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  1. waking up and going to sleep are the hardest times for me
    that time while you arent doing anything and your mind wanders
    any other part of the day i can try to occupy myself with things
    but not during these times
    its also at these times when i long for you the most
    when i'm alone in bed with only my thoughts
    all my thoughts have you in them, all my dreams too
    filled with longing for something i cant touch
    cant hold or kiss or cuddle
    i lay here in bed staring at the wall
    but in my mind youre here next to me
    your fingertips trace my face softly
    then my fingertips trace yours
    to feel your body warm behind
    and your arm around me is what i wish for right now
  2. i want to dance with you slowly
    taking each others clothes off as we go
    soon my skirt has been slipped from my hips
    your shirt has been unbottoned and it is pulled open
    my hands wander your chest as we continue our dance
    our mouths meet in a deep, slow kiss
    tongues and lips meeting as if they have been seperated for far too long
    and they have
    your shirt is off and your shorts are clinging to one ankle
    my shirt is hanging from my neck as you kiss along my shoulder
    our slow seductive dance that takes us eventually to the bed
  3. i want him
    i want him to look into my eyes
    want to look into his eyes and see the need in them
    the need for me
    the need to be with me
    to have me close
    i want to watch his face as he sleeps
    want to wake up next to him
    want to lay down at night next to him
    i want him to cuddle up close to me and tell me
    all the wonderful things he wants to do to me
    all those things that will make me feel so amazing
    you whispering in my ear
    i shiver at the things you say and your warm breathe on my skin
    you nibble lightly at my earlobe and i gasp
    i'm laying on my side on the bed with you behind me
    you are cuddled up close to me
    our bodies touching all along each others
    your arm wrapped around my waist
    holding me close to you
    i want that so much... so damn much...
    and i know that i cant have it
    because you arent attracted to me like that
    you live over 800 miles away
    you are litteraly twice my age
    there are so many reasons to not have these feelings
    and yet still i have them
    and no matter how i try they are still there
    no matter how many times you agree with me on lonlieness and things we both want
    you still dont feel it
    you dont notice the tears that silently roll down my cheeks
    as i try to keep my breathing even and quiet
    i dont know what to do about this, about these feelings
    and even if you knew, what would you do?
    what could you do?
  4. its terrible wanting something you cannot have

    especially when that something is another person

    you want them and you know that what you have with them now

    is all it is likely to ever be

    you talk to him at least every few days

    but usually every day you talk a bit

    and it kills you to talk to him and feel so close

    and yet know that he doesnt feel that

    he doesnt know that every time he says he is lonely

    that pause on your end is you silently crying

    he doesnt know that when you sigh and say you wish you had someone to hold

    and he sighs and say "me too" and it breaks your heart

    you talk about what frustrates you

    and he agrees and goes on about how the same things bother him

    you talk about what you want in a relationship and silently think

    how he is even more in most ways then you asked for

    and he talks about what he wants

    and you just listen and silently tears roll down your cheeks

    as you wish that he would give you the chance to try and be what he wants