Its been a LONG, long, LONGGGGG time since I've been on here. I've been busy with school, and everything else that comes with it. I was surprised that I even remembered my password. I've still had writers block, but hey, everyone gets that all the time. I haven't written much in the last couple months, but I have ideas forming in my head, so we'll see where that takes us. TURKEY DAY IS ALMOST HEREEE! My second favorite holiday, because eating is a great thing! Ahaha, and I don't have to spend it at my grandmother's, again, lol. I get to go to the city to spend it with my aunt and her kids, which is awesome!
So sorry I haven't been on in like forever...but I've been a bit busy. Things around here get chaotic when two little boys under age six get out of school & cause mayhem at home instead of their regular place of learning. & lucky me, I'm the one who gets to deal with it! Thankfully, Monday, I will be setting off to Ohio to stay with my grandparents for half the summer, maybe a little more. I'm seriously looking forward to this. It gives me a little spending money, depending on how long I stay, & I get to see free movies, due to his wife working in the biggest movie theater in Toledo. Maybe my writers block will have capped off by the time I get home. I haven't written anything in weeks & my head is starting to get crowded again. I don't know, maybe I should just write complete nonsense, like this blog, hah. I finally have a facebook! facebook.com/sellthekidsforfood I'm quite proud of myself, because I plan on actually keeping this one. Before, I really wasn't one for the whole "apps, apps & more apps!" sort of approach, but once I got my iTouch, I changed that opinion.
Finally, it seems life is starting to look better for me. I got selected for a counselor for my favorite camp in the world! yay! but I still have writers block...reviews would help on Remembering Sunday in the Romance section...
I have writers block. Again. I'm having trouble coming up with a starter sentence to the second part in Remembering Sunday, for Hayden. I don't want him to be just waking up, cause thats how I started the other one. I have Rachel's down, its just a simple diary entry, with a memory of him partying hardcore one night with her. Maybe have him at a party, or maybe I could have a letter, kind of like I did Rachel? I'm not sure...Ideas?
Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - By the way, this paragraph right here, is dedicated to the people who take the time to care about what I do, and what I have to say, and what I feel. Thank you. At least I get some kind of support from the internet. I broke down randomly last night, while I was on the phone with James(my boyfriend). I'm so stressed, I can't even imagine the pile of make up work I have to do in six weeks. I'm failing almost everything, or about to fail. I just don't have time for my school work anymore. My parents work me to the bone, cleaning and babysitting, every night, and they expect me to stay up til 12 AM on a school night to do my homework, after I put the little ones to bed. I feel so overwhelmed, so I write. And I come up with new stories. And it helps ease my frustration. Writing has opened up a completely new door for me. I'm so happy I started writing again. I'm also in the middle of writing a long, love-filled letter to someone who shouldn't be in trouble, but is. I just can't seem to find the words to tell them how much we miss them, and love them. Its so hard. My life is turbulent. I will keep writing. Even if it kills me.
I'm not exactly sure how to start this one, cause I just have so much to talk about... First off, I have this HUGE research project I'm working on of the Rwanda genocide. Hmph. Doesn't help someone who's already depressed. The pictures are enough to send someone over the edge. Thank whoever is up there, I'm strong and I know that its important for me to know that sort of thing for some reason later in my life. Second, I miss my grandmother terribly. Her memory has been dragging me down, down, down until suddenly, I find, there is nothing left of me to care for anything anymore. Third, my boyfriend's 18th birthday is tomorrow, and I don't want it to be here already. I know exactly what'd going to happen; things are going to escalate until he's going to be so distant, I'd have to send a fax to get to him. I hate May 1st. I feel a bit better after ranting...
On April 16, 2009, a great lady lost her battle of aggressive lung cancer. She died quietly in her home at 12:09 PM. Sadly, I was not there to see it; I was in school at the time. Her viewing and funeral were nice, but all the people I saw there did not really care about my Mawmaw, as I called her. They were laughing and chatting, when they should have been grieving over this tragic loss of a beautiful spirit. I'm really hurting right now. All of this, plus my dad in the hospital for the umpteenth time in a row, is not helping me at all. My grades are failing, and I am falling into nothing, desperately trying to find something to hold on to. My grandmother was my rock, my strength, when I thought I could no longer go on. This is one of those times, and now that I do not have my rock, I must learn to continue on. Her death must have served a purpose, but I don't exactly believe in God. I know there has to be something out there, but I'm not sure if its named "God". One good thing came out of her passing; I made things right with my biological mother. I have been angry at her for over a year now, and now that I think about it, it was a silly thing to be angry about. I have found I enjoy spending time with her; much more than I do staying at home with my dad and step mother, who are concerned only with themselves. Anyway, enough of that. I think I may have developed an addiction to nicotine. And I'm only sixteen years old. I have smoked a total of four cigarettes since my grandmother's passing, and thats a lot for me. I just caught myself trying to light a cigarette out in the rain this morning and I realized I am doing it out of habit. Maybe I should try and break it now. I mean, come on, my grandmother did just die of lung cancer after smoking for forty three years. I'm also going to try and lose that nasty little pudge thing on my stomach before summer comes. I just bought a new bathing suit and it doesn't look that great right now, and I happen to love that thing already. I would love to be able to wear it and look good.
I am technically going crazy. Can't write, can't post anything unless I walk two miles to my grandparent's house. Its worth it to get on here though. I started my break on Thursday, and I still have til Tuesday, which is so much better than just one day like we got last year. I have two creative writing pieces due Tuesday for my accelerated English class, and I'm struggling for ideas. One, I have to write a short story for song lyrics, which I have chosen Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Good song, but having trouble. Second, I have to edit and re-write a nonfictional personal story I wrote about two months ago, and I'm not sure I want to keep it. Ugh, I hate school. Oh well. I can get it done. I should go work on my project...=/
Today, just seeing the words, "Congratulations, you have passed your assessment!" on my Wal-Mart application made my day so much better. I was so worried about it all the way through, now that I've passed, and there is a tiny glimmer of hope, maybe they'll call me...*hopeful* Cross your fingers, toes, eyes, whatever you can and please send me luck. Applying for a job I don't have time for, but need, is a big step for me.
Aaaaaarh, I don't know what else to write after this... “No...No Mark, please don’t hurt me…” I sobbed, dragging my bleeding body across the linoleum. His expression wasn’t changing. “Well Marie, if you didn’t want me to hurt you, then you should have given me what I wanted. What I deserve.” He _________, an awful sound compared to the deep, caring voice I had gotten so used to. I whimpered and backed myself up against the wall. My bloody back stained the pristine white wall red. “Mark….MARK!” I screamed in terror as he raised the bat over his head. It swung down-- Then I woke up. I was covered in sweat, and breathing heavy. Sitting up, I looked around quickly. My alarm clock told me it was 5:43 AM. I was in my own bed, in my own room, safe. Safe. The word reverberated through my head softly, putting my fears to rest. I ran my hands over my arms, feeling the goose bumps that had risen, and tried to shake the feeling of being watched. Pulling my knees to my chest, I realized it was almost time for me to get up.
I really need to figure out a beginning, because I think people would rather read the beginning through end, not middle, to beginning, to end. Haha. I also need to get rid of this writers block. Ideas for Owen asking Marie to run away with him: 1) An outing with friends, pull her aside and ask her. 2) Phone conversation, then face-to-face discussion about it 3) Maybe change my entire story to make it look like a spur of the moment thing? Probably not, but will look into it. Ideas for First Chapter: 1) A dream 2) Marie's parents do something to make her not want to stay 3) Some background on their relationship, and how strong it is. 4) Incorporate James's and I's story. Maybe. Big maybe. Ahhhh this is haaaaard....but I want to finish.