Is this not the most adorable movie ever? I watched it with my granddaughter last night. At first I thought it was a little creepy but I think that's because her memory loss & no sense of direction reminded me of myself. I don't usually laugh as much at animated movies as I did this one. Some great moments! Toward the end of the movie when Dory found her parents, still, after all those years, leaving shells for her, I had the strangest thought, and prayed God would find a way for every little lost child to see the movie, "Finding Dory".
There are places in the world where children starve and die. I tell myself, surely they aren't responsible. They can't be. They were born innocent. The ones who make it to adulthood - fortunate or not? They can't be responsible either. But here in America, have you noticed how we stay in the same situations? We have so much freedom we can do anything we want. We can move on. We can avoid painful relationships. And yet we just stick ourselves right back in the big middle of a painful situation. Are we a bunch of masochists? I do know one thing. We don't like taking responsibility for our own actions. We like to blame other people, places, things. I don't know much, but I do know that. I really admire people who will take responsibility. I'm working on it! Always working on it. But those are the people I look to when I'm troubled. Those are the people who give me strength.
In all this campaign & presidential election mess, Melania Trump has been the most fascinating and inspirational character, to me - how beautiful and gracious and open she is, the way she defends and stands by her husband, the fact that she wasn't born in America, etc. Just now, I saw a film clip of her when she wasn't so beautiful. Now I like her even more. She was explaining her husband's 'dirty' behavior. I would say, bless her heart. But I don't think she needs it.
but I do know that a strong drink on a Saturday afternoon helps me face a few fears and numbs me to the pain. I admit, I want everything to be perfect, like a fairytale. But, the fairytale died when the summer and the snow queen arrived. Summer was young, energetic, full of sex and adorable. The Snow Queen was on her way out, jealous, and powerful, sucking the life out of all of us. I wanted to end with all my lovers by my bedside, telling me how they always thought I was beautiful, no matter how old and feeble I became. But do you know what happened? I rose up, out of disaster and loss, and I became stronger and more lively and happier and full of real life - more than I ever imagined! I wish the very best for you too! Enjoy real living, while you can. It's worth the fight!
You know, I'm a small town girl. Really really small town, small time. I haven't traveled around the world. I lived in Japan and Guam in a time I can't remember, except in dreams. And wow, are those dreams glorious! I still remember all the colors, the smells, the speech, and I don't even know where I'm going or where I've come from. My folks used to tell me the reason I'm so smart is because I could speak two languages fluently. I wish I still could! My dreams are made of freedom. Freedom of expression. Free to be happy, dramatic, sad, free to be me. I've never been to New York. I've been to Santa Fe! I've been to Lincoln, Nebraska! But never New York. Someday I'll go there. And be just like all those awesome, brave New Yorkers - strong enough to live through anything!
I used to keep a journal of my dreams somewhere else. I miss that place! However I still have strange dreams. I remembered the journal and how I enjoyed tracking my dreams when I had the following short but horrible dream. I was in a pristine white bathroom hiding behind a pine cabinet. I peeked around the corner and saw a teenaged blonde girl sitting on the floor behind another cabinet with her head in her arms. I couldn't see her face, except for the cheek that was facing me. She had bright red belt marks all over her cheek, shoulders and arms. I could even see the tapered end of the red belt marks. It was a terrible feeling. I remember thinking (in the dream) that it was my sister. But I know it wasn't. I haven't been able to forget that dream. Maybe writing about it will help. I may change the title of this blog entry because I may use it often and don't want to overload anyone with my issues, past or present!
I know it's seems silly (& maybe a little simple) but I have a need and a desire to record what I've done, what I'm doing, and what I'd like to do. SO, I'll use this particular blog entry and replies, comments, etc. for that. I'm just home from a softball tournament, so I'll continue this later, after I relax a little bit. I still can't upload a file BUT that's prolly a good thing. I have lots of them. Maybe they aren't 'files' hell I dunno!
http://havokjournal.com/culture/ptsd-trauma-is-not-drama/ Every time I get too involved in the internet, or when I let it bother me too much, I recall this article. I have it somewhere else in my blog but thought it worthy of its own blog entry.
I love this movie. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Psycho_(film) Will add more to this topic. The title came to me. I was thinking about all the ways we (or they) try to do away with what we naturally know as our own way to speak. Should we give in? And be like everyone else?
I think I want to write an allegory but I need something to jump start my imagination. Hinds Feet is probably the best allegory I've read. So I think I'll start here. I don't really want to read the whole thing so I think I'll use quotes and online summaries and notes.
Transformation just sounds good. Lofty, important, knowledgeable. I mean, who could transform without knowing what the word means? You may have to look up something for a change. And actually think about it, dwell on it, meditate. Chew the cud. Change is hard. The down and dirty gritty stuff. You actually DO something different. One day you're a selfish bitch. The next day you don't react when folks piss you off. I think I'd rather go off in a corner by myself than stay pissed off all the time. It's hard to make real changes at my age. But it's time and I'm ready for it. I can't smoke anymore every time I get anxious. Can't drink every time I want to celebrate. Too much caffeine will give me high blood pressure and screw my kidneys up. I'm looking for a more exciting job with better pay. I don't have time for wasted energy. I know it's a strange thing to still be on the road searching at my age, but it's the way my life is and this will just have to do until something better comes along. I want to be a different person today. Not the same person I was yesterday, over and over again.
Kanye West says he's gonna get rid of his phone so he'll have 'air to create'. I love that! So, Imma jump on it and use it for the title to a blog entry. Now if I can just think of what I want to create! I thought about a couple of themes in my insomniac hours - those unsuccessful moments when I'm trying to fall asleep I THINK, unfortunately. I thought about writing short stories or 'flashes' of a girl and her boyfriend and how he won't quit his job at the chicken farm even though it makes it her sick DAILY. In the end she finally determines, reluctantly, that he loves the chicken farm more than he loves her, so she wisely moves on. Another 'flash' - an allegory about a raven who lives in the rafters of the world. Her name is Temple Raven. She tells the story of how she came to live there, why she remains there, and what she sees and learns about herself and the world. Now, I'll just see how well I go about actually creating those creative ideas! Everyone needs air, right? Air to breathe. Air to create. Great idea, Kanye! Thanks!
It didn't really but it's interesting to think about. Here's what I've learned. There are basically two polarized thinkers: those who think everything is a metaphor and then there are the cigar carrying ones. I mean what I say, say what I mean. The secret is somewhere in between, right? The metaphor-minds never understand the straight thinkers because they are always scratching their chins and thinking, hmmm...what did you REALLY mean by that? The cigar smokers are saying, I said it was cold outside. I didn't mean I never want to have sex again. Sheesh! So the truth is there are people in the internet world who won't understand each other, no matter what you do, no matter how long you stand on your head, wave flags, or whateverthehell... and never the twain shall meet. Is that clear enough?
I'll use this to post insight from different inspirational books I have around the house. Today I read about how risky it is to ask for help with temptation - because then we become responsible. Honestly, I don't think humans want to be responsible for the negative things we do. We'd rather do whatever makes us happy and if it includes hurting someone else to get it - well, it's not our fault, right?
I had this horrible dream. In the dream nothing I did was right. Every move I made was interpreted to be mean and evil - that I was always trying to hurt people. And that was just the opposite of my intentions! In the dream there was a website. And in the website was a random thought thread and my random thoughts were seen as intentional and harmful. So when I woke from the dream I made my own personal random thought hideaway.