothering me. On the way from church I got a phone call from my cousin’s sister and my sister, it was brief and nothing important.
We sat in silence for a few seconds and I laughed and said, “I love those two idiots.”
My cousin responded, “ I love them too. It makes me sad knowing that they won’t be able to go to heaven with me .”
(INSERT SCREECHING RECORD STOP)
So, at this point I just ramble.
Rambling is something I do to divert myself from getting into a passionate debate, but on the inside I kept thinking, ‘How do you know that they won’t get into Heaven? What definite proof do you have that these girls won’t stand at the gates of the kingdom and be granted entry!?!?’
In all honesty, we don’t know who’s going to heaven or not.
There are times where I just want to shake my cousin and have her listen. To truly just sit and listen, to hear with both her ears and her heart.
She’s stubborn and sometimes gets the big head and God knows I love her more than I do myself, but sometimes I just want her to shut up and listen.
And sometimes I wish I could just be a little argumentative instead of bottling it up and letting it fester inside me.
I went to church, I was late and the traffic was something horrible. The rain came down in sheets and my windows fogged over, I was scared.
I felt fear.
Lately, I haven’t felt much of anything and when I do I feel too much. I spent most of my younger years like this, overly high on emotions and then nothing.
How about y’all? You ever just feel ... Hollow?
My cousin and I are close.
She’s my Bae and I’m her Boo.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her, it takes a special kind of love deal with her stubbornness and sometimes overwhelming personality.
So, enter Diabante, an odd and yet very much educated nurse. He asked me to write about him on my blog, I really don’t know why, but I said yes and here we are now. I don’t remember all of his accomplishments (I’m sure he’ll remind me later and I’ll make sure to take notes), but he’s a awesome dude!
I was surprised that my cousin had choose such a weirdo and I’m happy that he is so devoted to her. He has been such an positive impact on her life.
Separate names with a comma.