Uhh... so how long has it been since i posted on my blog? Quite a while i suppose? It's been quite a while since my last entry, so forgive me for that. I think i have really matured and grown as a writer since i left, feeling like a whole new person with a brand new name. I did although miss posting for awhile, it was a good thing i took my prolonging break.
I can tell that my writing themes and topics are rapidly changing themselves over time, i'm reincarnating myself over and over. I never realized how much has changed since i joined this fine community, so it's quite a great thing to bestow.
It's also been a huge lesson period for me, i'm not the same person i was when i joined this site, in a short span of 21 months i went from a silly 14 year old teenager to a learning, aspiring soon to be a 16 year old teenager. I'm posting this a little older and wiser.
Although i have been flamboyant in the past with certain situations, i try my best not to let dark clouds block my judgement. Meaning i just want old ties to be loosened and dropped, since i'm becoming a better writer and more mature teenager by the day from the wisdom of others.
I've been mainly focused on ONE story, but it's going to be a well-worthed one! I have been listening to advice and i am always open for more each day. I let nothing stop me because i feel like i can write this story more than ever, which is a very very good feeling to have.
Out of this short come back post, i wanted to thank the people who put up with my actions and help me along the way. You're contributions and assistance has been greatly appreciated
Never let this Fade,
me and you had it made.
We could of became one,
you and me.
Sitting by the tree,
the leaves, so fresh, so free.
I could stare at the stars,
between close and far,
from your porch to your car.
Looking at you, eyes blazing
nothing could be more amazing.
I get lost in you,
so immersed and so real.
I can't express how i feel.
I want you to stay,
even in the gray.
Please stand by me,
i become so alone.
I remember the day we met, near the gray house.
The house that we shared our most precious memories.
Me, you and your twin friends.
How could this all end?
Wait, before you leave, i have one last thing to say.
You can always visit me in May.
You could come back, to relive those great times.
Now it feels like a constant chime.
I can almost feel the serene moments.
Why can't you stay?
Just for one more day!
How could you leave so soon?
I guess im gazing too far to reach for the stars or shoot for the Moon.
All im trying to say is, you mean the world to me...
One look and the next thing i know,
you are gone.
I jump feet first into the snow,
just thinking of you now.
Wait does it mean to feel alone?
I will relive and never forget, can you make me that promise?
Before our final goodbye,
the last glimpse of your auburn eyes.
I just want to say how much i miss you.
I want you to stay here so badly,
but theres nothing i can do.
That's life i guess,
man this is such a mess!
Life goes on, you know?
I look back and think... did this really mean everything that i would of hoped it to be?
Was it really the greatest gift?
To me, it is.
Just wait one more moment, look into my eyes.
Hear me when i say never let this fade away...
Hey guys what's up with y'all? Sorry if i seem inactive i haven't really spent much time on here recently. I've missed this website very much since the last time i posted. I love this website and it changed my writing completely. So im posting this just to let you know, i haven't left this website! I plan on staying here as a very active member and pledge to keep it that way! See you on the Flipside! -Fullmetal Xeno
We all know in just a few days it will be the dawn of a new year, right? So i was just thinking about it and i came up with all my resolutions that i need to have for the upcoming year. This is what i came up for my new things to break and to improve for the next amazing year of my life.
Heres my list....
1. Practice my clarinet more (i need more practice)
2. Stop Procrastinating
3. Be a little bit more extroverted
4. Cut soda down to size, exercise daily to build muscle.
5. Getting rid of my fear of being social at times
6. clean my room more often
7. Less video games so my eyes can rest.
8. Begin to learn a new language (Japanese)
9. Write more
10. Get published
11. Getting the money to become supporter of this site
12. Get better grades after a struggling semester and work harder. (My priority!)
13. Take the best Highschool classes i can possibly can.
15. To get out of my random depression stage. Hardest one to break.
I have been in a random mood of depression lately, but im finding a cure. i just know some things would have to be changed for me to no longer feel that way. I am starting High school next year, so maybe that will break the ice. Maybe middle school is too much? Who knows!
Now maybe i have boiled down one that in my life that's more severe. Possibly a gaping hole inside of me that tells me to write is another. Writing more is my key to motivation. My work is based on unfortunate events of history and themes of my life and others ive known to witness in my 14 years of life. Now i know you can't take me too seriously, im just a kid! Well sometimes that can be contradicted. I myself wonder how i responded to such powerful strings of life that makes people think so much. Maybe it's my outlook towards the world? Or possibly my demeanor and what im trying to say? I'm not wise. Just aware of my surroundings and the actions of the current world as it stands.
When i listen to a certain type of music, i connect the lyrics together with the theme and create a picture in my head on how i see it, and that's how i get motivated to write. When a song has a strong meaning to it, my heart pours it's feelings out and witnesses the emotions and the pain others have felt. My heart somehow relates to the unknown truth of what most consider the unlucky. People have asked me, "Why do you care so much about politics?" Because, it seems to me the world has had enough corruption. Why feed the fire? Why fight for a war you can't definitely win? You can never win a war, because you lose lives. Since when is War a winning factor? It all depends on who's still breathing and what hasn't been taken just yet.
Ive seen War Heros come back home to our very nation, faces totally distorted. Men without legs to run. Men without arms to carry. All for what, a vital message to a nation who is no better then the rest of the darkened plague that is corruption?
What hurts me more is when Soldiers are disrespected, mind you they have fought for the very rights we have today, some traumitizied by mass torture, others losing bodyparts. Most losing close friends. And what do they get? They are ignored by the youth of the nation, unappreciative of what they sacrificed for us. Why do we fight for something others don't understand? Why is our nation so careless? Why is the dead interrupted by steeping on their tombstones for a dumb TV show? Soldiers go through hell and back fighting for the freedom of our nation, while some of us totally shrug it off.
Everytime a gun is made, a homeless child could be clothed. Everytime you purchase millions for a nuclear bomb, a child could be fed.
I understand im going off-topic, but this is how deep i get with these touchy subjects. My work is what gets me going, and hopefully i can land these messages into the story and make it a big wake up call. Or atleast how i view the world that we inhabitant.
Maybe this is what's making me depressed? Partly.
Now if only i could stop putting my story off, i would have much more to show. But this upcoming year, my delaying days are over!
After reading plenty of Japanese manga, ive always wanted to learn the language! This year i want to plan on beginning a teaching lesson and to get a tutor to help me understand the language better. It's one of the hardest languages to learn, but im up to the challenge. One of my dreams is to visit there!
Ive been thinking... Can i write my story in 1 year and get a publisher? Possibly. Depending which project gets done first!
I personally can't wait to start High-school, i heard it was slightly toned down compared to Middle School. One reason is because of Marching band! Ive learned to get into band more because of how powerful music can be, and how friendships are made over the vital practice of special performance.
One thing that should be improved is my social skills. Oh, i love to talk on here. But when im at school, it's another story! I barely speak a sentence in my homeroom class, mostly because im just like that. I want to get some wiggle room outside of my shell although. Some things in life i can't refrain from so i want to break the habit of being so introverted towards certain situations that i try to hide so nobody can see me. I want to be able to talk to people in a causal way, without being afraid to talk to them. I want to be able to fit in big groups and not be afraid to talk to people in front of a stage or afraid to do something silly. I want to release the unsure side of me, and just be myself in the way that never showed. I want to still be me, but in a alternate form. Hopefully i will not fringe away from that goal!
What makes it so hard for me is interaction with people, such as events like asking people questions or standing up in front of the class to present. I always think, "Oh great. Im going to embarrass myself!" and it usually almost always happens. So when i actually want to interact with other people, im afraid to how they might respond. Especially if you did some weird things years ago that you aren't so proud of now. (You know.. weird kiddy stuff?)
One of the most impossible things for me is to actually walk up to people and talk to them. Especially if its a girl i like. I always try to take it slow and work my way up to that, such as just being friends with them. Another goal is to spark up the courage to ask her out after so much time. It's even worse when you've liked this girl for years. And you barely talk to her... ive gotten little success on that part, but i still need to improve myself where i can actually just say hi. I forgot to mention when im around alot of girls and im the only guy, i get nervous. My knees actually shake a bit. I know, pathetic! I don't know what it is, i guess it's just me creating negativity of what will happen next? Or the possibility of me doing something stupid? Who knows!
After receiving much advice i'd thought to take it to the spot ive always needed to land on. 2012 will be a fresh, new year of opportunities of wonder. I will no longer refrain, or be upset or procrastinate! 2012 is the year i tear down my fears and phobias. The day has come where i should no longer rat myself out of a situation. But instead, go along with it. I will be a man this upcoming year. I will do what i've always wanted to do. Life gets better in 2012. That's what it should be like, now my only challenge is to live up to that standard!
My mind races across everything, sometimes i jump around too much. What im trying to throw out there is i like to explain my resolutions. As a much needed update for my blog, i think this is a good run-thru.
If you expected a simple resolutions post, well you're in for a surprise! You should know by now that im a primitive talker on here. I like to blabb on about writing, sometimes i go against myself to actually do it. True story.
Ok, so what i mean by this post is to ask you all, what is your Resolution? Is it a long, drastic, severe list like mine? Or does it contain 1 or 2 things? Comment here!
Yep, very odd times for Xeno. Who knew he could jump from Warfare to Social situations so fast? What a random person he is!
I haven't posted much lately, but don't worry i'lll be on more often. I'll still might not be as active as i usually am, but bare with me. I have alot of new games to play, such as MW3, Skyrim and more. Writing has been really slow, My NanoWrimo was a disaster, theres no way i can finish the rest of that story. So, for now on im focusing on one project. Yes. Just one! Well one im actually going to write. You'll see when i start writing it. Ive been a slow writer for awhile, so i'd thought i would keep you guys updated on my writing process. The new project is Project:Frost, a story i have been working on since i was 8. (Theme and Idea-wise) and i know what i want for it to lean towards. I have the ideas ready, just writing the story and develop everything will be the hard part. See with Terra, i had a hard time developing such a massive world, so i pushed it aside to something alot smaller, somewhere better to start. I decided that project will be my backbone story, where i can work on it for years to come. This new story ive started is based off of a story of mine called "Downfall" which was a old story i thought of when i was younger and now im developing it into a more mature and darker story. I will otherwise keep you guys updated on other things, and maybe i will stop procrastinating and get this story flowing.
- Fullmetal Xeno
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