Darthgumby's Blog

jI hide behind this face. You see me for who the world sees me, but that is not how i see me. I thought i would be seen to the world as i see myself. The irony of that is that i am the only person who can see me from the inside, and the only person who can not see me from the outside. I would assume if i watched enough comedians, emulated their work, and cracked off their jokes, the world would see me as a comedian. I am not a comedian. I thought if i would watch enough action films, i would be a man of action. I am not a man of action. I thought if i watched enough romance, i would be very romantic. I am not romantic. I am not anything i watch. I am not anything i enjoy. I am not anything i want to be. Not to you anyway.

To me, i am great. To me i feel as though i am a good man. to me i am romantic, i am tough, i am poetic, i am adventurous, i am funny, i am myself. I am myself only to me. I would share myself with you, i want nothing more than to share myself with you. But you know me for who i am, not who i really am. You know me for what my parents gave me. You know me for how i am shy. You know me for how i act in the world. You know me for how scared i am. You know me for how defensive i am. You know me for how embarrassed i am. You know me for how dumb i look. You know me for how i dress. You know me for what you've shown me.

You don't know me. You don't know the real me. To know me is to love me. To know me is to trust me. To know me is to talk to me. to know me is to ask questions. to know me is to motivate me. To know me is to make me smile, to make me laugh. To know me is to talk to me, to see what i see, to go where i go, to do what i do. To know me is to inspire me, to make me feel welcome, to let me help you. But you don't know me. I don't know you.

I don't know you. I know you for how beautiful you are. I know you for how easy you are to talk to. I know you for how nice you are. I know you for who you are with. I know you for your accent. I know you for your attitude. I know you for your face. I know you for your laugh. I know you for your friends. But i don't know you.

I want to know you. Do you want to know me? I want to know you because i know you. I know the you others see, and i want to know the you others don't see because of it. You know me. Do you want to know me? No, you don't want to know me. You don't want to know me because you know me. Even though you don't know me, you know me and i don't interest you. Why don't i interst you? If you knew me i would interest you. But i don't interest you because you know me. To get you to know me i have to change me. But to know me is to know i won't change.

To know me is to know my want to change, but to know i won't change. Not without you changing me. I won't change until you change me. You won't change me until you know me. You won't know me because you know me. I know you and i want to know you.

If i knew you, maybe you'd want to know me. I don't know you. I would know you if you let me. But you won't let me, because you don't know me. And so i hide.